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Just a note for my friends of addiction.... and grief....
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Just a note for my friends of addiction.... and grief....

One Clean and Sober November 11, 2012

One year ago today, I had finally had enough of my out of control life and asked for help.  At this point, it was either ask for help or jump off a bridge. (Seriously)  It had been about year since my sister, Rhonda passed away suddenly, and 1 ½ years since my father had passed away.  My father died at 74 for heart disease.  My sister collapsed on our front porch and died instantly.  She had been abusing pain pills and alcohol for about 7 years.  Coroner said she died from cirrhosis of the liver.  My sister was my best friend.  She was 8 years older than me.  She always took care of me and was the closest person on earth to me.  We could finish each other sentences.  We lived our entire lives with each other.  We had always shared a house.  Usually a split foyer, where I lived upstairs with my family, she downstairs with her kids.  I knew my sister was in trouble after the bad car accident.  She would not allow me to help her.   So I stupidly decided that if you can’t beat it, join it.  I started drinking with her and soon I had an alcohol problem.  The day my sister died, I quick drinking.  And just went on with my life.  Decided that burying the pain was best for me and my family.  After about a year, the grief was spiraling out of control and I had returned to alcohol, but this time I even added pain pill addiction to the mess.  I had contemplated many things, including suicide.  I finally broke down and asked for help.  I did not want to leave my family like my sister did.  I entered a detox hospital for 6 days on Nov. 11, 2011.  But the best thing I ever did for myself was go to weekly counseling with a wonderful counselor.  Each week, I poured out to this woman my pain and grief.  Most days, I left her office and just wanted to run to the liquor store.  But I didn’t, because each week it got a little better.  
So here I sit at one year clean and sober….. Wow…life is good again.  Now I choose not drink…not to use.   I chose to live..to feel again…to enjoy my family again…to remember the good that was my sister.  I miss my sister every second of every day of my life.  I feel her with all the time.    I still see my counselor every week, it keeps me sane.  
I want to thank all my friends who have supported me though this rough year.  Each and every one you helped me with your kind words and thoughts.   Just having somewhere to vent and feel like I belonged, made all the difference.  I wanted to let everyone know that there is hope.  I truly believe I was at my most bottom of the pit 1 year ago.   Today, I smile, I laugh, and I love.  No lie, it’s still a daily struggle to deal with grief and addiction, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel….
And so can you………………
3 Comments Post a Comment
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Congratulations !U have chosen like many of us here......one hour atta time....one day atta time....to commit urself to total abstinence.......easy?NO!well worth it?YES!i have enjoyed and learned from reading ur posts here over the past year...u r a very VALUED forum member!i look 4ward to seeing more from u here!
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Inspiring.  Thank you for sharing.  Keep fighting.  <3
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I am so very sorry to hear of all your loss but so glad to hear you found the strength you needed to save yourself and not just for your sake but for the sake of your family! I hope the very best for you, congratulations on your one year! Nonsmom said it perfectly "Inspiring"!

Randy
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