Aa
Trying to get past the first few days
I'm 31, been drinking since I was probably 13. Started as sneaking swigs from the liquor cabinet to see what it was like, as my older siblings had started by this point. In high school I was with the group that binged every Friday and Saturday, and probably a little midweek drinking. College was college- binging every weekend. It was easy to write it off as what all my friends were doing (and still do). Things changed 5-6 years ago That is when I found myself drinking nearly daily, and more worrying, that I was hiding it. And as you all probably already figured out it progressed from there.
Fast forward to today. I have less than 12 hours of sobriety under my belt, coming off a drunk week- my wife was out of town and I took full advantage. But for the first time in my life I am convinced that I must stop drinking- permanently- forever. Previously I had always had the drinkers remorse where I told myself I need to take a week or a month off, get it under control, and everything would be fine. Not anymore. I cannot control my drinking. Every morning I have to drive past a liquor store 1 mile from my home, and that 2-3 minutes is a constant battle of telling myself not to stop in vs. rationalizing why I'll just get 2 shots, call it quits for the day, and quit drinking the next day.
Thankfully I have not been having strong withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just insomnia and anxiety, so I believe I will be able to cold turkey it the next few days.I have consulted with the AA rep who believed I wasn't at risk if I went cold turkey, although it is going to be unpleasant. Hopefully I am stopping this early enough to prevent lasting damage.
Thanks for listening.
Kenny
Fast forward to today. I have less than 12 hours of sobriety under my belt, coming off a drunk week- my wife was out of town and I took full advantage. But for the first time in my life I am convinced that I must stop drinking- permanently- forever. Previously I had always had the drinkers remorse where I told myself I need to take a week or a month off, get it under control, and everything would be fine. Not anymore. I cannot control my drinking. Every morning I have to drive past a liquor store 1 mile from my home, and that 2-3 minutes is a constant battle of telling myself not to stop in vs. rationalizing why I'll just get 2 shots, call it quits for the day, and quit drinking the next day.
Thankfully I have not been having strong withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just insomnia and anxiety, so I believe I will be able to cold turkey it the next few days.I have consulted with the AA rep who believed I wasn't at risk if I went cold turkey, although it is going to be unpleasant. Hopefully I am stopping this early enough to prevent lasting damage.
Thanks for listening.
Kenny
COMMUNITY LEADER
ur drinking pattern sounds very alcoholic......u r in the right place.....w/us in this forum.....keep going 2 AA and please keep us posted!sober safe holidays for u!:)
Thanks again for all the advice. I think I'm over the WD hump- nausea, anxiety, shakiness have gone, just left with screwed up sleeping pattern. I wanted to explain a little more about my specific drinking pattern and see if anyone has comments/advice on that.
I typically would have 1-2 drinks in the morning (8 AM-ish), followed by another 2 every few of hours stopping around 7 PM. Assuming I process 1 drink per hour, I probably on average wouldn't have more than 2 drinks in me at any one time (I say on average, b/c sometimes I would have another 2 drinks ahead of schedule, but then it would 3-4 hours until my next drink).
Over the past 2 years:
In a typical week, I might have 1 completely sober day (or not), a few days of 4-8 drinks throughout a 12 hour stretch, and one or two days of 12+ drinks that would be consumed in a much shorter period (e.g. going out with my friends).
My benders, which were few and far between, but still very worrying, would consist of 3-7 consecutive days of 8-12 drinks.
Tonight I'll have 72 hrs. Have 3 AA meetings picked out to attend on a weekly basis, who are giving me great support. Plan to go see the Doc after New Years for a physical, bloodwork, and and to give him the run down on my drinking.
Have a Merry Christmas if I don't post back before then
I typically would have 1-2 drinks in the morning (8 AM-ish), followed by another 2 every few of hours stopping around 7 PM. Assuming I process 1 drink per hour, I probably on average wouldn't have more than 2 drinks in me at any one time (I say on average, b/c sometimes I would have another 2 drinks ahead of schedule, but then it would 3-4 hours until my next drink).
Over the past 2 years:
In a typical week, I might have 1 completely sober day (or not), a few days of 4-8 drinks throughout a 12 hour stretch, and one or two days of 12+ drinks that would be consumed in a much shorter period (e.g. going out with my friends).
My benders, which were few and far between, but still very worrying, would consist of 3-7 consecutive days of 8-12 drinks.
Tonight I'll have 72 hrs. Have 3 AA meetings picked out to attend on a weekly basis, who are giving me great support. Plan to go see the Doc after New Years for a physical, bloodwork, and and to give him the run down on my drinking.
Have a Merry Christmas if I don't post back before then
Congratulations on taking the first step. It ***** and it's rough, we all know. Forgive the copy and paste job but this is what I tell all the people who come in looking for help and support their first time. I've also added a few thoughts for you as well. Keep at it!
1. Find a doctor and get yourself checked out physically to see how your body is doing. Share your concerns with the doctor and discuss any possible withdrawl dangers he/she can advise you on. They can also refer you to support groups and or / counseling services in your area that will be free of charge. It's good you intend on coming clean to your doctor but really follow through on that. Getting checked out is crucial to starting your recovery. The elevated monocytes and enlargement are not good signs but they may be completely treatable. The human liver is amazingly resilient. It can take a beating, man. And If too much damage isn't done it can heal itself over time and sometimes it's possible to completely regenerate what function you've lost.
2. AA is probably a good place to start and there are meetings all over the place. A little depression counseling doesn't hurt either. If you're having trouble stopping on your own then you need to start treating the addiction right away and a support group like AA would be a fantastic place to start. I see you've already taken that step as well. Good for you. Keep with it and follow their lead. They're there to help. Find a sponsor and start working the steps. That's important.
3. Open the yellow pages and check out the first few or last few pages. There's usually toll free support line numbers there. Suicide line, depression line, etc... Speaking from personal experience some of the operators on those lines are very capable and can also refer you to support and or counseling groups in your area including AA. I've had some good talks with the operator on the depression lines. If you don't have a phone book then just google "Depression hotline" or "Alcohol support" and your city/state and look at the results. you should be able to find a hotline. It's good to have this in case you can't make it to an AA meeting, can't get in touch with your sponsor, etc.. Once you have a sponsor your'e supposed to stick with them but for the time being this can help, and again, as an emergency backup if you can't get in touch with your sponsor for some reason.
4. From my own experience I've found that adjusting your sleep schedule so that you get a decent, full nights sleep each night is very helpful. Sleep rejuvinates the body and the mind. Life always seems a lot worse if you're exhausted all day. You've experienced some of the nausea and withdrawl that can mess with your sleep schedule. Try staying away from sleeping pills though. Instead, drink some chamomile tea if you have trouble sleeping. And stay in bed! Don't get up and wander around. Don't look for excuses to stay up. Because then your mind will race. I know it's easier said than done but if you have trouble sleeping trying reading a book until you feel sleepy, or find some long, boring show on tv to fall asleep on. Point is: Something to occupy your time. Nighttimes can be the worst, especially if that's a time you used to drink.
5. I've found that a little exercise helps as well. You don't need to get crazy, just do a little bit. Do some stretching in the morning or before you go to bed, Maybe go for a walk in the morning or at night. Bring along your ipod or whatnot and listen to some good music that you enjoy. Classical music, I find, is peaceful and thought provoking. I defy anyone to be upset while listening to classical music.
6. Reflection is important. Don't try to forget your drinking days. Hell, the drinking did plenty of forgetting for you already! But DO Remember a time when you drank too much even for you. Remember the bad feelings, bad things that happened, and most importantly remember how awful you felt when you woke up the next day (probably late) and how the whole day was ruined, you felt bad, maybe you thew up, and you just wanted to feel "normal" again. Try to capture that feeling in your mind and think about it. Then think about how much nicer it is to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning, having had a good nights sleep, no hangover, no embarassing memories from the night before. Make that a goal to strive for each day. And each day when you wake up take a moment to realize how much better and nicer it is to wake up that way.
7. Don't be afraid to let people in. Friends, family, boyfriend, etc.. if they care about you then trust me they WANT to be there to help you through this.Don't feel you have to be alone if you have loved ones that are more than willing to go it with you. You don't have to shut people out. Your health, your recovery, is key. Not saying you have to tell everyone you meet what's going on but certainly your wife and immediate family should be involved. Don't shut them out. Trust me, they want to be there to help you.
We can't diagnose you or give you medical advice on here, we can only share our own experiences and thoughts based on what we've gone through. But it's a resource you should certainly utilize! Feel free to come on here as often as you want to ask questions, share thoughts /feelings, ask for help, etc. Remember, we've all been there before!
Good luck, man!
1. Find a doctor and get yourself checked out physically to see how your body is doing. Share your concerns with the doctor and discuss any possible withdrawl dangers he/she can advise you on. They can also refer you to support groups and or / counseling services in your area that will be free of charge. It's good you intend on coming clean to your doctor but really follow through on that. Getting checked out is crucial to starting your recovery. The elevated monocytes and enlargement are not good signs but they may be completely treatable. The human liver is amazingly resilient. It can take a beating, man. And If too much damage isn't done it can heal itself over time and sometimes it's possible to completely regenerate what function you've lost.
2. AA is probably a good place to start and there are meetings all over the place. A little depression counseling doesn't hurt either. If you're having trouble stopping on your own then you need to start treating the addiction right away and a support group like AA would be a fantastic place to start. I see you've already taken that step as well. Good for you. Keep with it and follow their lead. They're there to help. Find a sponsor and start working the steps. That's important.
3. Open the yellow pages and check out the first few or last few pages. There's usually toll free support line numbers there. Suicide line, depression line, etc... Speaking from personal experience some of the operators on those lines are very capable and can also refer you to support and or counseling groups in your area including AA. I've had some good talks with the operator on the depression lines. If you don't have a phone book then just google "Depression hotline" or "Alcohol support" and your city/state and look at the results. you should be able to find a hotline. It's good to have this in case you can't make it to an AA meeting, can't get in touch with your sponsor, etc.. Once you have a sponsor your'e supposed to stick with them but for the time being this can help, and again, as an emergency backup if you can't get in touch with your sponsor for some reason.
4. From my own experience I've found that adjusting your sleep schedule so that you get a decent, full nights sleep each night is very helpful. Sleep rejuvinates the body and the mind. Life always seems a lot worse if you're exhausted all day. You've experienced some of the nausea and withdrawl that can mess with your sleep schedule. Try staying away from sleeping pills though. Instead, drink some chamomile tea if you have trouble sleeping. And stay in bed! Don't get up and wander around. Don't look for excuses to stay up. Because then your mind will race. I know it's easier said than done but if you have trouble sleeping trying reading a book until you feel sleepy, or find some long, boring show on tv to fall asleep on. Point is: Something to occupy your time. Nighttimes can be the worst, especially if that's a time you used to drink.
5. I've found that a little exercise helps as well. You don't need to get crazy, just do a little bit. Do some stretching in the morning or before you go to bed, Maybe go for a walk in the morning or at night. Bring along your ipod or whatnot and listen to some good music that you enjoy. Classical music, I find, is peaceful and thought provoking. I defy anyone to be upset while listening to classical music.
6. Reflection is important. Don't try to forget your drinking days. Hell, the drinking did plenty of forgetting for you already! But DO Remember a time when you drank too much even for you. Remember the bad feelings, bad things that happened, and most importantly remember how awful you felt when you woke up the next day (probably late) and how the whole day was ruined, you felt bad, maybe you thew up, and you just wanted to feel "normal" again. Try to capture that feeling in your mind and think about it. Then think about how much nicer it is to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning, having had a good nights sleep, no hangover, no embarassing memories from the night before. Make that a goal to strive for each day. And each day when you wake up take a moment to realize how much better and nicer it is to wake up that way.
7. Don't be afraid to let people in. Friends, family, boyfriend, etc.. if they care about you then trust me they WANT to be there to help you through this.Don't feel you have to be alone if you have loved ones that are more than willing to go it with you. You don't have to shut people out. Your health, your recovery, is key. Not saying you have to tell everyone you meet what's going on but certainly your wife and immediate family should be involved. Don't shut them out. Trust me, they want to be there to help you.
We can't diagnose you or give you medical advice on here, we can only share our own experiences and thoughts based on what we've gone through. But it's a resource you should certainly utilize! Feel free to come on here as often as you want to ask questions, share thoughts /feelings, ask for help, etc. Remember, we've all been there before!
Good luck, man!
Thanks for all of the support. I have just started going to AA, and at 7:30 tonight I'll have 24 hours sober. The extreme hangover/moderate withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing have calmed down quite a bit- actually got a few hours sleep last night and ate a full meal. Still very anxious and feel wired, but I think some of that may be due to the lack of sleep I've been experiencing. In the New Year I plan to go to the Dr. and come clean about my drinking and get checked out. I have had regular liver panels for years now due to my colitis, and all were normal except for one last year, which showed elevated monocytes and an slightly enlarged liver. Hopefully I didn't do much lasting damage over this past year and whatever my tests show is healable.
Thanks again
Thanks again
Hey Kenny you sure are on the right track man! I'm 38 and didn't listen to the Doctors that warned me along the way to stop drinking immediately. I felt great and in my mind I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. I now have Cirrhosis and the first time I had to watch my Wife cry because she was so scared of losing me and having to make such a horrible call to my Daughters because of my selfishness. I only found out i had the disease because my wife forced me to go for an anual check up. simple blood tests showed my Doctor what he already knew. My eyes were yellow, I had Cirrhosis and jaundice. Later I went to a specialist and was then diagnosed to be in the begining of the final stage. I knew right away I was to young and all these people that love me really truly need me! Including my mother and my other siblings. That was a tough day but when the next day started 03/23/10 I never took a drink again. I was drinking 23 beers every day from morning to night. $600 a month for Beer and I just stopped. No AA No Drugs. Today I am very fortunate that my recovery has been so amazing. My liver enzymes have all returned to normal. Of course there is no cure and i have to watch my diet and exercise and take 11 different pills through out the day but i thank God for giving me a brand new start. I wish everyone was as fortunate! You can do it Kenny! Dont wait man! I regret having waited every day. Also most people with Cirrhosis don't have symptoms until its too late.
Hi kenny and welcome. Your story sounds a lot like mine. Progression is an amazing thing. I'm glad you have decided that enough is enough and are willing to make some changes. Have been to any AA mtgs? I suggest giving it a try. The mtgs really helped me quite bit. I met people there who are a lot like me and were willing to help me get better. Keep it simple. Left foot right foot repeat as needed!!!
Welcome to the beginning of your new life, it may be rough for a few days but do not let that deter you, it will get better. You CAN overcome the physical withdrawals, you get to AA and you will be amazed by the support you will get there, I know I was.
Stay away from that first drink and you will be OK.
Ibizan has given you good advice.
Ray
Stay away from that first drink and you will be OK.
Ibizan has given you good advice.
Ray
COMMUNITY LEADER
make sure u drink plenty of water pure fruit juices and lean meats fish fruits vegetables....so glad u contacted an AA person.... r u going to meetings?i had my spiritual awakening 11-22-83 at 2:30am after the bar closed.......full of alcohol pot and valium....and KNEW in the pit of my gut the party was over...that i would commit myself to recovery.....i had urges and negative thoughts like we all do but refused to cave in2 them...and w/the help of a good recovering counselor an inpatient stay and the help of AA NA and choosing ppl w/good recovery to guide me here i am today!such a better life!stick w/us here.....lot of good recovery in this forum!
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