In the end it's all the same.

Funny how You can end up back on this side of the coin again.

I'm just coming off a slow and very subtle relapse. I had been Clean all the way around (A.K.A. Nothing, not even butts) for about 6 some odd years. I did some meetings in the beginning, found what I needed to hear and moved on and built a life, I'd say rebuilt but I didn't have much more than a shell of one before.

In the beginning it seemed like a eternity, but I never counted days...counting days to Me at the time seemed like there was of option awaiting at the end or something., two years wins you a six pack, etc. Anyway a future  without alcohol soon became a non-issue. During Most of My dry time I really never thought about it. But as We all know or find out down the line alcohol is quite sneaky and is content to wait and bind it's time for the right moment to reappear.

So Long story short I had a beer one day, I was pissed off about some family stuff and I bought a single beer (pretty as simple as that)...that behaviour continued for close to a year, Always being careful not to finish a six pack  in a evening or more than a 1/2  bottle of wine. Now back in the day I was pretty much a heavy binge drinker. But now while in the middle of a subtle relapse I missed a important point....A point I should have remembered. See in My second year of My relapse My daily intake was slowly increasing  although moderate to low (huh? how does a alcoholic define moderate?) it was nevertheless a daily intake and by daily I of course mean daily, A daily requirement....a daily reward.

It's that need to have a single drink that is the problem, I honestly think in there lies the problem. Does it really matter what the amount or total amount of cosumption is. It's that drive, that desire that does us all in,  if left unchecked. I didn't need a gallon of vodka...but I did seem to need a drink at the end of day...the particular amount to be determined.

It was about two years into subtle relapse when I had My first couple of small blackouts within weeks of each other. 5 years of previous blackouts were the driving force of how I quit last time and these new small ones was a cause for alarm. So I decided I wouldn't beat Myself up about the about whole thing too much and wait till  New Year to start over again and here I am (again).

Anyway I guess that's My way of saying "Hello"

[Strawberrygurle]

It's scary to think that well be addicts for the rest of our lives. I congratulate you for realizing it s a problem before you got too re-involved in old habits. I've been trying to kick my last addiction ( besides smoking), for about 6 weeks now. I am determined to do it tomorrow. It's to opiates and I use iv. I'm scared but it gives me strength to hear stories like yours that give me hope in sobriety. Good luck to you....

[ibizan]

Stay with us here...such a good group of ppl in recovery that can help!

[ibizan]

i know a woman clean from heroin over 30 years....i know some clean from heroin/other opiates 6 months 2 years 18 months 5 years...it can be done girl!ya gotta hang and not give in2 the BEAST that lies between ur 2 ears..and therein lies the problem!

[jackason22]

Thanks for the kind apt replies.

[Punkinhead75]

Hi and Welcome back!!!  Glad you are here and thanks for sharing your story.  It is good for me to hear from those who tried again and make it back.  Please keep coming and sharing.   Take care!!!

[narla]

Welcome jackason22,It's good to see you are ready to start the process again,keep posting, plenty of people here with positive feedback,

Take Care

Denise

[rpooo]

Welcome back Jackason. I am afraid while you have been away that a few things have changed here due to the economy. To return you will agree to pay each user here $5 bux. Na I'm just being silly.
Really all i wanted to say is that for me I dont care to count from how many days i've gone without, instead I like to count each day I wake up.

Alcoholism = Cirrhosis = ?

Diagnosed 03/23/10
Randy