Still feeling terrible

[narla]

Well I got about 4 hrs sleep last night,better than nothing,woke up with a headache and feeling worse than ever,I don't know whether It's the depression or having to open up my whole life to a counsellor or that I'm just craving alcohol and codeine again It seems it would be easier to grab the bottle or take a pill,I know I can't that would be starting back at square one again.I feel like my chest and stomach are churning.Has anyone else felt so bad when you think your on the right track,this is day 49 clean.

[rod44]

I found counselling very hard as it churned stuff up that was buried deep, in the end I had to go through it to get well, looking back it was well worth the pain because today I have peace of mind. I thought drink would help me, it only made things much much worse. Stick with it, another hour sober, now get over the next hour….

[narla]

So it goes day by day, to hour by hour,is minute by minute next.Hey thanks for replying to my posts.

                                          Denise

[rod44]

Yep minute by minute but it is important to understand that things will get better, this too shall pass as the saying goes and from my experience it dose pass.

[sograteful828]

hi narla, gosh i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. hang in there, like Rod said, minute by minute....i went through opiate w/d 3 years ago, from morphine (IV) and vicodin, etc..and it was the worst thing i ever went through, now i quit alcohol and i can understand how hard it must be to quit codeine and alcohol together. you have 2 different cravings and w/d's, i feel for you.  try to boost up your physical strength if you can with some electrolytes, gatorade, and anything good, fruits, veggies, stay away from those that would give you diarrea (diarrhea) if you have that symptom. my dr told me about the electrolytes and i was pregnant going through w/d, so i know its safe. also, amino acids, vitamins will help the physical
as far as the mental side, get yourself some support...thats the only way i survive one day at a time. that down time will creep into your head...i am sorry i wasnt here yesterday to maybe just talk while you were in need, but i hope you are feeling better today, and again This Too Shall Pass...it will get better

[rod44]

just want you to know you are in my thoughts. How are you feeling now?

Ray

[narla]

Thanks for your input yes it is hard but I do feel a lot better at the moment.I don't know whether you've read my other posts earlier but I'll explain why the counselling is so hard.I was sexually abused by my brother at the ages of 7 to 10yrs,he is 10 yrs older than me and that's why every counselling session at the moment is an ordeal.But I'm hope it will get easier eventually.
    Thank you Denise

[narla]

Hi Ray
         Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts,I do feel a lot better now,not 100% but ready to keep fighting.

                                  Thanks for your concern Denise

[ibizan]

My mom was molested by her father in the 1930's.....and back then so verboten to mention it.When she told her mom she got punished for lying and sent to live with her grandparents which was a blessing ..that sick **** could not hurt her anymore!My mom is 91....she has never really dealt with it and NOW after all these years she is really talking since Mckenzie Phillips came out with her story about her dad.My mom has sufferred with this secret for so many years which has manifested itself in depression anxiety phobias and paranoia.It is wise to tackle this now.....piece by piece.......don't be like my mom and drag it around for years for it has really damaged her.

[PixieNYC]

hang in there, girlfriend. I know how you're feeling, I quite crack7 regular coke and a HEAVY alcohol dependency at the same time (am still struggling). I went through numerous of detoxes, some in a hospital, some totally by myself. It is by far the hardest thing to do in life, physically as well as psychologically. Stay on here and talk to us, it does help, as you say yourself. For feeling ******, I would also recommend what an ealrier poster did, potassium, and a great surce of that is coconut water, they have it in good delis (but I don't know where ur at). otherwise, I hope you're able to sleep, if you can't do tell and I'll talk about that. I find luke warm baths to be soothing, used to lie in the tub for hours inbetween violently throwing up, when doing it by myself.

Denise, I belive in you! You are brave and you can do this! I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. Love./ Pixie

[rod44]

I am happy to here that this crises has almost past and you got true it without your crutch, good on you….

Ray  

[narla]

Thank you for sharing your mothers story,It makes me more determined to stop the pain,emotions,and feelings now I won't give up this time.I already suffer with depression,panic attacks and paranoia.I'm trying some meditation to help actually done by a scientist,called It's mindfulness meditation.
      
                  Thank you Denise

[narla]

Thank you for replying to my post,I do have trouble sleeping but I'm about to start some meditation techniques so hopefully it will help.I'll keep posting and let you know how it goes.

                   thank you Denise

[PixieNYC]

please do, D! I am still not really sleping, but luckily I never got into the Lunesta/Ambien or even densodizepine hell, since I always tell my doctor's about my alcoholism and that I don NOT want anything that is addict forming. I won't give you any "tips" until you ask, if you so, since you may succeed with this meditation! Bless.

[ibizan]

Yoga taught me mindful meditation.....my mind initially fought it....all these samskaras.....negative thoughts repeated that get etched in our heads....like scars they are.....over and over i'd practice better thoughts..and am doing that now as i took a vacation day today....i can get very bent from work.....fed up with some of bosses poop...and know that quiet time being with my animals and avoiding negative ppl is restorative.They and some of my good friends help so much!:)My mother is a tower of strength for all she has gone thru......as a 16 year old girl in 1933 she cleaned houses of the wealthy to earn $$$$ to put self thru nursing school.....pretty gutsy for a woman in that era.....paid for her own wedding...her dress veil and shoes that she still has from 1944!gorgeous dress....$44.95!I was 17 when she opened up to me about what she had gone thru....i know so much that now i have shared with my brother and sister.....and we marvel at her.....i am fortunate indeed to have her as a mom!So you young lady:) must get a jump on this...and break it down in2 manageable pieces..go slow.......the healing must begin and it will never begin if u numb with chemicals.Then someday u can help another who is struggling with what u are......its our service in life to another that matters!

[narla]

I believe things happen for a reason.Maybe what happened to me was to learn how to get to the other side of pain,so yeah then maybe I can help someone else do the hard stuff earlier in their lives and not wait until their a grandparent,i've missed so much.

Thanks for your insight, Denise

[ibizan]

i don't believe that all happens in this life for a reason....evil is dealt to others for no reason other than insanity on the doers part....if there really is a God and I hope there is....at the end when i'm posed to come face to face with him..or her?:)i want to ask why so much bad is in this world......your abuse was senseless......no other reason.....I have read many stories of the rapes of women round the world...specially in Darfur....and the trafficking of women male and female children for sex in Thailand and India and all other places sickens me beyond comprehension...i listen to the stories of the survivors and i marvel at their courage.....their determination to live and have a better life.....this 2 can b u!

[narla]

Life's so confusing you hear one thing then you hear something else.I think the reason I say things happen for a reason is I don't want to of gone through everything I have, and believe me theres a lot more than what I've written on here, and it to be for nothing.Maybe It's like believing in Santa and fairies it makes you feel better.

       Hugs Denise

[ibizan]

Life is a paradox.....and so much that happens to ppl is unexplainable and sad....and sometimes for the better but one thing the human spirit can be indomitable...and endure.....it is shown that our personality makeups determine how we handle adversity in life...i believe that to be true...what crushes one may not crush another..but i do believe in the strength of the human spirit to pick self up deeply inhale and move forward.I make up my own prayers.....God help me be the person my animals think I am:) and God give me the strength and will of my mother who has endured much hardship in this life.....and still presses forward!Going to go see her today and I look 4ward to it!