Step Nine

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injur them or others."
      Taken from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions  pg 83

The first paragraph in the chapter starts out as follows:

    "Good judgement, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence- these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine."

Whenever I read that I laugh because it lists qualities I'm not sure many of us have all at once.  Especially me.  It is important for me to get input from someone else as to how to go about making my amends.  My will wants me to go out admit to things that may "feel" like the right thing to do but may actually cause more harm in the long run.  I need to be very careful not to make my amends at the expense of others.  When I first got sober I made some amends and got lucky.  I didn't talk it over with anybody I just went ahead and did it.  One of the people was actually hurt at first but we were able to work through and we are on good terms today.  If I had talked to someone about I may have been able to put things differently and still made the amends.  Another one came up not to long ago.  It was kind of a surprise.  I wasn't expecting it to happen.  My sister had brought something up and I knew right on the spot that this was the time to make an amends.  I owned up to my stuff, she owned up to hers and we forgave each other.  Turns out years of resenting one another was based on a misunderstanding.  I once even apologized to someone who didn't think I did anything wrong.  We laughed and then he thanked me anyway.

The thing I've been taught to keep in mind is to stick to my side of the street.  It is also important to not argue or retaliate with what others have to say during our amends.  Sometimes by listening to what others believe our wrongs are we learn the most.  Be careful though, some folks may try and get us to do things that aren't really necessary.  Another reason why it is important to discuss thing over with a sponsor or someone we trust.  Be willing to look at each situation for what it is and come to understand what the best course of action is for each one.  God Bless!!