Please support me

This is my first attempt to stop drinking.  I've never lost a job, or gotten a DUI, or lost a relationship because of my drinking, but I know I abuse alcohol.  I have 2 teens that are starting to notice my drinking.  I drink every night.  I don't get "sloppy", but more often than not, I do black out.  It seems that no matter how much or how little I drink, I black out.   I drank on Friday July 30th, and now its Sunday late afternoon, and I'm having such a strong craving. I'm not having any other physical withdrawls.  I'm fed up with being hung over, I'm sick of being depressed about not remembering things.  My husband drinks too, and can handle it better than me. He is supporting me, but he isn't home now, and will not be home in the evenings for 2 weeks, due to a temporary shift change.   When he isn't here I don't drink to the point of getting drunk or blacking out, but I do drink alone.  I don't want to drink every day.  I don't want to drink and get wasted.  I want to socially enjoy it, on special occasions.  I stayed up all night last night reading this whole thread and couldn't believe some of the similarities I have with people who are full blown alcoholics.  I don't want to get that way, and I'm really afraid I'm going to end up there is I don't make some changes now.

[Jacker]

I don't know whether you've crossed the line into alcoholism or not, but it's smart to get a hold on this now before it goes further.  At minimum, you probably have some level of addiction, and that's why you feel such a craving.  It's the addiction "calling to you", and if you're going to break this cycle then it's very important that you stand firm.  

As a general rule, the worst of the physical withdrawals are gone in 3-5 days, and the lingering ones are gone within 7-10 days.  Keep telling yourself that that's a small price to pay to have your life back.

My advice would be for you to stop drinking for a period of time to fully break the cycle.  At least 30 days, although 60 or 90 would be better.  This would give you time to break the cycle and learn to live without alcohol. If you attempt your "social drinking" too soon, you my find yourself back in the same boat.

One last thing I might recommend: If you decide to start drinking again, keep track of it in a journal.  If you find yourself slipping back into the old routine (and if you can't keep it within reasonable limits), then it's very likely that you are an alcoholic.

I never lost a job, spouse, or got a DUI either, but I crossed that line and it took me a long time to admit it. I would have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd have admitted it sooner, but everyone has to follow their own path.

Good job on Day#2!  Keep up the fight.  Drink lots of water, and drink gatorade too (or something to boost electrolytes).  Eat fruit, and get some mild exercise (going for walks can help).  This will weaken in a few more days.  Keep yourself busy with projects during the times that you usually drink.

Lastly- be careful when you start to feel normal again.  Most drinkers use that as an excuse to go back to drinking, and you need a break.  

[narla]

I have never heard of anyone who drinks everyday and has blackouts and then goes through withdrawals when they stop be able to control their drinking.
I drank every day a lot of the time on my own,I stopped through both my pregnancies, after the births I thought I would be able to just drink socially again but found 1 day led to 2 which led to 3 etc:
I also stopped for a year because I was told not to drink alcohol for that length of time after I had a brain haemorrage and surgery to repair it,once again as soon as a year was up thought I could handle social drinking again,same thing happened,your brain takes over and you start reasoning with yourself that it's ok to drink when you want.
If you believe you have a problem then in my opinion you will have to stop and not drink again.You can do it and it's not the end of the world.
I have found out that I damaged my liver through alcohol, I have now been sober for 339 days nearly the 12 months but this time I don't intend to ever drink alcohol again.My health isn't worth it.

Denise

[julez1]

thanks so much for all of the advice.  Honestly, every little piece of advice helps.  My sister is getting married in a month and its my goal to not have a drop until then.  And then, aside from the champagne toast I'm going to try and avoid the bar. I will keep you updated, and thanks again.

Denise~  sigh, Your words ring true in my ears.  I agree with the first sentence in your post.  At this point, I believe there's a fine line between abusing alcohol and being an alcoholic, and I believe I'm walking that line, and it scares me to death.  

[Jacker]

Julz, I noticed the phrase you used about having similarities with a "full blown alcoholic".  I understand what you mean by that- I used the same terminology when I was coming to grips with this thing.  When i thought of alcoholics, I thought of people who drank in the morning or all day long, and lost their job, or got thrown in jail on a regular basis.  But it's all relative......I also used to refer to myself as a "borderline alcoholic" because it helped me deny the seriousness of my problem.  But in reality, there are no borderline alcoholics......you're either an alcoholic or your not, and from there it's merely a matter of stages (early versus middle or late stage).  The progression is always downward, so you have to ask yourself "How far down do I want to go?"  

As a reality check, think about this:  You have two teens in the house, and you are blacking out.  Do you realize how dangerous that is? If there were an emergency situation, you would be unable to handle it.  I'm not saying this to be judgmental, but I want to put things in perspective-.....you might look at someone who is further down the path as a "full blown alcoholic" and you say "good....I'm not there yet".  But a normal drinker would look at you and say "wow-this person has gone so far that she is blacking out with her kids in the house!"

It's all a matter of perspective, and I have had the same issues.  Although I never got a DUI, I drove drunk more times that I can count, endangering myself, my wife, and the lives of other people.  A "normal" drinker would look at me and say that I was way over the line too.  

[narla]

I also have never had a DUI because my husband drove everywhere at night,also I only ever drank at night not during the day,I also held a full time job,I was an office manager running the company.I used to call myself a high functioning alcoholic,my friends had no idea that I was an alcoholic,even my husband didn't know the extent of what I was doing,I was also abusing codeine,most of my drinking was done alone in my bedroom,my daughter was the only one that realised I'd spiralled out of control,but didn't say anything to me.So what is an alcoholic?you can only decide for yourself.

Denise

[dominosarah]

I never had a DUI or lost a job either but i am a full blown addict in recovery.  I think you have crossed that line and trying to go back to social drinking wont be a good thing for you.  I would really recommend some sort of recovery care.  Drinking is only a symptom of what is going on.  Please stop what you are doing now before it is too late.  Our bodies are not made to handle all that alcohol and the damage that does happen is usually permanent, including death.  Make the right choice here~~~~~sara

[ibizan]

You have received xcellent words her from my cyberfriends in recovery!I would avoid that champagne toast at the wedding.....raise the glass but do not drink it....one will get you started again and others will be consumed with downing their drink and not notice that u weren't downing yours!I got a bachelors degree a masters degree and held a professional job b4 I woke up to my denial/rationalizing my alcohol/drug addiction.

[julez1]

Thank you all.  Day 3....  I feel extremely depressed.  I can't believe that I really and truly have developed this problem.  And a lot of people I know drink more than i do, and they never black out or are hung over.  Does anyone know why this is?  

[dominosarah]

We are all made differently.  I used to wonder why i couldnt drink but others could...it just doesnt matter as all that does matter is that i cant drink, not even 1.  I also used to look at my addiction as a real thorn in my side but not anymore.  When i finally realized i was powerless over this i found acceptance and healing.  This doesnt happen overnight as it is a life changing process.  Look at all the good things you really do have in your life.

Congrats on 3 days!!!!               sara

[ibizan]

i drove myself nuts trying to figure out why I was never a social drinker/recreational drug user...tried millions of times and failed.So i got weary of my analysis paralysis and came to the SIMPLE conclusion that i somehow was missing an internal OFF switch.....and the best thing i could do was to SIMPLY NOT put chemicals of any kind in2 my system!

[julez1]

Today is day 4.  Whoopee right?  Well if I make it through the day, I will be happy.  I've come to realize that a big part of why I drink is because of the stress created by my 15 year old daughter.  We just got back from the psychiatrist and it was a very tense visit.  Please keep me in your prayers today.

[Jacker]

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers on this, but once you get stable, you'll find that you are better able to face your problems "head-on".  You may even find that there are solutions you weren't willing to consider when you were sober.  

Congrats on Day 4 (Whoopee!).  This gets better!

[dominosarah]

Congrats on day 4!!!  You are doing great!!  Keep it going.......sara

[Purbeckgirl]

Congrats on day 4!!!

[narla]

Congratulations on day 4,you can do this,and we'll be here to help if you need to chat or are having cravings.Good Luck

Denise

[julez1]

Its the morning of day 5 and before I go to work I wanted to share something with you all.  Last night my very hard to reach 15 year old crawled into bed with me for a heart to heart.  If I had been drinking, I probably wouldn't have been present enough to be any good to her. But I wasn't, and I want to say thanks to all here because when I do have that urge, I can come here and read until that urge goes away.  Thanks for all the support, and the support others have received.

[narla]

Isn't it great to be able to talk to our children with a clear head,I'm so proud of you,keep talking and we'll keep answering,we are here for you

Denise

[Jacker]

That's great julez. I think you'll find more of a connection with her and with other people as well, as you spend more time sober.  Drinking is a very "self absorbed" activity, and it's difficult to notice others when you are in a drinking cycle.  I've found that I listen to others, and actually care more as a sober person.  In many ways, I think this is a gift of seeing both sides.....once you've experienced the selfishness of excessive drinking, you can fully appreciate the gifts that sobriety can offer.

[ibizan]

that was a good thing!so wise of you to make needed changes now for if you don't your daughter is likely to repeat your behavior....then when you admonish her for it she will say BUT MOM...YOU DRANK!one hour at a time...one day at a time!keep up the momentum!

[dominosarah]

This was so nice to read this morning.  Now is the time when we need to be there for our kids as they are going thru so many emotional battles at that age........Keep it going!!!   sara

[Westguy1003]

There's plenty of things you can do to start out on getting better. It would help if you told us how much you drink and for how long. There can be serious withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms if you shock your body too much. You should really check with a doctor and talk this over with him / her. However, here are some basic ideas for you

1. Find a doctor and get yourself checked out physically to see how your body is doing. Share your concerns with the doctor and discuss any possible withdrawl (withdrawal) dangers he/she can advise you on. They can also refer you to support groups and or / counseling services in your area that will be free of charge.

2. AA is probably a good place to start and there are meetings all over the place. A little depression counseling doesn't hurt either. If you're having trouble stopping on your own then you need to start treating the addiction right away and a support group like AA would be a fantastic place to start.

3. Open the yellow pages and check out the first few or last few pages. There's usually toll free support line numbers there. Suicide line, depression line, etc... Speaking from personal experience some of the operators on those lines are very capable and can also refer you to support and or counseling groups in your area including AA.  I've had some good talks with the operator on the depression lines. If you don't have a phone book then just google "Depression hotline" or "Alcohol support" and your city/state and look at the results.

4.  From my own experience I've found that adjusting your sleep schedule so that you get a decent, full nights sleep each night is very helpful. Sleep rejuvinates the body and the mind. Life always seems a lot worse if you're exhausted all day.

5. I've found that a little exercise helps as well. You don't need to get crazy, just do a little bit. Do some stretching in the morning or before you go to bed, Maybe go for a walk in the morning or at night. Bring along your ipod or whatnot and listen to some good music that you enjoy. Classical music, I find, is peaceful and thought provoking. I defy anyone to be upset while listening to classical music.

6. Remember a time when you drank too much even for you. Remember the bad feelings, bad things that happened, and most importantly remember how awful you felt when you woke up the next day (probably late) and how the whole day was ruined. Try to capture that feeling in your mind and think about it. Then think about how much nicer it is to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning, having had a good nights sleep, no hangover, no embarassing memories from the night before. Make that a goal to strive for each day. And each day when you wake up take a moment to realize how much better and nicer it is to wake up that way.

7. Don't be afraid to let people in. Friends, family, boyfriend, etc.. if they care about you then trust me they WANT to be there to help you through this.Don't feel you have to be alone if you have loved ones that are more than willing to go it with you. You don't have to shut people out. Your health, your recovery, is key.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to speak with a doctor about all of this. They can better walk you through the steps you need to take to safely detox from alcohol and help put you on the path to recovery. We can't diagnose you or give you medical advice on here, we can only share our own experiences and thoughts based on what we've gone through. But it's a resource you should certainly utilize!

It's a long road and it certainly isn't easy. Feel free to avail yourself of those hotlines you'll find whenever you want and certainly feel free to come on this forum and share with us if you need to talk or vent or just be heard. There's not much you can tell us on here that we haven't heard or done before! No shame, just support!

[julez1]

Thanks so much for the advice.  I'm 7 days sober today, and feeling great!

[Westguy1003]

Good for you! Congratulations!

[Purbeckgirl]

WTG!

[dominosarah]

Yaaaaaaaa julez!!!  Keep it going!!              sara

[julez1]

Thanks guys!!  xoxo

[narla]

You are going to beat this,you are doing so well congratulations on 7 days.

The days will mount up before you know it.

Denise

[rod44]

Be as proud of yourself as we are of you
You are starting a journey that will give you peace of mind & a life beyond your wildest dreams, stick with it :)

Ray

[serenity2870]

In reading this I am glad to hear you have stopped drinking.  I am a recovering alcholic today and it is my 112th day.

This is my 2nd attempt at sobriety and my thinking is so much better and clearer and to honest life is a little bit easier.  Sure I want to drink sometim es but now the thought of no vodka again was physicaly and mentaly hard to process that thought.  Then my husband knocks some send into me and says dear people like you when you are sober when you are drunk you are annoying and so on ( I still say that is not true when I was drunk everyone loved me lol)  
One thing I want you to think about is when you go to a party or a wedding things you normally would get drunk at and make a plan before you go or if it is going to make you that uncomrtable dont go.  I have not gone to wedding and I attended one.  What we did was get there a little bit before dinner so we could mingle and I could talk to some people and then we ate dinner and mingled again and left about 9 when people started there drunken talks lol oh and i really can not dance when I am sober so strange I could swear I knew how to swing dance when I was drunk lol

[julez1]

Thanks Serenity.

[Audrey_M]

Congratulations on making it yet through another day.

Let me introduce myself by saying that I am a daily drinker and have been for years. I drink at night. I call myself a functional alcoholic. No DWIs, no job problems, no financial problems due to drinking, no hangovers or missed days of work due to drinking. It has, however, had a profound impact on my relationship with my son.

With your newly found sobriety, maybe you'll gain some insight. When I read your first post, there appears to be some denial. It is not normal to black out, unless you are taking medication that interacts with alcohol. If you were fed up with waking up with a hangover and not remembering things, this is also a likely sign that you were minimizing the effects of your drinking.

You mentioned that a possible reason for your drinking was to relieve stress coming from your relationship with your daughter. Kids pick up on their parent's drinking long before the parent realizes it. Don't know how your daughter was acting, but some family members deal with it by being a provoker, attacking the alcoholic, thinking that this will get them to change. That is what my 20 year old son is doing to me right now.  He is so angry and the level of stress in this house is unbelievable. I am not the one to start arguments, he is. Even with family counseling, he just glares at me and rolls his eyes, but he will not say how my drinking has hurt him.

With your sobriety, you have the opportunity to rebuild your relationship with your daughter. I would highly encourage you to have your children attend Al-Anon, or Al-Teen so that they understand more about how your drinking has affected them. They also need to know that you might slip one day, but that doesn't mean that you can't put yourself back on the wagon again.

Keep up with the good work!

[julez1]

Thanks Audrey, and I appreciate your insight.  Since I posted that first post, I've done a lot of reading and soul searching.  I believe that i am an alcohol abuser, and have quit cold turkey.  In fact, I was taking medication that contributed to the blackouts, and honestly, the blackouts werent what convinced me I had a problem.  I belong to another forum called sober recovery, and have spent hours reading posts from here and from there.  I believe I have a problem with alcohol because during my first drink, I'm thinking about the second.  When I feel buzzed, I don't have that off switch that normal drinkers have.  I drink to get drunk, period.  That isn't normal social drinking.  My stress wasnt from the relationship I have with my daughter, it was from the stress over her making wrong decisions in her life.  Don't get me wrong, its been a long road with her, but weirdly enough, we remain close no matter what dumb thing she decided to do.  I havent mentioned anything to my 13 year old son about my drinking, but I was out at an art fair with my daughter and I very casually mentioned that I've quit drinking.  She said "you DID??"  I said yes, its unnecessary, and unhealthy, and I'm done with it, and thats been all that has been said.  I'm on the computer every night getting support from some online friends in recovery, and I have to say, its helped tremendously.  Thanks again for your response. Its so nice to know people care.

[Jacker]

Julez & Audrey

You described my drinking habits and history perfectly!

[dominosarah]

I am SO happy for you~~~~~sara