Just Please Help me, a pathetic alcoholic Mum

Dear Freind,
I have tried so many tmes to stop drinking. I have a million reasons to stop and half a million to keep on. For me, the withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms are so bad that i drink every day. Even tho every day I swear to God above that I won't drink. I get the severe sweats, the shakes and the anxiety.
Even with all that, every day  I swear to myself and God himself that I will only have one to ease the withdrawl (withdrawal). But that never happens. One leads to two and two leads to four. Eventually I'm passing out on my bed around 3 am. waking up at 7:30 with my kids, G-13, B-9, to get them off to school, then sleeping the day away until they, and my hubby come home. I know this is not normal or right. I curse myself every day for my weakness. And I hte myself for not having the will power to say "No!!! Not today, I WILL nit drink today!" I have Systemic Lupus, Degenerative Disc Disease and a long list of rediculous pain oriented ailments that are a very hard strain on my 38 yr old body. I take numerous pain pills and anti-inflammatories, none of which I am addicted to. But WHY for the love of God, WHY cant I stop this stupid obsession/love affair with alcohol??????I will wecome anyone's help and advice. I am so desperate adn nearing the end of my rope. I dont know how to go on b'cuz I want to stop drinking so badly. Pleeeeeeease pray for me. -Heidi

[rpooo]

Hello Heidi,
I feel real concerned for you and your kids. I certainly understand addiction since I was an alcohlic for 20 years. I notice your 38, when I was 38 the craziest thing happened! After all those years of drinking on 03-23-10 I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis! Well that sure gave my a** the motivation I needed to quit! If your kids aren't motivation enough then what else do you need? Cirrhosis?

Heidi it's time for you to get this taken care of. My friends in the above posts have told you what to do. Do it and you won't regret it! Don't do it and well who knows.. Your not just doing this for yourself ya know. Your kids need you too! It's not fair to them their Mom is an alcoholic. Think about how that impacts their lives and as they grow older what they are going to have to say about it.

Make the first step, you'll feel so good about yourself that it might actually make this whole thing easier and less comlicated. I wish the very best for you and your kids.

Randy

[rod44]

If you want to stop drinking you need to start by speaking to your Doctor. Give them an honest account of your drinking habit.
You will need some support during your detox, you could try and find a treatment centre or rehab but for now go to an AA meeting and ask for help.

Please don't come on saying you cant get to a Doctor or AA or any other excuses, if you want to quit then get up of your behind and do something about it. Detox should  be medically supervised. You are mixing medication with drink and this is crazy.  I do not wish to sound mean but I (like most alcoholics) waned to take the easy way out, find a magic quick fix to our problem, unfortunately it dose not work that way, you get back what you put in to your it. Getting sober depends on how badly you want it.

[ibizan]

i agree w/my friend rod here 100%...u r not addicted to pain pills?u mix them w/alcohol?if u do not do what rod suggests above the day will come when ur kids and hub come home to find u dead of cardiac arrest in ur bed from that combination.

[crash2323]

I am so sorry for your suffering.I, too, suffer from alcohol abuse.   Sometimes, it seems the only way to calm my nerves.  Certainly, degerative disk disorder and lupus are very difficult to deal with by themselves, let alone an addiction to alcohol.  You really need to speak to your doctor about your alcohol use.  It may lift a huge burden off you to talk.  Plus, the pills and alcohol are not a good combination.  I don't know what treatment will be suggested to you, but there are many out there, everything from individual counseling to inpatient help.  I think talking to your doctor would be a really good first step.  No, your life is not normal, but it does not a happy one, either.  You can stop--it may take a hundred tries, but you can stop.  Make the call today.  I wish you every success and happiness.

[rpooo]

Hello Heidi,
I feel real concerned for you and your kids. I certainly understand addiction since I was an alcohlic for 20 years. I notice your 38, when I was 38 the craziest thing happened! After all those years of drinking on 03-23-10 I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis! Well that sure gave my a** the motivation I needed to quit! If your kids aren't motivation enough then what else do you need? Cirrhosis?

Heidi it's time for you to get this taken care of. My friends in the above posts have told you what to do. Do it and you won't regret it! Don't do it and well who knows.. Your not just doing this for yourself ya know. Your kids need you too! It's not fair to them their Mom is an alcoholic. Think about how that impacts their lives and as they grow older what they are going to have to say about it.

Make the first step, you'll feel so good about yourself that it might actually make this whole thing easier and less comlicated. I wish the very best for you and your kids.

Randy

[sittingpretty9972]

Thank you. I have taken the first steps. I have stopped drinking joined Rational Recovery and I am never going to drink again. Your message and several others were a very sobering wake up call for me. My children are everything to me and I have used my illnesses as an excuse to drink for comfort for the last 5 yrs. I'm done. Thankyou for ur honesty and candor . Yours Truly. Heidi

[rpooo]

Heidi,
That really is terrific news! I'm very excited for you and your kids! Life really is so much better without the booze! I wouldn't ever go back even if I could. That stuff has taken enough from me and it still is. Once you start getting your life together and seeing thigs through sober eyes your self confidence in your work and everything else you do will make you feel great but most of all you can look anyone in the eys and say "I'm a great mum!"

Anytime your tempted to take a drink promise yourself you will go to a meeting before you decide. If that doesn't work come back here and i'll be glad to talk you out of it! ha ha There are very supportive people here that don't mind sharing what they have learned.

Stick with it Heidi, you can make this work!!! God bless you :)

Randy

[sittingpretty9972]

Randy, thank you so much for your complete honesty. I am so sorry for ur poor liver. I have had severe pain right middle side with heat radiating from my swollen side. I know it's my liver with all the booze and scripts I've been taking these past years I am so afraid to get it checked. This started on Sumday and was what really made me realiSe that I just had to quit. It's been 40.5 hrs since my last drink and I never want to touch the stuff again. U r In my thoughts. - Heidi

[rpooo]

Heidi, I understand being scared. Dont forget that  the liver has the ability to heal it self so depending on the amount of permant damage its quite possible your liver will be fine. Abstinence is key. You will need guidence from your doctor concerning your medications. All pain pills are hard on the liver. Even includes Headache pills such as advil (ibuprophen), tylenol (acetemophen), aleve (naproxen sodium) or bayer (asprin). Your liver needs a chance to heal so with your doctors help and you stopping the alcohol thats a really good start. You need to get to your doctor right away. Also be very honest about the alcohol and any drug abuse so that he/she can better help you.

Im sorry for my poor liver too, we've been through a lot together! 40.5 hours thats great! How are you feeling?

[sittingpretty9972]

Hi Again Randy!
Im feeling good, mostly slept thru the sweats and shakes today, I got up and ate and just refocused my thoughts and attitude. After hooking up with this sight I am more dtermined than ever to not let myself give in to what my Alcoholic voice is telling me. I am not powerless over this and I know that this is something I can do. Keeping a positive state of mind and knowing that I AM stronger and more powerful than my negative thoughts and depression, which really lead me to drinking to begin with.  Hell of a lot of good that did me. with all of the focus and concentration and dedication that I have given this I know where my priorities are now. I selfishly lost track of that for a while.
Thanks for all of your support, your a doll. - Heidi

[rpooo]

Good Morning!
You have a very good positive attitude, that will surely get you through this. One thing to be really careful about is your sosial life. You dont want to find yourself with a group of people and everyone is drinking. Only surround yourself with people that respect what you are trying to do.

How are you doing with the medications? You dont want to find yourself taking pills all the time trying to compensate for the alcohol. One problem can quickly lead to another. Hey I like the ticker you chose, it looks kind of familar. ha ha

Randy

[dominosarah]

It is very easy to switch up addictions here so be very careful with that.  Those pills will take you down in a big hurry too.  What exactly do you take and how much?

I want to congratulate you on your sober time!!  That is fantastic!!  You sound good and positive so keep it going!  Recovery is a life changing process.  It takes time so be patient.  We didnt get into this mess overnight and we dont get better overnight either.  Using is just a symptom of what we have going on.  We bury many demons while we are using and we need to face those head on, deal with them and put them to rest.  At times it is painful but not near as painful as it is to keep using.  You dont have to be a prisoner to this anymore.  You can do this and we are here to help~~sara

[dominosarah]

Here is my other ticker for being clean off pills!

[rpooo]

Sarah,
You have a very very nice ticker! he he

[ibizan]

U big fuzzy poohvert!:)

[rpooo]

Wow! Just when I thought I've been called everything! ha ha Well we all showed you ours, show us yours!

[dominosarah]

Thank you, i do have a nice ticker dont i!!  lol

[Omusicgame]

I am in the same boat u are.  I drink alot, but I dont get that much withdrawel like u do.  I just get anxiety sometimes.  But i realize i do it as a way of trying to say goodbye to the pain for one night, enjoy my life, and not care bout tomorrow.  But tomorrow kicks our ***, and shows us how scary things are.  And you know what, I know how your feeling.  I hate those scary feelings and maybe just maybe if we ever stop drinking we can never see them again and get on with whats good.

[rpooo]

Hi Heidi,
The weekend usually brings a lot of people together for drinks. So I thought I should write and see how your doing over there?


Omusicgame,
I think you meant to address your post to sittingpretty9972. You are exactly right about getting on with the good things life has to bring. If your sitting there drunk waiting for them to come to you it's probably not going to happen. Your 30 years old man, how much longer are you gonna wait?  

Can you imagine that in 8 more years being diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis? I was only 38. Kinda makes ya wonder if you drink as much as I did huh? None the less though thanks for your support.

Randy

[crash2323]

I am so happy for you!  You have made a good step.  Please reach out to us or your doctor if you need support or things become overwhelming.  You seem like a wonderful person.  Don't let that be shadowed by anything.

[spanky595]

    
Alcoholism is not a weakness it is a disease.   It can be treated and recovery is then possible.  You need help you can not do this a lone.   Get in touch with someone that is involved in AA tell them you need to go to a treatment center and they will help you.   They will find you a treatment center to get in I no Ive been to treatment myself and meet some good people who are going through the same things that alcohols go through.  28 day program will help take it one day at a time and let go let AA help.    mike   You can do it I did.

[sittingpretty9972]

Thanks to RANDY, and everyone else for all of your kind honest words and support. I have been sober for 5 days and feeling really good. I have told my entire family  (Husband, kids and Mum & Dad) so that they all know what I'm doing and what I am going thru.  They have been supportive but my husband says that i can do whatever the hell I want  but he is never going to quit drinking all together.. Whatever... I have been studying eastern medecine and yoga and learning to breathe, stretch, and meditate to ground myself and keepall  the negative energy away from me. I have lessened some of my medications and am considering my pain management options. I do not take an excessive amount of meds but I still want to work with my doctor to formulate a plan to get off all meds eventually. I dont believe that I have to join a  formal support group, and go to meetings in order to succeed.
I know that it works for many people and is a wonderful option but I sincerley beleive that there are many roads to sobriety anf know one but ME can know whats right for me. I have filled my Kindle this week with dozens of books ( I have already read 6 of them) to support my decision to stay sober. One really good beeo is "Sober for Good- New Solutions for Drinking Problems- Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded" By  Dr. Anne M. Fletcher.
Its been very enlightening, and encouraging. This is my new journey to change not only my drinking but many of the negative and destructive things in my life, and I appreciate all of the support that I am getting here! Much love to all!!! -Heidi

[rpooo]

Heidi!
There you are! ha ha I was just wondering about you. I am so glad to hear all the new information. You really are doing terrific! You are also very right, some of us just have to do it our way. I'm glad your family is being really supportive also. I hope in time your husband will also offer his support. He should be very proud of you!

Finding other thing to do with your time surely will help a lot. Also educating yourself and learning way to keep a strong will are both perfect. I like your idea about getting with your doctor to get rid of every pill you can.

The withdrawals should be getting easier to handle at this point and I imagine you are probably already feeling much more self confidence. Give yourself a patt on the back, You can do this! God bless you and your family Heidi! Stay focussed and stay strong. Take good care of you, who else is gonna.

Randy

Randy

[sittingpretty9972]

Hey all quick question. I know it sounds silly,  but I need to fix my tracker. I have actually been sober for 5 days , not 4. is there anyway to go back and change it. I know it sounds silly, but every single day counts right?

[ibizan]

hey lady...this is good news....and shows ur perserverance determination and a garnering of ur inner strength to do what is right for u and ur children!wow...how difficult that ur hub is doing his liquid thing....but u cannot change that....change what u can which is YOURSELF!

[sittingpretty9972]

Looks like my ticker finally caught up with me. 6 days sober and feeling great!

[rpooo]

Keep hanging in there!

[sittingpretty9972]

One Week sober! Im am so proud of myself and I have never felt better!  My house is cleaner my skin is clearer and my self esteem has skyrocketed. I cant thank you all enough. Especially Randy, ibizan and rod44 who gave me my first arse kickin reality check. I literally owe you all my life. I cant even imagine ever touching another drink ever again. On Labor Day we went to a friends house for dinner and while they each had just a few beers I proudly drank my water with lemon and just enjoyed being with friends SOBER, can u imagine? i didnt drink and nobody else got drunk, what a big change! have I been the ringleader all along making everyone else drink just to keep up with me? Who knew?
Well no more my friends, I want to be the poster-girl for sobriety. I want to be the example to all my friends and family and show that we can have fun and be silly and socialize without booze. my birthday is coming up on Friday and I am celebrating my sobriety instead of my age. I mean who is happy about getting older anyway?? Take care everyone!

[dominosarah]

A big HUGE congrats on 1 week sober!!  That is so fantastic!!!  Keep it going~~sara

[rpooo]

Thats just how I roll! ha ha Well my self esteem just sky rocketed too. Reading how well your doing and how much you have changed your life in only a week! Your a smart young lady and you have a lot going for you now. You got this easily! Stick with it Heidi!

Randy

[ibizan]

oh i love it!celebrate sobriety rather than ur age!:) u go girl!:))))))

[rpooo]

I've been try to convince my wife that my bithday is cancelled next year since I'll be 40! Do poohbears live to be that old ibizzy? ha ha I hear hunting season is coming up soon!

[ibizan]

Ach u young cub u!u go celebrate ur youth and miraculous longevity....ain't nuthin but numbers boy!heck this old gal turned 56 8-1!maybe u'll get lucky w/ur wife donning a faux bearskin Wilma Flintsone ensemble complete w/a large spear and hunting u round the house!U say that b-day is tonite:)?????

[rpooo]

There you go being a pooh-vert again! ha ha And you tried to blame me last time! Thats alright, I blame everyone else too! Oh you say maybe I'll get lucky huh, more like she'll get lucky! I am the Rpoo!

[ibizan]

there goes that alcoholic male ego again......u need more work on that!:)

[sittingpretty9972]

  Hi Friends!! I made it thru my birthday yesterday without drinking and even more impressive is I made it thru my 9 year old son's slumberparty without a drink! Me home alone on my birthday with five 9 year old boys! Talk about a new type of hell on earth. LOL... but i made it thru the night and they were up at 6am and i survived it, now 10 days sober and feeling great. Thanks to everyone for your support.

[ibizan]

way cool!sobriety is about enjoying these moments!bet ur sons dug it 2:)

[KjFlicka]

Congratulations!  You are awesome for doing this.  I've been reading your thread from the beginning and I'm so happy you've hung in there!  GREAT JOB!!!  

Nicole
(Also a mom and sober since December 2007)

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your sobriety!!!

[rpooo]

Heidi,
I was born in '72 also but doesn't it seem unfair that you just turned 39 and I turn 40 in January? I don't like that! ha ha Anyways I am nt sure if you ever saw my email but I want to make sure that I am very proud of you for maintaining your sobriety! It's very impressive the things you have came up with to do to better yourself and stay more focused. If you keep this up you just might make that poster-girl spot after all! Anyways keep up the good work taking care of you. I bet you children are so happy to see you this way! Okay byeee

Randy

[rpooo]

Goodmorning Heidi,
Today should be your 27 day sober. It has been a while since I have heard from you so i'm wondering how are you doing? I know quitting drinking isn't easy so I am hoping your silence isn't an indication that you've given up. I hope to hear from you my friend. Take care.

Randy

[dominosarah]

I was stopping by wondering the same thing!  Heidi, where are you!