To all who are struggling

This really isn't a question but I wan to support every member who is struggling with this addiction or may be falling into relapse.  I am a 32 year old married woman with 2 children.  I am a child of an alcoholic.  I just happened to stumble across this site.  I am not sure why I decided to post but I felt maybe some encouragement for those who may need it.  My mother has drank ever since I can remember.  Growing up all I wanted was a mother but as I grew older I found that it was something she was not capable of.  I grew up very fast and it was if we switched roles and I was the mother and she the child.  I have always tried to help her and show her she has a problem.  Never has she acknowledged it.  When you hide a half full wine glass behind a microwave because you don't want people to know you have been drinking and then forget about it for months an accuse your daughter for it.  Lots of games. Sometimes I felt crazy.   That wasn't as bad as the physical abuse I endured.  Always after she never remembered.  I think my mom is a wonderful person  deep inside but I have never seen that person and never will.   I will say I learned alot of lifes lesson from her as what not to be and how not to act and what type of mother I want to be.  All I can say to all that struggle with this addiction  when it is your time and you make that major choice in your life to stop keep your head up be strong.  I understand that everyday is a struggle and challenge just know how many people are proud.  You may be giving children, wives, husbands, sisters, brothers a family member back that they have missed.    I feel stupid writing this and as soon as I hit the post button I'll probably regret it.......But something in me just wanted wish everyone going through this addiction the best of luck be proud to add each day of being sober.  If you happen to fall practice amkes perfect and don't be discouraged to try being sober again.  GOOD LUCK to ALL.

[ibizan]

wow...ur a heck of a gal and a survivor girl!i LOVE ur statement that u want to be the kind of mother u never had....a good one....thank u for supporting us here..there is good sobriety here and some who r trying to find their way..ur welcome here!Bless You...u put a big smile on my face on Monday!:))))))

[walternowotny]

It took me a long time to accept the fact that being an adult child of alcoholics had a profound effect on my life.I do not believe in practising "victimology" and I was in denial for so long.
My mother was a lifelong alcoholic who died of liver failure 6 months ago.She was sober 15 months before she died but it was too late.When I saw her last time she told me she doesn't remember much from 70's and 80's.That is tough when your mother doesn't remember you growing up.
My father is still alive and still drinking heavily.When I was little he was physically abusive.However what he enjoyed the most was emotional abuse.He never missed an opportunity to tell everybody who was willing to listen how stupid and worthless his son was(usually in my presence).When I applied for medical school he thought it was funny..."that little creten wants to be a doctor".He couldn't believe it because"everybody knew how stupid I was".I guess not everybody...I was not only accepted,finished medical school but became  successfull in my profession.
My father didn't change much.He has this incredible cruelty which is almost sociopathic.When my mother was dying and went into coma he was taking her pictures and e-mailing them to me.Now...I've seen people dying but it is quite different when it is your mother.
During the funeral his biggest concern was who is going to cook for him and iron his shirts.
My parents live in Europe(I live in United States) and I didn't make it to see my mother alive.
When  I reminded my father(who now expect me to financially support him,though he is not poor at all) some of those things he did to me and my mother he said"I don't remember any of it" That was it...he was done with that.The fact that I remember ALL of it means nothing to him...
I miss my mother and think about her daily.What to do with relationship with my father I don't know.
How do you deal with person who doesn't make any attempt to accept responsibility or make amends......?
Walter

[Missa75]

The way I see it my mother will never accept responsibility or make amends....she is just not capable.  I love her.... for she gave me life but most the time I don't like who she is.  The biggest thing in life I have learned is that IT IS WHAT IT IS at some point in time i realized that I can not make her better or change her she has to want it, except it, and acknowledge it herself.  I use to hold a gruge against her and hold onto all this anger but it only ate at me.  I realized that this is my mom and now that I am an adult I have the ability to do more than when I was a child or teenager in terms of escaping.  I guess what I am saying is that I just accept what and who she is cause at this point in her life she will not change.   Like I said before IT IS WHAT IT IS.  Don't get me wrong I always keep a guard up with her because of past experiences but I also know she has this disease that has taken over and I feel sorry for her.  I no longer have to deal with it day in and out so it doesn't impact me as much as before.   As I came into my own I realized I had 2 choices in my life 1. Like i said before I can take all the bad and use them as examples of what not to do and how not to act and shoot for higher goals and use this experience to make me a stronger person or 2. I could go down the same path as my mother and everything I went through could break me.

[ibizan]

u have every right 2 feel the way u do about ur father...not much u can do with someone as sick as he is.i hope u have a loving family..wife...partner children who appreciate the successful survivor u r!i feel like i know u better now.....admire u....u have a lot of strength tween ur 2 ears.....and so do u Missa..keep posting..i've learned a lot from u both 2 day....and know theres more wisdom/strength u have 2 offer!Walter ur father sounds like how my x boyfriend started to act having relapsed on cocaine after 4 yrs.clean.the stupid cruel things that came out of his mouth were stunning in a bad way...we know these words emanate from sickness and self loathing..but they hurt nonetheless.