My guy has a drinking problem now, I believe

My guy has always liked to drink ever since I first met him nearly two years ago. But now about 6 months ago he moved to a house where 20 something's are at regularly, and lots of drinking goes on. He has started drinking more and more since being there. Getting drunk fairly often.  Sometimes once he's sober, he doesn't remember things he's said or did when drunk. And one time not too long ago he asked me over. He was drunk when I got there, I believe. He just slept most of the day. And when he came downstairs, he meant to have a cigarette, but he forgot he came down for a cigarette. And that same day, when I got there his pants were wet, and he had poop on his pants and boxers. But how do I know if I for sure should be worried?

[SincerelyYoursT]

how old is he?
The cornerstone of addiction is 'tolerance and withdrawal', & no notion of "once you start you cannot stop"
Does he drink every day? does he drink more and more? does he drink in the morning? can he drink a lot without being drunk?
does he 'HAVE TO' drink every day (or regularly)?
It's a slippery slope… but if the answer  is 'no', (considering his age), I wouldnt worry too much- YET

[ibizan]

I began drinking @ 14....and was really hitting it in my 20's.Not remembering what u've said or done is a blackout and sounds like he is developing a pattern which is not a normal thing for social drinking.He asks u over and is clearly intoxicated as is evidenced by wet pants and fecal stains...and u shouldn't worry-yet?I'd be worried and doesn't sound like much of a healthy relationship for u w/ a inebriated partner!what kinds of sober things do u enjoy doing 2 gether?

[SincerelyYoursT]

worry about the relationship??? Yes, I would be… but he isn't the first 20-something to drink too much and become a little reckless with the guys.
Does he drink alone???
Again, it is a slippery-slope into addiction….

[JaeSung]

He's 40. I don't know if he drinks every day. But he does drink more than he used to. Yeah, he has drank in the morning. He can drink quite a bit and not seem drunk. I asked him about his wet pants, and he said he spilled something on them. I am worried. We have watched or movies at times without him hardly drinking. Possibly he drinks alone. But we don't live together, so I can't say for sure. I can only figure it's pretty likely.

[ibizan]

i misunderstood his age...a 40 yr old who lives w/a bunch of heavy drinking 20 yr.olds is a red flashing light!is he divorced?children?what does he do for a living?does he take you out places?what do u 2 have in common w/one another?drinking a LOT and not seeming drunk is called tolerance....it is a symptom of alcoholism.

[JaeSung]

No. He lives only with one 20 something yr old guy, and one much older. All the other 20 something yr old people are people who stop by the house, and mainly drink. Divorced, two children. We'd go out if either of us had money to spare. He recently started working again. We don't need to have anything in common, so that question is irrelevant.

[addict3]

I think you should be worried just about everything you said should be cause for concern, in my opnion.

Alcoholics can pull the wool over your eyes in ways that seem justified to you. I think it is a gift we have. Just imagine what happens when you are not around to see.

No disrespect but, I would think things in common is a valid concern.

Good luck to you.

[SincerelyYoursT]

OK… with that information, I would be worried (not that it will help), but I would rethink what I am getting into.
Good luck

[JaeSung]

I believe too, that I should be worried. What I'm wondering is if I should tell his probation officer, even though very likely it will mean him going back to jail. (the jail thing this time around is unrelated to alcohol. Though his court order does say no alcohol. He gets around that by having no alcohol closer to the time he has to do ua's.

I've already "been in", for nearly two years. It's only been since moving to the new place in June, that his drinking has become a problem. And just this morning around three he called me. Talking about stuff that is random and makes no sense. I asked if he had been drinking, he said no. But I know the difference between how he is when drunk, and when sober.

[TTinKKerBBell]

You gave a lot of ALARMING info in Your first post:

"He has ALWAYS liked to drink"
"He's started drinking MORE and MORE"
"He's getting drunk fairly OFTEN"
"He doesn't remember what He's SAID or DONE"
"His pants were WET and He had POOP on His pants and boxers"

You follow these statements with the question:

"How do I know if for SURE I should be WORRIED"?

HoneyGirl, in all sincerity, I say to You:

HOW MANY RED FLAGS DO YOU NEED?

[CricketStrom]

Hi JaeSun,
Something that really helped me to understand what was going on when I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend was to go to a support group called Al-Anon. You can google it to find meetings in your area, or to find the hotline so you can ask which meetings would be best for someone new to this. The group is for people whose lives are affected by other people's alcoholism. You'll find people who have been through what you are going through and who can help you to stay sane and supported.

When you get to the meeting, find a woman and tell her that this is your first meeting and you'd like her help to understand what's happening. If you don't find help at the first meeting, just keep going to meetings and listening to what people have to say and telling people you're new until you find someone you can relate to. This is something that you need to talk to people about! They'll be able to help you find answers to your questions (like the one about the probation officer).

Good luck! Let me know if you have questions.

[JaeSung]

Thank you, Cricket.

[Deechy]

I was going to say exactly that. Obviously there is an attraction there for you ask yourself what you like about him and what can you see in the future he has been in jail could go back anytime if caught with a random test he doesn't care enough to not drink so he has a problem and if you go with him he will drag you down as well and in your heart it sounds like you know he is lying to you when you ask questions. He is alcoholic and you can't help himuntil he is ready to get help. Move on and have a life and you can always be a friend to him.

[Deechy]

I have lived with 2 alcoholic husbands duhhhhh slow learner and ALS went to al anon saw my part in it and was able to let go . Now years later they are still the same and I'm in AA FEELING GREAT and having a great life sober. Can't help people till they are ready to say they need help

[raavn111]

Drinking is very bad habit ask him to leave it otherwise leave him it would be dangerous to live with alcohol addicted person