Stressed

Feeling stressed at the moment,lack of sleep and worried about my daughter.Sometimes I think it would be easier to have a drink than deal with life,Right now I feel as if I'm in a continual fight in my own mind,trying to do the right thing but my brain telling me I need something to relax.Why is life so hard,
I know the reality of what would happen if I had 1 drink,but my mind is trying to convince me if I only drink when stressed it will be ok.

The war in my head rages on.

[zdsd44]

Hi Narla!  I’m only beginning to realize that this will be a life long struggle.  Don’t touch that first drink! I remember you writing a response to someone in the past and you were told by your doctor that your liver has had damage and in the future it will not process alcohol the same.  Whatever your daughter is going through remember that she needs you around to help her out!

I am currently in the process of quitting right now.  Maybe I’m in this dark abyss right now for a reason – maybe to remind you that it’s a disgusting and painful process!  I have taken the advice to slowly get myself off by drinking a ½ glass of wine a night to lower the withdrawal symptoms.  Thankfully the most I have experienced is a little night sweats, lack of sleep and some terrible nightmares.  I have been experiencing different things in my health that I’m not sure of what they are yet.  I’m scared to find out.  Actually today I promised to set an appointment with my doctor as I haven’t been in for a while and I need to have that dreadful discussion with her.  I have to find that moment to just make the call and set the appointment and then go ahead and deal with this.    

I seriously feel your pain Narla!  You always seem so upbeat in your postings and generally happy.  I actually envy your sobriety!  Don’t make the mistake by going back to where I am today.  Maybe you could speak to your doctor about this.  Maybe just get yourself outside for a walk, try deep breathing or something that usually calms you down.  Two days ago I had another blow that would normally send me running for the booze and I actually didn’t that time.  I got out of the house and took my dogs for a walk and for that one time regained my sanity.  Keep posting and keep strong-best of luck to you!

-Melissa

[zdsd44]

Hi Narla!  I’m only beginning to realize that this will be a life long struggle.  Don’t touch that first drink! I remember you writing a response to someone in the past and you were told by your doctor that your liver has had damage and in the future it will not process alcohol the same.  Whatever your daughter is going through remember that she needs you around to help her out!

I am currently in the process of quitting right now.  Maybe I’m in this dark abyss right now for a reason – maybe to remind you that it’s a disgusting and painful process!  I have taken the advice to slowly get myself off by drinking a ½ glass of wine a night to lower the withdrawal symptoms.  Thankfully the most I have experienced is a little night sweats, lack of sleep and some terrible nightmares.  I have been experiencing different things in my health that I’m not sure of what they are yet.  I’m scared to find out.  Actually today I promised to set an appointment with my doctor as I haven’t been in for a while and I need to have that dreadful discussion with her.  I have to find that moment to just make the call and set the appointment and then go ahead and deal with this.    

I seriously feel your pain Narla!  You always seem so upbeat in your postings and generally happy.  I actually envy your sobriety!  Don’t make the mistake by going back to where I am today.  Maybe you could speak to your doctor about this.  Maybe just get yourself outside for a walk, try deep breathing or something that usually calms you down.  Two days ago I had another blow that would normally send me running for the booze and I actually didn’t that time.  I got out of the house and took my dogs for a walk and for that one time regained my sanity.  Keep posting and keep strong-best of luck to you!

-Melissa

[ibizan]

Oh No my dear.......u would regret that drink which would not end at one.....i have always said the short amount of time i would spend chasing a BUZZ would be a drop in the bucket for the LARGE amount of time i would regret and be ashamed for having done so.......for over 400 some days u have battled this.......do not give up!Serenity prayer applies to your situation w/your daughter whatever that may be!

[dominosarah]

I understand your concerns with your daughter. My old hair stylist used to get shots every week for migraines when she was expecting her 2nd baby.  Take some deep breaths when your mind starts to wander to other places.  It is very tireing chasing after a toddler but how great is it you are doing this sober.  Take this time to see the world thru his eyes.  The best gift you can give yourself is to continue in your sobriety.  Read the Serenity Prayer, say it, feel it and live it~~~~~~hugs narla,      sara

[narla]

What is the serenity prayer?

I will continue to fight this struggle,I know drinking isn't the way to deal with problems or stress,maybe I'll see my counsellor again.
My daughter is due in 3 1/2 weeks,I worry about the morphine they had to give her,she found out yesterday the head is engaged but we know that doesn't mean the baby will come any sooner.
The hard part will be when she has had the baby,they will then do a scan to check what's causing them,because I have had a brain haemorrage caused by a burst aneurysm they want to make sure she doesn't have one as they can be genetic,
I know what brain surgery is like and it will be so much harder with a toddler and a new baby.
Fingers crossed everything will be ok.
And yes Sara I am tired he is a gorgeous toddler but very tiring,we are spending a lot of time at the park and I am keeping up with all my gym work at the same time.

zdsd44 thank you for your reply I'm glad you have found me up beat and I will be again,and I think I need to look at some of my replies to others and listen to myself LOL

ibizan I will continue my battle to fight these demons in my head,it just seems that much harder at the moment.

Thank You all for your replies they really do help,it gets you thinking about what you have achieved,I can't go back and I will be strong again.

now I'm rambling,oh well if it helps so be it.  

[dominosarah]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change
The courage to change the things i can
And the wisdom to know the difference~~~~

Narla, you and i will get thru this together.  We are both faced with something we have no control over but we will stay strong and stay in our recovery.     hugs      sara

[narla]

I just left a message on your journal.

Yes we will get through,and when we do we will be even stronger.Sometimes I just wonder how,then I remember how,Guts,determination,friends,family,medhelp and the big one aftercare.

Thanks for the serenity prayer,very appropriate right now.

God Bless you and your family Sara

Denise

[dominosarah]

Hopefully everything will be ok with your daughter and her migraines are just from being pg.  Soon you will be holding that new little boy and your daughter will be calling you saying Mom will i ever sleep again!!

Narla, we are strong and focused, its all going to be good....

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family also~~~sara

[Punkinhead75]

Hi narla.  Sorry to hear you are having a rough time.  I have faith that things will work out ok.  Isn't it amazing though how our heads go right to the thought of drinking when we are at a weak spot.  They say cunning baffling and powerful.  Keep in mind you are not alone.  We are here to help and don't forget people that are close to you.  Maybe you could use a babysitter to give yourself a chance to rest.  Anyway,  one of the things that tends to jump out at me is when folks say they will fight, or keep up the good fight.  I understand what is meant when that is said however I choose another way.  I like to let go.  Turn things over to a Power greater than myself.  This is more of a spiritual thing than a physical thing.  We still have responsibilities to take care of however if our spiritual space is okay it seems to be easier to get these things done.  I find for me that when I "fight" it tends to be driven by "my will" and not the will of a Higher Power.  When I accept what God would have me do today and put to the side the stuff I would rather do  life tends to be a bit easier.  I find that I am not wasting energy.  Please do be careful though.  As alcoholics we sometimes do take on more than we can handle alone.  If you find yourself getting run down and need some rest please do so.  If we don't take care of ourselves it is tough to take care of others.  Take care and God Bless!!!

[ibizan]

I just saw this pearl of wisdom on my greyhound list......Be the kind of woman that upon awaking each morning the devil says Oh crap...she's up!:)

[narla]

That really made me laugh ibizan,

Because they can't do a scan while my daughter is pregnant it looks like they will have to do a caesarian,because if there is an aneurysm the pressure from labour and giving birth could rupture it,she rang me after her appointment today in tears not wanting a     c-section.
I feel like it's all my fault if I hadn't had a brain haemorrage then it would have been treated as just a migraine now they have to think of the worst scenario.Her last birth had to be a vacuum delivery because the baby was posterior and deflex,now this,she's really upset and it breaks my heart.  

[dominosarah]

Come on girl......did you really ask to have a brain hemorrage?  Was that something you could control?  That would be a big huge NO.  I had a c-section with my last baby and thank God that is an option or she and i wouldnt be here.  Yes it is more invasive procedure but they are doing preventitive procedures just in case.  Its better to be safe than sorry.  I know c-sections are scary but for some this is the only way.  Your daughter and baby's safety is what is important right?

You need to get out of your head right now.  Get to your counselor and then head for the gym.  Go back up on this thread and READ the Serenity Prayer~~~~~sara

[narla]

I accept I can not change what is happening
I can change my attitude to what is happening
The difference is
               - not been able to change the situation is reality
               - the courage to change my attitude comes from within and I can do this

Thank you Sara,sometimes you need perspective on a situation,as long as our long awaited for baby and my daughter are both alive and healthy that's all that matters.

[dominosarah]

Amen Narla~~~~~~

[dominosarah]

Did your cat come home?  Take some deep breaths.  When it rains it pours doesnt it?

[narla]

No,it's been 24 hours since we last saw her and she has never been out at night before.
Her sister just keeps miaowing and running to the door she misses her already,we just have to hope she's safe and not hurt somewhere,

[ibizan]

oh jeez lost kitty!i'd be upset too...may Bast the eyptian cat goddess be watching over her...don't chuckle readers....narla needs all  the help she can get!!!!

[dominosarah]

I hope she is safe, i would be a wreck too......

[narla]

My daughter is been booked in for an MRI but we don't know if they can fit her in before the baby arrives,if not then it's a c-section.
Simba the cat that is missing hasn't turned up yet and her sister Narla is going crazy looking for her.We live in hope.

[dominosarah]

I hope your daughter can get in before the baby is born but if she cant then they are doing the right thing by doing a c-section.

I have everything crossed that i can cross that kitty comes home safely.  hugs my friend, sara

[ibizan]

me 2.....lotsa prayers for ur daughter and all in my house have their paws crossed for the prodigal kitty!

[narla]

The prodigal kitty has returned,looking great,no injuries,I'd love to know what she was up to  lol
she was gone for 48 hours,she was starving when she came in and just sat at her food bowl. I think I'll change her name to the wanderer.

Thanks for everyones concern,one problem sorted.

[dominosarah]

Oh YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!  Is she fixed?  She must of been out "catin" around!!  LOL

[narla]

She's fixed,she's very subdued today and a bit skittish,didn't want to go out all day,
I'd love to know where she was.

[dominosarah]

Well wherever she was hopefully she wont do that again.  I am just glad she is home safe and sound.  Is Narla better now?

[narla]

Yeah Narla is fine,back to being top cat again,and lording it over Simba

[rod44]

Glad to here your feline friends are back to normal :)

[ibizan]

happy cat day.....Bastet came thru!:)she's lucky some varmint didn't get her...she got her front claws?

[narla]

Yes it is illegal to declaw cats in Australia,as far as I know

[ibizan]

well that is good for she no doubt defended herself out there!lil stinker!:)

[dominosarah]

Is your stress level going down now?

[narla]

Yeah getting there,still waiting to see if they can get Liana (my daughter)in for an MRI before she has the baby but whatever happens,happens and I'll be there for her clean and sober.  

[ibizan]

for the last few days upon ur awakening in the morn.....the devil has said crap a lot!:)

[dominosarah]

I have a feeling the devil thinks that about a few of us!!  lol

Narla, keep us posted on how she is doing.  I am sure by now she is ready for this baby to get here.  You cant believe the flood of emotions that will come over you when you 1st lay your eyes on this precious bundle now that you are clean and sober.  It was different this time when my granddaughter was born.  She cried, i cried, she layed there and slept, i cried, she would make a noise, i cried, you get the drift!!  Am still sending prayers your way for your daughter~~~~~sara

[ibizan]

he says worse when we awake girl.....it would just get bleeped out here if i typped it!:)

[narla]

She's a trooper she was working part time and only stopped yesterday,because I sort went off at her,oops,
I just thought she was silly still pushing herself with only 2 1/2 weeks left,and with everything else that has happened I told her to grow up and stop trying to be a hero,I'm bad.so when she picked Aden up yesterday afternoon she told me she'd finished up,I was so relieved.
She has a Drs appointment today and a ob gyn appointment on Friday,they should know then if she can get the MRI in time.