Just looking for friends.

Hi. I've been an alcoholic since I was 13. It was depression issues then, its just an addiction now. I don't drink a lot when I do, but I'm just afraid of the time I'm going to stop caring and let go. I'm 18 now, 19 soon, and do my best to stay away from it, but sometimes you just don't care anymore, you know? I've been on and off sober for the last 3 years because of my amazing boyfriend, but when we have problems, I tend to crawl back into the bottle. I usually only drink when I'm really, REALLY angry. Not such a good thing, no, but it calms me down.

I guess I should put out there that addiction runs down my dads side of the family - he used to smoke, his mother and father as well, his mother was an alcoholic, and she came from a disgraced noble family in the UK. Her parents, mother was an alcoholic, father a smoker and heavy gambler. Don't know past there.

Really why I'm here is just to find people who are going through something similar to me. I have a few alcoholic friends, but they don't want to give it up - but then who does when they're 20 or 21 (usually)? I know I have a problem, and I know I can control it if I want to. I'm not looking to go to AA or anything, just for someone I can communicate with at random.

I'll be back online later tonight.  (I posted this in the Alcoholism forum too, hope that's ok. I'm new to this site so...)

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Welcome to medhelp!  Couple of your own statements make me very concerned. 'I know I have a problem, and I know I can control it if I want to" - - -  Dont want to rain on your parade too hard here.......you are in a good place to chat with others that will communicate with you. Unfortunately you are trying to do something that about all of us have done.....bargain with addiction. Doesnt work that way....  Best of luck to you - - keep posting for support or with questions......

[ibizan]

i got sober/clean when i was 28.I'm 54 now.I went to this Young Ppl's AA meeting...age range 16-30 in Akron,Ohio where it all started in 1936...and here I am with a month sober/clean and there are ppl in their in their 20's and 30's sober/clean for a few years!If u want recovery bad enough u will work for it.....if u want to find other recovering ppl ur age u will find them.....i once asked a counselor friend of mine where there were good meetings and good sobriety...he told me to get in my car and go look for it!damn  good advice!

[dominosarah]

Your playing with fire here.....I drank when i was angry, then i drank when i was happy and then i drank all the time.......I am 48 yrs old now and sobered up when i was 41.  Its a long lonely road if you dont do something about it now.        sara

[HarryK8]

You would be surprised just how many young people are in AA!
If you go to a meeting and they are all oldies, ask about a young person's group.  You will not regret it.

The experiences of millions of alcoholics prove it is almost impossible to get sober on your own, ie, without a group such as AA.

I was trying to get sober at 15 years old!  That is, I was trying to control it, staying home instead of hanging out with freinds.  Had no friends really.  I always felt like the square peg in the round hole.  This is very common and the main reason alcoholism is called the lonely disease.

I was desparately lonely but too afraid to make friends. If I got rejected it would be the end.
In short, if people accepted me, thought I was okay, then I must be ok.  But if people didn't like me, then I must be not ok.
Other people's opinions of me mattered more to me than my own.

That has changed now;  I have been sober for 11 years.  unfortunately I didn't get sober at 15 when I was first reaching out.
I didn't get sober till I was 37 years old!
That is 22 years of hard living I did not have to go through if I could have bitten the bullet as a young guy of 15...

But it is never too late and never too early.

In AA you will find companionship with like minded people.  It is probably the only level playing field you will ever encounter.

Give it a try.  You are dealing with a deadly disease here and you shouldn't write-off the most successful method of treatment ever devised, before you even try.

I wish you well
Harry

[rod44]

Well done Harry, words of wisdom that I would like echo.
Most people most likely have not been down the road of self destruction that we go each time we pick up a drink, they cant relate to this. I too regret that I did not find AA or more correctly that it did not find me until I was so messed up that I had to be hospitalised for my own safety, I needed drink when I awoke in the morning and needed it to get me through the day, if I did not have drink in the house all the time I panicked. I put drink before every thing and every one, and I could not see any problem with this, the only illness that even when you are in the dirt, depressed, scraping the bottom of the barrel it tells you everything is good, its cunning, baffling and powerful.
It was not always like that though, I drank for a few years without it causing any major problems and life was normal enough, it was a slow but gradual decline in to the lonely dark hole that I could not get out of, at least not without help. That help came in the form of AA and it found me I did not look for it at the time. I am grateful that it found me because I don’t know where I would be now. Dead most likely.
R

[Tink70]

Darlin'!  Get your hiney to a psychiatrist and get some anti depressants!  My daughter is 18 and has never touched alcohol.  Course - she got to witness what its like to live with, care for and clean up after an alcoholic.  Anyhoo - that's totally beside the point.  You sound just slap dab, pure-d, DEPRESSED!  There are lots of options out there other than drinking!
Get some psych help.  Ask your Mom, Ask your Dad, go to a school counselor.  Do it before you wreck your future and possibly end up doing something even worse due to the depressive effects from the drinking.
Take Care
Tink