Serious help needed- Alcohol issues question

[nwdujkh345]

Hi,

To cut a long story short I black out 98% of the time I consume alcohol. Bad things have happened to me in the past, and I have embarrassed myself with friends, with strangers, with work- you name it. I cry for days after and feel awful for a long time after certain nights that I drank. It's not even the amount I drink anymore but my body obviously can't handle it. I can't go out and have one drink, once I start its completely downhill from there, there's no stopping and no remembering anything. I have been avoiding going to bars etc for the past while which has been fine but there's a work event at a new job coming up in a few days that has a free bar and the whole evening will be centered around alcohol (it's a party in the evening). I'v tried looking for a therapist I could talk to about this before then but I can't find anyone on such short notice. I'm so scared I won't be able to to not drink. I'll think 'I can have just ONE drink'.. and then we all know what happens. I'm so scared. Any tips/advice/thoughts..are welcome.... thanks

[CML2014]

Well welcome to the club. You are where we all are, were, or going to be....a drunk!

Alcoholism is what you are describing and it's a b----!  Quiting will be the hardest thing you have ever done , but will be the thing you will be most proud of in your entire life.

I think you should find a addiction counselor to work with, Then you will have someone to be accountable to.

With counseling, AA, and the way you feel about yourself right now---well you have a shot at letting go of that demon....but you must work every minute of every day to keep it in check.

......and  I so agree that you NOT show up at that party....or any party , bar, or club, for a very long time. It will only bring you despair.

I am a recovering alcoholic and you sound exactly like me. It has been over 20 years since I last drank, but they have been the best 20 years of my life. because now I actually have a LIFE!

Stick around for support. That is what we are here for.

Good Luck and Stay Strong,
CML

[BetterDays200]

Been there.  It is a REALLY tough decision to decide that you have had enough.  Hopefully, you will find the strength you need to quit.  Its funny how the problems we create from drinking can actually be left behind us when we stop adding to them.

I can't pretend to have the answer for you, but listening at an AA meeting and thinking really hard about how what they say may apply to you is probably worth the investment. (free! you can't beat that!)

Better days are ahead!

[ibizan]

Not drinking or drugging IS a BETTER life!well worth the work!

[Gatorstgu]

Everything you said is 100% correct. I have been battling alcoholism for about 15yrs since college, and being in a fraternity. I thought it was normal to drink 20 drinks and then go to class the next morning. When I got into the work force, it got worse. Started taking those 3 martini lunches, and eating mints like I had stock in them. Learned the hard way, mainly because of an over inflated ego: DUI, disorderly intoxication, RAWOV, everything but a felony. I work as a freelance interpreter so I could still walk that fence.
Now, if I have one drink I am screwed. I am either talking to an officer, pissing off some guys girl at a bar, or coming home without a clue where I had been.
You have to want to STOP, and AA, although I have problems with, if it will save my life I am for it. Not drinking is not such a bad life.

[jugglin]

First and foremost, I strongly encourage you to seek the help of an addiction counselor, AA, or another recovery program...you need support and advice from others.  

Secondly, do not go to the work function.  I get that it is a new job and work related....can you fake illness?  You are at more risk of showing up, drinking, embarrassing yourself, risking your job than you are at risk of losing your job to not making an appearance.  I have been there, done that and have seen it too many times.  Do not risk your career...do not risk tarnishing your name.

AA meetings take place all around you, all the time.  Google meetings in your area.  Just show up and listen...you don't have to talk.  You will find some amazing support there.  Folks who have walked in your shoes.

I wish I had a magic answer to give you that included showing up to the event, having one drink, and leaving. But that just isn't the case.  

I wish you the very best.  Stick around...there is some amazing support and experience on this site.  
Good luck!