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Lost

My wife and I are both 25 years old, we are in a gay marriage and have been married almost a year come this June. When I was younger I had a drinking problem and limit how much I allow myself to drink do to this as well as because of the medications I take for depression/OCD my wife has always been an alcohol lover even since she was young.

She knows how I feel about alcohol, and occasionally she says she understand but other times I just don't get her. She can not be in a social setting without alcohol. If we have a cook out, there has to be alcohol, if we got to a family gathering, she has to drink. If she goes to a friend's house, she has to drink. We have talked about this numerous times. Many times when she drinks she is mean and nasty to me and she claims its not true but people have told me they see her behavior when she drinks. Once she gets more than 2 in it's like I'm invisible. I have asked her many times to limit how much she drinks because of how she acts towards me and she says "i'll have one or two" and one or two turns into PLENTY more. I can understand that she is young and has a stressful job but I don't understand why she has to drink in order to be social and is unable to limit herself. Much of her family also including herself have a history of drinking problems, alcoholism and drug use, which I think that is reason enough because her dad has SEVERE mental health problems and I don't want her to mess up her life like her dad has.

I have told her that she worries me when it comes to this but many times she tells me that its me being controlling and not letting her have fun. She has even told me that family does not invite us places because I don't like when she drinks and that I don't party with them. These people are nearly in their 30's with 2 kids. They allow their 2 year old to stay up til all hours of the night and be awake while they drink. Many times I go over when they have their parties just so that there is sober supervision for the baby.

I just don't understand if I am in the wrong for wanting her to limit her alcohol consumption. Im not trying to be controlling or anything like that I just don't like the way that I am treated when she drinks.

Another problem that we have been having is the last couple days is that she has been drinking at home nearly every night. A friend had given me 4 left over bottles of Mike's she had ( she couldn't drink anymore do to pregnancy) and there was a few beers in the fridge. In a matter of 3 days or so all that alcohol is gone and now tonight sees there is no alcohol in our home she is at a friends house. She just meet this older lady when she started this newer job and they have become drinking buddies. Her making my younger wife her drinking buddy has really put a wedge in our issues because this woman is one of those ladies that drinks all the time. Wakes up..drinks..goes to work after having a few..comes home and instantly goes to the fridge. She encourages my wife to drink all the time, and has even invited her out of town for this coming 4th of July to the beach so they can party..where I have been informed I am not invited. This woman just makes matters worse and my wife just thinks she's so awesome.

To make matters worse she gets off work at 11:30 but gets out late and takes this woman home from work so she doesn't get home until midnight or so. this past week and I admit we were having some small fights the days earlier in that week which probably doesn't help but she has been staying up very late in which is when she's drinking at home. I just find it worrisome that she is staying up til 3-4 am claiming she "can't sleep" and is having 2-3 beers which laying in bed. I have even tried buying her tea to help aid falling asleep instead she turns to alcohol.

Am I being a worrier for no reason or should I be worried that she could have something going on here? I told her I was worried and she told me she was fine. I presented her with the facts of everything going on and that I thought maybe she needed to see someone and she just claims she's fine and she has no problems.

Please help I'm so lost.
3 Comments Post a Comment
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406584_tn?1399591666
Hi ESummers.. Welcome to the forum.. I'm very sorry to say that it is not you who are lost it is your wife, Yes she has a drinking problem.. I myself, I'm a addict in recovery with many of those years consuming alcohol. Your wife is the one that has to want to quit drinking, she is the only one that can do it. Most of us that are on a addictive path have to hit bottom our we get a heath scare our something happens in our personal life that is so devastating it wakes us up. others loose everything to their disease.. It is very serious.. I would suggest you look up the group Al Anon. it is a support group made up of family members that have gone thru it with loved ones our are going thru it like you.. My heart goes out to you as you are young into your marriage. I hope you look up educate yourself on alcoholism and addiction ok..  Read the forum,many times you find yourself reading anothers story and it is like reading about you and your life. people have made comments on these that can be very helpful. I'm sure others will be along for support. Remember her brain is not working like yours for it is under the influence.. alcohol does not just go away every 10 hours it builds as you drink everyday.. also your tolerance goes up just like with other drugs this is when you run into liver damage and these sort of things.. read educate.. do not enable her in her drinking but support her when she is sober.. I wish you well. lesa
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5039239_tn?1364028271
Sorry to hear your wifes drinking is getting out of control. She might not listen to you with your concerns for her drinking problem. We alcoholics quit when we want to. I wouldn't give up though. If she doesn't think she has a drinking problem then why does she always drink. Why not just quit, being it bothers you. Going away drinking with someone else would be a major concern to me also. Is she willing to give up her marriage for her drinking and her drinking buddy. Try being firmer with her, Be direct and don't listen to her reasons why she should drink. She is an alcoholic.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi, its very sad to hear progression of your wife, what i feel from this post is that your wife seems to be to addicted to alcohol, where she may be finding it too difficult to leave it, since she has also a family background where most of them use to drink or got a bad habit, thatswhy it can be hereditary at her part, i feel you need to take her to some good counselor or a rehab center to help her to come out of this problem, where she is not only destroying her own life but overall marital life too. Mind it it will be too difficult on her part to give up this addiction, you need to be on her side to help her to recover faster.
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