Obsession replacement

Not sure, but since I quit alchohol over 4 months and weed 40 days, I have not been that spiritual and doing the steps. I read about them and I do the ones that are 'easy' like taking inventory. Anyway, I got into football pool at work which I had not done, this is gambling even tho low stakes, then I took a couple of bets on games, lost and stopped. Obviously there is a void. But now I have planned a sexual escapade which is not exactly cheating but it bothers me that I am obsessed with sort of stepping in the mud but not going all the way in. I seem to have no control to stop this plan.

I will explain that in the 4months + of sobriety, I have not been that happy. I am not missing booze, but relationship with wife has not improved by any stretch, we still have the arguments, and shouting as before, perahps a bit less. my job continues to cause me immense pain. it is only bec. I am going on vacation one week from tonite that i feel now a sense of euphoria all the time.

On this vacation place, there are many brothels and such, and I plan to have a totally non cheating, totally safe encounter (of couse I am obsessive about catching an STD). But somewhere in my mind I guess i feel it is wrong to be such a sneak.

Yet it seems that before when I was drinking and MJ'ing, I kept it at that but now that those 2 are gone, I am opening up a new can of worms.

I guess my question, why am I not attaining this spirituality that AA talks about?

[ibizan]

if ur married,and u have sex outside ur marriage..thats cheating to me!i know males view if diff....what ur describing with the marital probs is normal in early sobriety.Ur situation did not develop overnite.Does wife go to Al-Anon?in counseling?Either of u doing that?At 4 mos. sober the spirituality is not going to DESCEND upon u.If ur still thinking the same thoughts,and practicing the same behaviors minus the drink..and ur still mj'ing right?then thats not working toward spirituality in my book.I'm coming up on 24 yrs.sober/clean.Spirituality was something i pondered,read about and developed on my own.I cleaned out my closet and was responsible for my own dirt!It is about bein ghonest with self and others..and most of all not doing things that u can't look self in mirror eye 2 eye and feel good about!Man u men!poking ur rod in2 places so many others have been b4 even if its covered with latex........yicky yicky yicky!

[uberadtx]

Congratulations on gettings sober.  I have to tell you that the answer to your question is really right in your post.  You are taking the "easier softer way".  Who wouldn't?  Its painful enough to give up your best friend and lover why make it any harder on yourself? Also, 4 months or 4 days sober does not repair the damage that is done.  Ask yourself how long you used.  I started using when I was 7 years old. So basically I used for 24 years before I got sober. I have had tons of stuff to contend with.  You have to understand that you are no longer the person that everyone around you knows.  Its as difficult for them as it is for you.  They need to recover themselves in a different way than you. I was frustrated myself with my spirituality so I have this book, "The Spirituality of Imperfection" its awesome.  It helped me see things a little clearer.  But what ultimately brought me to that gratitude you hear others talk about is the steps.   You should do them with someone.  And really embrace step one.  Your life is unmanageable. I dont even know you but you are shouting it in your post.  The question is do you really believe it? Until you are ready to admit that to yourself and others, you have no chance for a recovery.  I vacillated between the steps for years trying to get better and I did.  Its a painful wonderful journey that you only have to do once.  Keep me posted on your progress.

[shomneg]

I have stopped MJ but that is harder for me to give up totally, altho I hve 40 days clean of that, and there were a period of 2 weeks in Sept, and a week bef. that, so it's been building to more. If it's harder to give up, that's my reality. I love MJ more. And also, i see it's ok for cigarette smokers to continue their addiction at AA meetings, and for anti depression meds, that is OK, so what is so wrong about a little MJ ? only that i can't control it. that is true. but I am controlling it, imho.

Anyways about the sex I dont intent to poke the little fella anywhere. I just want someone to be alittle private and erotic for my viewing pleasure. I don't see that as cheating but I do see that it must be pointing to a spiritual malaise, that I need this kind of excitement, similar to gambling.

It is that sort of nightlife alure, the clubbing, the fun, with the booze that used to be a part of it.

I appreciate your help, it's a work in progress!

[ibizan]

ur coming along..it takes time!There are so many std's out there today.....and so easy to pick up HSV-1 and a host of others!The std forum and doctors corner is chock fulla info on this.If ur gonna go into a ho-house and be in a room with a ho i think u'll b tempted to do more than just viewing pleasure!People in 12 step who NEED anti-depressants and anti-anxiety agents are not using them for a buzz!and oh yes these smokers at meetings UGH!...find a non-smoking meeting!ya can't get popped for driving under the influence of nicotine!MJ to these substances is apples 2 oranges........yes we are works in progess...and Uber well/eloquently put!

[dark69meat]

Obsession replacement --  Well I do have OCD... aka "Obsessive Compulsive disorder".  About every thing I do is compulsive, whether it's work, exercising, booze, marijuana, neat freak and above all SEX.  The later is a tough one and hard to control, but somehow I just have to find a way not to make poor decisions.  I think more in terms the fallout the 'next day' for my actions now; that wasn't the case before, where I was living every minute as my last with TOTAL self-indulgence and gratification.  Quite childish looking back...

Gambling (which I don't partake) can't be any different, all of it is bad news for me.  And it's a personality disorder, one has got to overcome.  Of course this is easier said than done.

shomneg  - Don't **** around it's not worth it!

ibizan  - the smokers are at my meeting but they all go outside.  I was about the only who wasn't.

[ibizan]

shom ur getting good advice here from dark why spend short amount of time doing somethin u'll feel guilty about for a large amount of time?.......and dark..i in minority with no -smoking...glad so many meetings now r that way!

[dark69meat]

Yeah, they smoke, but so what I guess; they are good people with a strong message.

A few minutes of pleasure can be a life time of grief...I know this all too well!

[ibizan]

that smoke sure didn't deter me from the bars in the day....but love smoke free!oh YES can relate to momentary pleasure and what it costs.......the lessons of hindsight!in alcohol related matters and then some!