I'm a recovering alcoholic in a downspin

I guess my problem is I went for treatment last April and was doing well for a while.  It didn't last long though.  I actually didn't think I had a problem, but started really drinking daily (a wino) after a divorce 2 years prior.  I started drinking again in July (moderately) because I thought I could be the old drinking me, but since then I'm starting to realize I can't just drink a few.  Tonight I was going to have one glass of wine before bed, and here I am 4 hours later, with things to do tomorrow.  I hate myself, and pretty sure my fiancee is getting a little sick of me?  lol.  I have depression and anxiety pretty bad, but don't want to take the meds because I'm drinking.  What a freaking idiot, huh?

[ibizan]

Why would u seek treatment if u think u didn't have a problem?what meds are u mixing with alcohol?