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I've never acted this way before.
My question is: Do you think black out behavior is influenced by what is currently going on in your life, or if it reveals something that's inside you, and who you might actually be?

So last night was the first time in my life that I've gone clubbing. Usually I'm the cheerful, slightly overemotional, and gushy (but happy) twenty-something year old girl when I'm drunk, and there was no way I could have known that I would black out.

So I downed a couple drinks that were offered, I was with my friend, and everything was fine and dandy. However, when I came to, I was outside. Apparently I had been kicked out of the club for beating people up (I guess I was hitting people?), and assaulting a police officer. It took four bouncers to escort me out, and I weigh under 100 lbs. I remember none of it. From my POV, my night was:

Go to club
Get drunk
Blink
I'm outside (I do remember speaking to a police officer)
Blink
Inside friend's car
Blink
Friend puts child lock on, I am unable to escape the vehicle, and I'm screaming and hitting everyone in the car. Literally screaming until my voice gets hoarse.

Apparently I was trying to pull a movie stunt and roll out of the car while it was in motion. I hit and screamed at everybody. I cried like a baby.

I'm just so ashamed. And although this is the first time I've acted like this, I'm not surprised by this behavior. I am a sad person (hence the crying), I am angry for some things that have happened. I just usually drink because it makes me feel better and it helps me smile. This was the opposite of that, and it was truly alarming.

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Avatar universal
Your last sentence:  "It was truly alarming"

Be that - Be alarmed !!  Be very alarmed.

To answer Your question:  "Do You think blackout behavior is influenced by what is going on in Your life?  Reveals something that's inside You? and who You might actually be"?

The answer to all of the above is NO; emphatically NO !!

Blackouts are associated with the development of alcohol abuse & is considered to ba a sign of early brain damage from alcohol use.  Alcohol drastically alters brain function.  There is decreased activity in the region of our brains that are responsible for decision making and rational thought.  It seriously disrupts the activity of several neurotransmitters in select areas of the brain that are responsible for encoding & storing short term memory - and transitioniting them into long term memory.  When those receptors shutdown, short term memories fail to become long term ones.  This occurs because of the level of alcohol in Your blood.

As for Your behavior - You were drunk and drunk people OFTEN do stupid things as alcohol cuts off the supply of oxygen to the brain.  The addition of ANY chemical (in this case ethanol), drastically alters brain FUNCTION.

You did NOT "act like this" because You are "a sad person" or because "you are angry for some things that have happened".  You "acted" the way You did because of the effects that alcohol is having on Your entire central nervous system.  

You have been given a 'warning', a 'message'.  I guarantee that if You continue to drink alcohol You will have more blackouts.  With continued use of alcohol this WILL happen again.  This I know is true

You will find much support and advice here.  I hope You will return

GoodLuck
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In my humble opinion, only people with a problem with alcohol drink to the point of blacking out.  None of the social drinkers I know have experienced black outs....ever.  They do not drink to the point of losing all control and remembering nothing (or only parts) of the evening.  As someone who has been through many blackouts, I strongly suggest quitting drinking because it will only continue.  I had similar outbursts of rage in my drinking days which landed me a short stint in jail as well as a trip to the mental hospital.  Trust me when I say neither are placed you want to visit.  And as you said, it is very alarming because there is no telling when it is going to happen again.  Please take care of yourself.  
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thank u I!couldnt've said this better myself:)I had to retire from the alcohol/drug scene 32 years ago.Don't regret it a bit!!!!
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35 yr old female, Im a social drinker and one night I tried sweet tea vodka, Remember only having three. I woke with bruises I inflicted around my neck from what I thought someone else did to me at first til my guy explained he had to hold me down so I would stop hurting him and I inflicted them on myself even though he tried to subdue me, also ripped a mirror attached to a dresser off, destroyed his house.  I have zero memory of it and had only three drinks. Best way I suppose is to not drink at all. Oh, may I add I am a bartender and outside looking in, it's easy to judge a blacked out person, but when the shoe was on the other foot, I felt guilty, ashamed and horrible.  All I know is forgive yourself and do what you can to truly understand you can either cut out alcohol all together, or you can drink non alcoholic beverages while out with friends or TRY to reduce your alcohol consumption or type of alcohol (beer, liquor, wines) but something deep down inside you is probably telling you not to drink at all and that's the voice you should probably listen to.  
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Once a black out drinker always a black out drinker. It's over. You have no choice but to quit. If you need help for that, there's abounding help for that here and elsewhere. Most everybody family i know has a black out drinker among them. It has nothing to do with being sad as to whether you black out, but it may well have everything to do with why you ever drank to excess in the first place. So if you have issues, from your childhood, or elsewhere, then do yourself a solid and find a good therapist that can mentor you and provide consultation to another doctor, if necessary. But what i said, was true for me. Once i started to black out , i drank to get drunk, and when drunk i blacked out. it would be the same today, after almost 7000 days of sobriety. If i drank i would get drunk and i would black out . No question in my mind. Good luck to every black out drinker. You are not alone, After the first 6 months or so of sobriety i had no cravings and never missed again.

All the best to you all , that are up against the wall and needing to quit. Please love yourself enough to do the right thing for yourself, and get the help you need to quit, and stay quit.
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