Aa
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
Im an alcoholic in recovery of nearly 12 years. I had to go to AA because for me there was nowhere else to go, no other organisation or drug or method could relieve me of my alcoholism because I would eventually I would drink again.
There are no half measures for an alcoholic. We tried half measures and it availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. To drink for me was to die or go insane. I go to AA to remind me where I came from and to seek help to any living problems I have and to pass the message on to stay sober. To keep your sobriety you have to give it away. I don’t want that misery back again.
People think its tough to drink when the opposite is true - staying sober is the real strength in alcoholism but once you have to tools and do whats suggested then it gets easier. One day at a time. One hour at a time One minute at a time.
Drinking is the symptom – not the disease itself. The disease can progress within me without me drinking. For me it is a disease of perception which caused me uneccessary anxiety over things that a normal person wouldn’t be too bothered about. I can obsess about things like a video recorder playing fast forward and rewind in my head – even today. I was always running away from life. If something didn’t suit me I was heading for the door onto the next thing that probably wouldn’t suit me either. I didn’t care about my kids all I cared about was my next drink and how I was going to get it and get it down my neck as much and as fast as possible and to hell with the consequences!
I have discovered many things about my persona since I put the drink down because all this was masked by the alcohol and believe me I still struggle with me on a daily basis - Im not a saint or try to be one. But life is a pleasure now. Im catching up on the 30 years I squandered living in oblivion.
Now I’m clean and free of the stuff I go straight to buy food and not straight to the wine aisle at the supermarket and its flipping great!! I dont want that back again and Ive no intention of ever going there again although I cant be complacent.
The joy of living sober is a wonderful existence but when your using and abusing you cant see this at first. The job of my addiction was to make damn sure I fed it. It was cunning. baffling and powerful.
Life without my poison of choice at first was unthinkable - how can I live without this stuff I used to ask myself. I used to go to meetings hating every minute of being there and comparing myself to other people. AAs told me to identify and not compare. but I wanted what they had just for one day or one hour of my life. They told me to work as hard at getting sober as I did to get my drink. I never in my wildest dreams thought Id join the merry band of sober alcoholics that I so used to envy back in the old days of relapse after relapse.
One hour at a time I slowly I got sober. I’m a walking miracle I picked up the tools and threw them back down many times. I was always throwing my rattle out of the pram. I didn’t do what was suggested someone told me to take the cotton wool out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
Somehow the lift door of chronic alcoholism opened when I had another health scare and I quickly stepped out into sobriety. That day I said Im through with this ****........... I had a moment of clarity where I saw objectively the damage alcohol was doing to me and my life. My closed mind had been unlocked by the key off AA.
I drank for 30 years. The last 6 nightmarish years were the worst. Like a living hell my drinking just got worse and worse and I was a very very scared lady that couldn’t see herself stopping drinking. Spending days blacked out on the couch and all that goes with drinking to oblivion. Trapped in this cycle of abuse becoming more paranoid and mentally deranged by the day.
Since I stopped Ive had my ups and downs in life. Nothing is perfect you got to learn to live life. When I was drinking I hid from it. I couldn’t cope with it. But the army of AA was there to help 24/7 so I stuck around and began to do what was suggested and pick up the tools again. Listen to learn - learn to listen because as addicts we don’t listen. Its the best programme in the world and has saved thousands of lives. Mine was one of them.
I try to do what’s suggested and go to meetings and pick up the tools and listen to people in recovery. Addicts are hiding from life.....they want to prolong the party............cant cope with life......justify their addictions.... but believe me go and get some help and be part of an organisation that has helped many others get well then you will find yourself and be the only judge of yourself and not others.
When I was drinking oh boy was I an educational expert on my addiction I knew everything there was to know and could tell you anything about my poison of choice because I was researching constantly asking others questions for the answer to my addiction and arguing with them to justify what I was doing to myself. There are not different addictions in terms of Addiction ıs Addiction no matter what you abuse yourself with.
The answer was to remove the ring around my *** from the pity pot Id been sitting on for the last 30years and seek out help from other addicts in recovery at a meeting.
An Addictions job is to close your mind to any sort of recovery. Go get the key of recovery from an AA meeting – its there waiting for you around the room – you only have to go and find it. You wont recognize it at first but if you keep looking and searching you will find it – its called ACCEPTANCE.
Hope this helps someone
There are no half measures for an alcoholic. We tried half measures and it availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. To drink for me was to die or go insane. I go to AA to remind me where I came from and to seek help to any living problems I have and to pass the message on to stay sober. To keep your sobriety you have to give it away. I don’t want that misery back again.
People think its tough to drink when the opposite is true - staying sober is the real strength in alcoholism but once you have to tools and do whats suggested then it gets easier. One day at a time. One hour at a time One minute at a time.
Drinking is the symptom – not the disease itself. The disease can progress within me without me drinking. For me it is a disease of perception which caused me uneccessary anxiety over things that a normal person wouldn’t be too bothered about. I can obsess about things like a video recorder playing fast forward and rewind in my head – even today. I was always running away from life. If something didn’t suit me I was heading for the door onto the next thing that probably wouldn’t suit me either. I didn’t care about my kids all I cared about was my next drink and how I was going to get it and get it down my neck as much and as fast as possible and to hell with the consequences!
I have discovered many things about my persona since I put the drink down because all this was masked by the alcohol and believe me I still struggle with me on a daily basis - Im not a saint or try to be one. But life is a pleasure now. Im catching up on the 30 years I squandered living in oblivion.
Now I’m clean and free of the stuff I go straight to buy food and not straight to the wine aisle at the supermarket and its flipping great!! I dont want that back again and Ive no intention of ever going there again although I cant be complacent.
The joy of living sober is a wonderful existence but when your using and abusing you cant see this at first. The job of my addiction was to make damn sure I fed it. It was cunning. baffling and powerful.
Life without my poison of choice at first was unthinkable - how can I live without this stuff I used to ask myself. I used to go to meetings hating every minute of being there and comparing myself to other people. AAs told me to identify and not compare. but I wanted what they had just for one day or one hour of my life. They told me to work as hard at getting sober as I did to get my drink. I never in my wildest dreams thought Id join the merry band of sober alcoholics that I so used to envy back in the old days of relapse after relapse.
One hour at a time I slowly I got sober. I’m a walking miracle I picked up the tools and threw them back down many times. I was always throwing my rattle out of the pram. I didn’t do what was suggested someone told me to take the cotton wool out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
Somehow the lift door of chronic alcoholism opened when I had another health scare and I quickly stepped out into sobriety. That day I said Im through with this ****........... I had a moment of clarity where I saw objectively the damage alcohol was doing to me and my life. My closed mind had been unlocked by the key off AA.
I drank for 30 years. The last 6 nightmarish years were the worst. Like a living hell my drinking just got worse and worse and I was a very very scared lady that couldn’t see herself stopping drinking. Spending days blacked out on the couch and all that goes with drinking to oblivion. Trapped in this cycle of abuse becoming more paranoid and mentally deranged by the day.
Since I stopped Ive had my ups and downs in life. Nothing is perfect you got to learn to live life. When I was drinking I hid from it. I couldn’t cope with it. But the army of AA was there to help 24/7 so I stuck around and began to do what was suggested and pick up the tools again. Listen to learn - learn to listen because as addicts we don’t listen. Its the best programme in the world and has saved thousands of lives. Mine was one of them.
I try to do what’s suggested and go to meetings and pick up the tools and listen to people in recovery. Addicts are hiding from life.....they want to prolong the party............cant cope with life......justify their addictions.... but believe me go and get some help and be part of an organisation that has helped many others get well then you will find yourself and be the only judge of yourself and not others.
When I was drinking oh boy was I an educational expert on my addiction I knew everything there was to know and could tell you anything about my poison of choice because I was researching constantly asking others questions for the answer to my addiction and arguing with them to justify what I was doing to myself. There are not different addictions in terms of Addiction ıs Addiction no matter what you abuse yourself with.
The answer was to remove the ring around my *** from the pity pot Id been sitting on for the last 30years and seek out help from other addicts in recovery at a meeting.
An Addictions job is to close your mind to any sort of recovery. Go get the key of recovery from an AA meeting – its there waiting for you around the room – you only have to go and find it. You wont recognize it at first but if you keep looking and searching you will find it – its called ACCEPTANCE.
Hope this helps someone
Yes we have whats called the racing brain...........caused by alcohol poisoning of the brain and nervous system.
Well done one day at a time.
Well done one day at a time.
Today is my 6th day sober, and now i know why i always got anxiety over the cats playing, or loud kids.. I am already more calm than usual.. So the racing thoughts were also the alcohol..
Tell them no sweat they won't get pressure or told to stop anything or admonished if they slip people at the meetings will be only to glad to see them come back and you know you get so much respect there when people can see you trying and coming back. This is a great feeling because weve lost so much respect for ourselves.
Lets face it nobody could stop me I had to make the decision for myself so I went to AA to learn about this illness or why I was doing this to myself.
Because this is a disease of hypersensitivity and perception I tried not to judge my first few meetings and kept going to them. I was so hypersensitive I would read stuff into things people said and did that were not there - this is part of the illness. You have to give yourself a chance. I had to stop pointing the finger at other people and look at myself.
Initially I'd hear stories and say ahh Im not as bad as that or I never did that - thats the illness trying to take you away from the meetıngs to continue drinking.
And the beauty of this organisation is its anonymous. What is said in the rooms stays in the rooms. I hope your dad would approve of what Im saying.
Good luck :))
Lets face it nobody could stop me I had to make the decision for myself so I went to AA to learn about this illness or why I was doing this to myself.
Because this is a disease of hypersensitivity and perception I tried not to judge my first few meetings and kept going to them. I was so hypersensitive I would read stuff into things people said and did that were not there - this is part of the illness. You have to give yourself a chance. I had to stop pointing the finger at other people and look at myself.
Initially I'd hear stories and say ahh Im not as bad as that or I never did that - thats the illness trying to take you away from the meetıngs to continue drinking.
And the beauty of this organisation is its anonymous. What is said in the rooms stays in the rooms. I hope your dad would approve of what Im saying.
Good luck :))
Thank you Ironpetal09,
I will pass all of this information on to my sibling. I know they will be put at ease when they read all of the information.
The few meetings I attended with my dad sound just like how you describe. I am so grateful for your help in descrbing them in detail. My sibling was worried that they might be put under pressure or be in trouble if they slip knowing that there is no judgment or pressure will be a big relief to them. After beating that horrible disease you deserve all of the success you have in life you earned it!
Best Regards,
Lise
I will pass all of this information on to my sibling. I know they will be put at ease when they read all of the information.
The few meetings I attended with my dad sound just like how you describe. I am so grateful for your help in descrbing them in detail. My sibling was worried that they might be put under pressure or be in trouble if they slip knowing that there is no judgment or pressure will be a big relief to them. After beating that horrible disease you deserve all of the success you have in life you earned it!
Best Regards,
Lise
No problem Lise and its good to be here boogieman.
Im so pleased you got to know your dad in sobriety. I never got to know my mother and even at her point of death the woman was a complete stranger to me.
I can only talk about UK meetings I dont know what meetings are like in the states but I should imagine they are along the same lines.
As your dad will know the actual meeting is usually in a rented room such as maybe a church hall (this has nothing to do with religion so dont worry) one of the reasons why these places are picked is because of a cheap rental and we are self supporting by our own contributions if we want to give a pound or not as the case maybe it all goes to paying the rent and buying literature.
Its a room with a table and chairs. Someone sets it up with tea and biscuits and literature and we just turn up and sit about the room to listen or speak whatever we want. There is a format of course to meetings. There are open meetings (anyone can attend) Step meetings (for the 12 Steps) Closed meetings (only to alcoholics). We all just turn up eat all the biscuits drink all the tea and chat to each other and listen to the speaker in the room who is sharing his or her story and thats it. There is no brainwashing its someone just telling how they got drunk made a mess of their lives what the hell happened and where they are now in recovery and how they got there, thats all an AA meeting is. Newcomers are the most important people in the room. You can sit where you like or stand outside if you want. The main thing is to learn to stop isolating yourself nobody forces you to anything including stoppıng drinking.
Newcomers I would suggest get an open mind and go to the open meetıngs. If you want to know more stick around and talk to someone at the end of the meetıng. Get a few phone numbers. Call someone ask them how was their day. The main thing is to start to unlock the mind alcohol has closed.
The first meeting I managed to get to was absolutely packed with people!! I'd never seen so many alcoholics in one place before but of course I was very very scared felt I would have been put under pressure to share. It never ever happened of course. It took me 2 years to open my mouth and that was my choice. I just listened for those years most of the time about how it was for people and how it is now.
NOBODY should ever pressure another member to share. When people get to know you they might suggest it at a later date but newcomers are never pressured in any way.
The reason why ı kept coming back to AA was because of this. I could be with people who were the same as me and just being in their company and listening to their stories was enough.
If you go to a meeting where you are put under pressure to share then find another one.
How it worked for me was - all my life I had spouses relatives friends telling me to stop drinking. AA takes the pressure right off. Nobody tells you to stop drinking nobody. Nobody criticises you for slipping or having a relapse in fact you are welcomed even more if you do because it is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE in the rooms.
AA is NOT NOT NOT a religıous organisation but the word GOD is mentioned. This GOD is the GOD of your OWN UNDERSTANDING and nobody elses. Or your Higher Power as we like to call it. But there are many alcoholıcs ın recovery that dont believe in anything so its okay either way. For example you may have your own religion be you muslim catholic or whatever.....you may turn back to your own beliefs for support during recovery or not or completely change to another religion or decide its all rubbısh and not believe in anything at all but rely on your own mental resources and thats ok too.
When you first touch on a meeting - we know where you've been, we know how bad it must have got for you to come and what you've been though but nobody says anything except welcome and would you like a cup of tea? Because we've been there so we know you better than you know yourself.
There will usually be a chair that is someone who is well into recovery 12 months and they will tell other alcoholics how bad it got for them and how they got sober. We all sit and listen or leave or go to the toilet or whisper amongst ourselves but the main thing is to just listen and IDENTIFY not compare with the guy/girl sharing. Then the meeting is thrown open and anyone who wants to share can share.
I just used to take want I wanted from the meetıng and scuttle off back home but boy did I feel love in those rooms. Meeting by meeting I got more and more confident. More and more I learned about this illness and what it does to people. More and more friends I made there. It is a miracle Lise. People who recover from this absolute b..st..d of an illness are walking miracles. AA helped me to do that. Nothing was required of me in the early days and AAs would just say to me just keep coming back and try to do whats suggested.
I have gone from being chronically alcoholic in Liverpool where I lived all my drunken life to living an amazing sober life teaching in Istanbul. If someone said to me even 12 years ago I would be living and Teaching in Istanbul I would have said '' get the hell outa here!'' Well here I am. This is beyond my wildest dreams!
There is an amazing sober life out there. It starts in the rooms of AA.
Hope this is ok if you want anymore info just ask! I have to give my sobriety away to keep it.
Im so pleased you got to know your dad in sobriety. I never got to know my mother and even at her point of death the woman was a complete stranger to me.
I can only talk about UK meetings I dont know what meetings are like in the states but I should imagine they are along the same lines.
As your dad will know the actual meeting is usually in a rented room such as maybe a church hall (this has nothing to do with religion so dont worry) one of the reasons why these places are picked is because of a cheap rental and we are self supporting by our own contributions if we want to give a pound or not as the case maybe it all goes to paying the rent and buying literature.
Its a room with a table and chairs. Someone sets it up with tea and biscuits and literature and we just turn up and sit about the room to listen or speak whatever we want. There is a format of course to meetings. There are open meetings (anyone can attend) Step meetings (for the 12 Steps) Closed meetings (only to alcoholics). We all just turn up eat all the biscuits drink all the tea and chat to each other and listen to the speaker in the room who is sharing his or her story and thats it. There is no brainwashing its someone just telling how they got drunk made a mess of their lives what the hell happened and where they are now in recovery and how they got there, thats all an AA meeting is. Newcomers are the most important people in the room. You can sit where you like or stand outside if you want. The main thing is to learn to stop isolating yourself nobody forces you to anything including stoppıng drinking.
Newcomers I would suggest get an open mind and go to the open meetıngs. If you want to know more stick around and talk to someone at the end of the meetıng. Get a few phone numbers. Call someone ask them how was their day. The main thing is to start to unlock the mind alcohol has closed.
The first meeting I managed to get to was absolutely packed with people!! I'd never seen so many alcoholics in one place before but of course I was very very scared felt I would have been put under pressure to share. It never ever happened of course. It took me 2 years to open my mouth and that was my choice. I just listened for those years most of the time about how it was for people and how it is now.
NOBODY should ever pressure another member to share. When people get to know you they might suggest it at a later date but newcomers are never pressured in any way.
The reason why ı kept coming back to AA was because of this. I could be with people who were the same as me and just being in their company and listening to their stories was enough.
If you go to a meeting where you are put under pressure to share then find another one.
How it worked for me was - all my life I had spouses relatives friends telling me to stop drinking. AA takes the pressure right off. Nobody tells you to stop drinking nobody. Nobody criticises you for slipping or having a relapse in fact you are welcomed even more if you do because it is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE in the rooms.
AA is NOT NOT NOT a religıous organisation but the word GOD is mentioned. This GOD is the GOD of your OWN UNDERSTANDING and nobody elses. Or your Higher Power as we like to call it. But there are many alcoholıcs ın recovery that dont believe in anything so its okay either way. For example you may have your own religion be you muslim catholic or whatever.....you may turn back to your own beliefs for support during recovery or not or completely change to another religion or decide its all rubbısh and not believe in anything at all but rely on your own mental resources and thats ok too.
When you first touch on a meeting - we know where you've been, we know how bad it must have got for you to come and what you've been though but nobody says anything except welcome and would you like a cup of tea? Because we've been there so we know you better than you know yourself.
There will usually be a chair that is someone who is well into recovery 12 months and they will tell other alcoholics how bad it got for them and how they got sober. We all sit and listen or leave or go to the toilet or whisper amongst ourselves but the main thing is to just listen and IDENTIFY not compare with the guy/girl sharing. Then the meeting is thrown open and anyone who wants to share can share.
I just used to take want I wanted from the meetıng and scuttle off back home but boy did I feel love in those rooms. Meeting by meeting I got more and more confident. More and more I learned about this illness and what it does to people. More and more friends I made there. It is a miracle Lise. People who recover from this absolute b..st..d of an illness are walking miracles. AA helped me to do that. Nothing was required of me in the early days and AAs would just say to me just keep coming back and try to do whats suggested.
I have gone from being chronically alcoholic in Liverpool where I lived all my drunken life to living an amazing sober life teaching in Istanbul. If someone said to me even 12 years ago I would be living and Teaching in Istanbul I would have said '' get the hell outa here!'' Well here I am. This is beyond my wildest dreams!
There is an amazing sober life out there. It starts in the rooms of AA.
Hope this is ok if you want anymore info just ask! I have to give my sobriety away to keep it.
Ironpetal what a great inspiration you are not just for those suffering but for family memebers of alcoholics who come here.
I am proud that my dad was a AA member and sober for over 28 long years before he passed. I hope the same for one of one of my siblings I am a lucky one and did not go that route. I lived a horrible life as a child because of my dad's drinking but I was able to forgive all what a brave man he was to quit. Thanks to himself and the suport of AA he helped so many in his years as a member.
I feel it is a honor to have had the chance to know my dad sober and I was always proud of him for that accomplishment. If you could please tell others who have a problem and are thinking of going what it is like to attend to a AA meeting and what to expect that would be a help.
Sometimes I think people are afraid of the unknown. The information might put some at ease that are thinking of going to a meeting but are affraid they might be put on the spot to talk. I know this is not the case as I sometimes went with my dad on rare occasions just because I was curious. It was a very good experience for me to see how this wonderful organization works but it should come from someone like you who has lived to tell the tale.
Best Regards,
Lise
I am proud that my dad was a AA member and sober for over 28 long years before he passed. I hope the same for one of one of my siblings I am a lucky one and did not go that route. I lived a horrible life as a child because of my dad's drinking but I was able to forgive all what a brave man he was to quit. Thanks to himself and the suport of AA he helped so many in his years as a member.
I feel it is a honor to have had the chance to know my dad sober and I was always proud of him for that accomplishment. If you could please tell others who have a problem and are thinking of going what it is like to attend to a AA meeting and what to expect that would be a help.
Sometimes I think people are afraid of the unknown. The information might put some at ease that are thinking of going to a meeting but are affraid they might be put on the spot to talk. I know this is not the case as I sometimes went with my dad on rare occasions just because I was curious. It was a very good experience for me to see how this wonderful organization works but it should come from someone like you who has lived to tell the tale.
Best Regards,
Lise
Glad I could help Jack my email is l.***@**** and write anytime, we are all in the same boat and yes easy does it.
I just have to thank you for taking the time to write your story! Wow
I'm going and listening and learning something everytime i go to a meeting. I am going at it one day at a time or it gets too overwhelming.
Thank you for sharing and Congratulations on suceeding and continuing to succeed. And for also encouraging the rest of us. TJack
I'm going and listening and learning something everytime i go to a meeting. I am going at it one day at a time or it gets too overwhelming.
Thank you for sharing and Congratulations on suceeding and continuing to succeed. And for also encouraging the rest of us. TJack
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