Role Model?

[Bob185]

I am concerned over my daughter and son (19 & 17)  in regards to my alcoholism.  I began struggling with alcohol at 42 (i'm 49 now) .  I was never abusive or loud and there were intervals where I wouldn't drink at all.  I always spent alot of time with them and coached them while they were growing up and did many things with them as they were growing up.  I don't know how far back they remember me being doing all of these things from the time they were little. I was always gentle, loving and supportive, but these past few years they have seen my alcoholism up close for what it is. I don't want them to think they can "solve their problems" thru alcohol and I worry about the example (a poor one) that I have set. I can't change the past.  I have told them upfront to learn from my mistakes.  Any thoughts?

[walternowotny]

There are two important things for you to do:
1.Deal with your drinking problem...stop drinking and stop for good
2.Be honest with your children and validate their concerns and feelings.
Everything else is secondary....It doesn't do them any good if you tell them how much you love them unless you do those two things...
I am an adult child of alcoholics and my father never acknowledged he did anything wrong.
When I reminded him specific instances when he was extremely physically  and emotionally abusive toward me and my(now dead) mother his reaction was that he doesn't remember anything like that.The fact that I do didn't mean anything to him...
Listen to your children...you may learn something.
Good luck
Walter

[TJack]

I just admire you speaking with them and what you have told them.  Alcoholism is a disease.  That is one thing we all need to remember.  Some people can drink and not become drunks and others become alcoholics.  Sounds to me like you were a very good dad to your kids and i bet they remember that.  They also see that you are trying to get through this and be a better parent again.  All you can do is be honest with them.
What are their feelings towards you now?  Hang in there.  You can't keep beating yourself up for things in the past.  I know, i've been there.  I just want to get better and stay better and i am working hard towards that goal.   I think you are too.