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My wife drinks a bottle of wine every night
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My wife drinks a bottle of wine every night

For the last several (7-8) years, my wife has been dependent on at least one bottle of wine every night, sometimes more. She's seen a counselor to try to cope with her issues (childhood sexual abuse), but that's petered out. She's tried taking meds to stop drinking but that didn't result in any long term improvement. She's gained significant weight (despite having has gastric bypass 10 yrs ago), and our sex life is tenuous at best. She doesn't get visibly drunk, or slur her words, but there have been conversations that she doesn't remember the next day. She also is very lethargic at night. I know if I don't act things will just get worse and worse. One issue I have is that I haven't shared this with anyone. Should I see a professional?  Should I share this with a trusted friend?  I feel I need to have someone close to me know what's going on so I have a shoulder to lean on.

Ugh.  This *****!
5 Comments Post a Comment
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1930941_tn?1383034359
I am at a lost as too what to suggest.  I was in a similiar situation a few years back as your wife is.  I had become an alcoholic a fews after the death of my sister with whom I was extremely close too.  At first I was a highly functional drunk.  Did not slur but I did not remember anything.  I also had had gastric bypass surgery that did not do much for me either.  Did you know that the likelyhood of someone becoming an alcoholic after gastric bypass is very high?  I did not know that until after I got sober, and to tell you the truth I might not have done it had I known.  I do think that her drinking will only continue to get worse.  And I am a firm believer that no alcoholic will get help or help themselves until they admit they have a problem.  It is really sad, that most will not accept help.  I did not think I needed help.   As for yourself....pls talk to someone.  I would look for a counselor that specilizes in addiction counseling.  It takes a really strong person, to help someone with a drinking problem.  And what you need to remember is that you must come first.  If you are not well, you can not help anyone else.  

I wish you the best.  I wish your wife a sober day.  God Bless ....
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1696489_tn?1370825574
Hello, Need.  I used to be 'your wife': married, long time drinker, refusing help or even admitting I had a problem.  My husband was like you, not knowing what to do.  The truth about any addiction, i think, is that the person having the addiction must realize there is something wrong, and then later come to a 'bottoming out' where they know they can't take one more day of it, and actually seek help on their own.  It's a long, frustrating process for both members of a marriage.  It took me years and years to 'bottom out', and I had other issues going on as well (mentally).  I am of the opinion that my husband actually helped me to reach the bottom: at first he tried not supporting my habit, not allowing me money enough to buy it (I don't work), and then after I hoarded enough to go get a bottle, he would refuse to be around me while I was drunk.  This tactic actually works in some cases I know.  But it didn't work for me: I literally didn't care if he was around or not.  I just wanted the bottle.  He switched tactics on me.  He let me have all the alcohol I could drink, he would leave bottles for me at home, and bring more when he came home from work.  He was not mean to me at all about it.  I was overjoyed at first, really enjoying being drunk every day.  Of course, it made me feel physically really awful.  It took me a little over two weeks of this before I 'broke': was sick and sick of being sick.  That's when I requested to go to rehab.  I was there 6 days (some take longer), but I am sober and I feel wonderful now.  I don't know what will help your wife.  I do know that the fact that my husband never left me was a big help.  I will be happy to respond if you msg me about this... maybe there is something I can say that will help you... - Blu
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Avatar_f_tn
hi.. I'm sorry for the situation you are facing in. Sit with your wife and talk with the problem you have on her and you itself give a counselling so that she might try to change her attitude for recovery.After that ask her to attend 12-step program and if she is not comfortable with join her in any good reputed drug rehab centers and that should be done with her permission... she should have the intention to join and recover from it.. Please help her out by you showing love and affection
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your comments.  I have read them, and re-read them, several times since I posted this.  Months have passed, and I only now have the strength and courage (desparation maybe?) to reply and say thank you.   I started seeing a therapist about her issues, but my wife thinks this woman is not qualified, she doesn't trust this woman, so I am having to line up someone else.  Tonight we had a serious discussion, and I feel things will only get worse from here.  Please pray for me.  Please wish me luck.  I'm going to need all of it and more.

D
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Avatar_f_tn
Have u been to any Al-Anon meetings yet?
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