Spouse - Alcoholic?

[Florida_Guy737]

I managed to taper myself off the pain meds and having living a reasonably healthy lifestyle.  I'm not judgmental in any way of what people are dealing with because I understand how hard it is to change a routine or pattern.  My wife happens to like beer...really like it.  I don't mind her drinking beer at all and sometimes I'll even purchase the exotic beers for her so she could enjoy something else.  The only thing I ever asked of her was not to drink and drive and she usually abides by this.  But, if I offer to drive if were going somewhere, 4-5 beers before we leave is not uncommon...I believe she is a binge drinker.  She usually drinks a 6 pack everynight, weighs only a bit over 100lbs and she gets pretty wasted...I really don't like it.  I dont like it because I don't she is who she really is...the beer is talking (she gets dramatic when she drinks).  Last night we had to attend a sports function where our son was competing; she was slurring her speech, smelled like beer and she's not paying attention to her personal grooming anymore.

Before anyone states talk to her, understand where shes at, try to figure out why she drinks, etc...I have been with her over 25 years, she always drank some but not like now, she doesn't have to work and usually stays at home, we have a good communication and I have asked her to be cool with the drinking, consider the health effects, etc.  

If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears because this is really getting old.

Guy

[Florida_Guy737]

Thank you so much for your thoughts...I'm reading your post a few times and you have made me see the future a bit more clearer...

[moonshyne777]

  She needs to get into some treatment. For a tiny lady like her 6 beers would be like most people drinking a 12 every night. She has a problem but unless she truly see's it as a problem I'm afraid there's not much you can do. SHE needs to be made to realize that her drinking is not just 'social'. Chances are last nights episode she was using alcohol to 'calm her nerves' before a social function. You do need to talk to her and let her know how her drinking is affecting you. Try to avoid getting upset with her when you do talk to her, that will only put her on the defensive. If she is in denial nothing you say will convince her that her drinking is anything other then social but maybe if you *tactfully* point out a few things (the slurred speech, etc) then she might see things for what they really are.

You also might want to check out Al-Anon, a group for people who have a loved one who is an alcoholic. I hope she see's that there is a problem and gets help. I lost my mother a few years ago and alcohol played a huge role in her death. She was only 47 years old and her liver just couldn't take it anymore. The hell we went through both with her death and the years and years of turmoil we endured when she drank is indescribeable. She did get sober a few times but always eventually relapsed. The problem with alcohol is that it's legal, easy accessible and people who drink seem to have a much harder time accepting that they have a problem. When your an alcoholic (or any kind of addict for that matter) the voice of denial will always find a way to justify the drinking. (Oh it isnt THAT much, well I need to calm my nerves etc etc) Once she accepts that she has a problem she can get help. Have your children expressed their concerns with moms drinking? If her drinking is troubling them it would be a great idea to take them and you to a few Al-Anon meetings. There you will learn so much. How we can innocently enough become ''enablers'' and how we ourselves can be in denial over a loved ones drinking and how some people end up having to ''cover'' and make excuses for their loved ones drinking and the behaviour that comes with it. My moms drinking really messed me up when I was a kid. I always felt responsible for her and always blamed myself. Kids do that. they will always find a way to make it their fault so I would make sure I get those kids help even if she refuses. In Al-Anon there is a sub group called Ala-teen. It's for kids who are having to deal with a parents drinking and it can really help them understand that it's not their faut and teach them whats going on with them.

My heart really goes out to you. This is a subject that really hits home for me. My whole family endured a lot over the years my mom was drinking and now we don't have her and it hurts us so bad every day. She did get sober with the help of AA and went a few years here and there without drinking but it's a horrible addiction not everyone makes it. Hopefully your wife listens to you and seeks the help she needs but please no matter what she does you need to get some help for you and the kids. Even if you think her drinking is not affecting them, it is. Kids will keep a lot bottled up inside and thats no good. They will take the stuff they've bottled up and it will show itself in different ways. Most often with behavioural problems at school. They feel helpless about the situation at home so they go to school and act out because its an environment they can 'control'. Anyways my prayers are with you and I hope your wife listens to you and gets the help she needs. God bless.