I posted this in my journal, i read this while inpatient, it helped me understand my disease, and in turn helped me save my life. I am wondering if anyone else can relate:
I'M YOUR DISEASE
I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power, I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, i wish you death and suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the Disease of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Thats me. I have killed millions, and I'm pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. i love pretending I'm your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have i not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt, I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all good things in your life.
People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be made possible.
I'm such a hated disease, but yet I don't come uninvited. YOU CHOOSE to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More that you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12-Step Program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power....all weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now, I must lie there quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing. Bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here....and until we meet again, if we ever meet again, I wish you Death and Suffering.
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