My husband's problem

[Brownie9]

My husband's gone cold turkey before and had seizures. This time he'd been dry for a month then hit the vodka again. He started up again after winding himself up into a huge anxiety attack.  He's been drinking about 300ml a day for the last week.  He refuises medical help, and wants to go off it at home. we're trying to give him less and less each day.  It's hard.  I'm giving him lots of vits and things like valerian to help with the twitches etc.  He won't take any drugs or see the doctor.  If he goes cold turkey I'm worried he'll have another seizure.  Can this work?  How long should we take to ease him off?  

[hea]

I hope he continues in this path.  Don't let it sprial.  I married my husband January 2002 by July 2002 it was ****.  It was because I was totally naive to the whole thing.  I hope I'm not sounding patronizing because I'm really not trying to.  Good luck to the both you.

[Brownie9]

Hey who knows?  I only married this guy 3 months ago.  Have known him most of my life though.  I AM the most important thing to him - I know that. I have not lived with him as an active alcoholic.  So I have not had the chaotic life you all describe. He had sorted himself out before we married.  He had been drinking "socially" until he relapsed 2 weeks ago.

We're doing this by my rules. I've also made it clear that if he doesn't follow my rules on this, he is out. He has no money (I took it) and I took his credit cards as well. He doesn't know it but he had a total of 2 teaspoons of vodka in his juice yesterday. So yes I am an enabler.  We talked, and he point blank refused medical treatment, will not take drugs (other than this one), and quite frankly I agree with him on this.  Why swap one addiction for another?

I've used EFT (emotional freedom techniques) and TAT (Tapas Accupressure technique) for other people with addictions before, but I'm not an expert on addictions.  My belief (from EFT) is that we take drugs for a reason, we look for somthing to help us deal with anxieties etc.  If we just stop the drug without fixing the underlying problem, we're just denying comfort. I recommend EFT and TAT to all.

He's doing that to help his underlying issues and becoming clearer on where his problems started. To respond to your comments, hea, I have a very clear sense of self, and know what my priorities are.  So does he.   He understands he needs to stop drinking to head towards what we want.  He's doing that.

Good luck to you all.

[hea]

I'm not trying to sound rude but you do realize that you are enabling him don't you?  You are giving him alcohol, although well intentioned.  You are telling him it's ok to drink as long as it's in moderation.  It's not ok for him to drink.  Ever.  Ever again.  My husband is a recovering alcoholic.  He's been sober since July 2002.  I had him arrested for domestic violence.  After being out of the house for 1.5 months with no contact with me or the kids, he hit his rock bottom.  He picked his family.  I've loved and hated that man more then any person I've ever known.  It's been difficult.  Him getting sober has been just as difficult as him being drunk. I've been where you are at.  You are not going to be able to fix him.  You can't.  What you can do is get some help for yourself.  Alanon or a private counselor would be a good start.  I do understand where you are at.  I really do.  Life with an alcoholic is so out of control.  Priorities in their life are not what yours are.  Try getting yourself in order.  Get your sense of self back.  I disagree with the above poster.  You should never be second to anyone's addiction, particularly when it's an active addiction.  Both AA and alanon are clear about that.  Good luck to you.  I really wish the best for you and your husband.  I hope your both able to get the support you need.

[pbonney]

I am also married to an alcoholic. Reducing his amount of daily intake is not going to help him. All that does is remind him that he can not live without it, a reminder so to speak. My husband has been to prison as a direct result of alcohol, and stuggles daily with going back to jail. He is on parole and if caught will go back. The consequences never seem to be enough to make them stop. You need to get him into Detox, and then treatment. He has to stay as long as he needs it. Then AA to follow. All I can suggest is you hang in there, and remember to take care of yourself. The thing about dealing with an alcoholic is that you have to be willing to be second to his addiction. I am dealing daily with the same things you are. Be Strong, and pray! Have you considered campral? helps to stop cravings. Antibuse? when taken and alcohol consumed it makes them sick. Hang in there. I am praying for you!!!

[ibizan]

U hang in there dude!I've been clean/sober for 23 years.Am addictions counselor day job.Had to let go of a man i loved very much who relapsed with crack cocaine after 4 years clean.Sad to see 57 year old man ruin his life.Think bi-polar too but WE cannot do anyone elses homework for them!As for your wife who knows?Rome wasn't built in a day and it took a long time for ur sit to get the way it is...but the LONGER u stay sober your kids will see it..learn to trust u again.Don't know if u have teens but they do do as their parents do at times and rationalize that..i do believe in genetic predisposition towards this stuff too.....but u r the only father they have So one day atta time....sometimes thats 2 overwhelming so one hour atta time works for me!Keep moving forward!

[Brownie9]

Thank so much for your support. You know my husband went through all that with his first marriage.  Was still kidding himself that he had it under control.  I believed him as well until recently.  I let him go down the shops on his own on Saturday and then thought better of it and raced after him.  Sure enough there he was outside the liquor shop, with 2 cans of premix stuff.  He'd almost finished the 2 of them after already drinking his daily ration at home.

So at this point I realised how difficult this was. We talked on the way home and he finally agreed he had a problem with alcohol.  So rather than a daily ration, I started mixing drinks for him. He had the equivalent of 2 more standard drinks, spread over the rest of the day.

So far so good, I mix them and have reduced the amount in each one.  Today all day he's had the equivalent of 2 standard drinks in total.   We'll see how he goes.  He's had withdrawals through all this, but he's improving physically.  I'm hopeful.

Good luck roguehawkfan.  You have lots of live for.  

[roguehawkfan]

Do you know what it took for me to quit drinking? Would you believe when my wife took the kids and left me? When I lost my house, job, cars? When I had a seisure and came close to death? NOPE!! I went from being a 12-16 high proof beer drinker a day to down to occasional binges. I lost all that mattered except the one thing that did'nt matter.Alcohol...I am really tryingbut I miss my wife and kids so much that I turn to the thing that broke us apart..Well really, IT did'nt break us apart, I DID.. Your husband, while trying hard with your support, and I dont suggest you leave him but it could take something that extreme to make him see that he is on a dead end road, and I stress the DEAD part...He will have to decide what is ultimately more important to him, you and the family or his boze. I'm still struggling but doing much better but not better enough. I will probably never get my wife back, I honestly dont feel like I deserve her, but I want to have a relatioship with my kids so i'm trying to lick this thing but it sure is hard..Good luck with your husband...

[Brownie9]

Wish I could convince him of it. He's done that before tho and was not cooperative, even tho he stayed off alcohol for a good few months afterwards.  Very strongwilled guy. We're down to about 200mls today.  It's hard, he's in emotional and physical pain.  But he's getting there.  And he still insists that he wants to do it this way, he's allowing me to control it for him. We'll keep going like that.  If anyone's tried this, I'd love to hear any tips!  

[Krsmbt]

  I would suggest you get him into a detox unit ASAP and Alcohol rehab center. This is not something he should try on his own. If he really wants to quit for good, get him into AA. Don't drink and go to meetings. Good luck, I would suggest Alanon for you and the family as well. Great support group for those that live with or around an Alcoholic.