Hello all. After reading the posts hear, I decided to join. I am an alcoholic of 25 years. Five years in recovetry program/AA and I blew it. So here I am again. I have ten days of sobriety. I'm glad to have a clear mind. I feel a little restless and taking one day at a time. Urges are there but fighting off. Trying to keep busy and drink lots of water. Thanks for being here.
relapse is a sneaky process that starts between ur 2 ears!so much wisdom in the HALT acronyms true meaning....and in a flash we can be in a bad place of our choosing!looking back,can u c where u got derailed?r u back to meetings?do u have/use a sponsor?good 4 u 2 be here...lots of good recovery going on in this forum!
On looking back, I think I was attending meetings but not really taking a good look at myself and working the steps. I feel like I just drifted further and further out into the sea of the drinking crowd again and tried to convince myself I was "normal" and didn't have a problem anymore. I have attended one meeting so far. During the week is tough, but I just found another one close by, which I will try Thursday (after I attend my son's school). No, no sponsor yet. Glad to hear of all the recovering people here. Gives me hope again.
I quit a couple of years shy of 41 years old. It's a good time to quit for good. You can still manage to make amends to your kids, before they're off on their own. How old is your son? I made my quitting all about my responsiblity as a parent, and when i did, it worked for the long haul. Our kids need us so badly to set the example.
Now, almost 15 years later, i realize that had I continued, i could have lost my son's respect, forever. SO not worth being sick with alcoholism....
Also, think of your liver, your body can only take so much abuse, (i was found to have hepc as well , ugh!) Maybe check and see how your liver is functioning.
Congrats on quitting. and hope you find a sponsor. Keep us updated on how your meetings are going?
I am actually 42, Nighthawk61, and I agree with you about the time to quit is now. I have an older daughter that also witnessed a lot of my boozing and drunk moments and she did lose respect for me--partially regained some respect back now over the last couple of years, but she is off busy socially drinking with her friends now and hasn't seen my latest drunk moments. Unfortunately my son has and I totally regret it. It brings tears to my eyes for the times he has seen me out of control. I have thirteen days as of today, but the biggest reason for quitting now is him and for my own health. I had to be driven home from a friends cabin after I got angry/out of control at my husband, and my son saw it all. I had 9-10 drinks. When I got back home, my son said to me with tears in his eyes, "mom, will you please stop drinking or cut down." So I swore to him I would give it my all only to end up drunk again a week later (he was at a sleepover). Next morning, I had to go to work, still felt drunk, couldn't find my wallet or my cell phone feeling out of control. So now I haven't had a drink for 13 days now. My son said to me, "mom, I've noticed that you haven't drank lately." I told him that he was right, and he said "good job mom." I felt sooo good. I believe for me that all these years I was reluctant to commit to total abstinence, and so I've struggled for 20 years to try and control the drinking, even though I felt I was enjoying myself, I really wasn't and my world was out of control. I know I'm being a little long winded but what you said "i realize that had I continued, i could have lost my son's respect, forever. SO not worth being sick with alcoholism...." And yes, I wonder if and how to get my liver checked out. I'm not sure if one can just randomly get a check for your liver and what you would say. Something to look into. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it.
You sure can easily ask for a blood test for liver function. Any good doctor would respect you for asking. You're an adult that drinks, alcohol can compromise your liver, so a blood test is nothing out of he norm to ask for. You sound like you haven't spoke to your doctor about being alcoholic and would rather not have anyone know. Pride goeth before the fall. This may be a red flag and something that you may need to change, from your last program of sobriety? It's all about tweaking your program after a relapse.
Most clean and sober alcoholics say its important to tell your health professionals for accountability. The more people know of your secret, the less you will be enabled by them, and the less likely you will use, because you don't want to have to update them on a relapse. It helps to be open. Think of it this way for a moment. IF you had of divulged to your doctor, (which it is suggested that you do) that you are an alcoholic when you were sober for the five years, your doctor would automatically check your live function. You would have been sensitized long ago to the fact that by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, you are in fact putting your liver at risk, and any doctor would be prudent in advising you , after discussing it with you, that the amount you drink is excessive and represents a huge problem to your health. You see? This is why it's suggested that addicts are open to their health care professionals, primary care physicians, dentists, pharmacists, etc. By being honest, it will be far less likey that a doctor would prescribe you with a prescripton, for instance, that would put your sobriety in jeopardy. You would be at less risk for cross addiction, a devestating problem for addicts. Being cross addicted (several times over) is a part of addiction you can do without (hopefully you are currently). Being open and honest about your alcoholism , raises your bottom. (raises your bottom heeheeheheh)
ha, i'm talking to you now in an open forum about this, rather than messaging you privately so that you see it's beneficial to talk in the open about addiction. There is no shame in addiction. It happens to the best of us. We must go to any lengths......to stay sober.
IT IS WONDERFUL that your son is able to talk to you and tell you his feelings about your drinking. He feels safe enough to do that , and that is a fine testament to your parenting. Many children feel too threatened to talk openly. Congratulations on being a good mom..... and Congratulations on your first 14 days. I'd love to see a tracker with your clean days. There's something wonderful about that tracker with the arms raised in celebration. On my profile page I've got a picture that coincidentally is a copy of the image. It brightens my day to see those arms up in the air....... the tracker is another way to cement your commitment and accountability......
Thanks for you comments and concern. A blood test for liver function sounds like a good idea. Just asking for it is going to cause the dr to ask me "why do feel you need that?" I guess I'll just tell him. I've been busy last week and this past wkd, which is good. Thursday and Fridays are my toughest days, and I made it through them.
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