My husband buys hard liquor and hides it in the basement and sneaks down there with a glass and drinks until he is incoherent and usually passes out. This is only on the weekends -Friday and Saturday afternoon and evening.
If you confront him, he acts stupid "What are you talking about?" and will never admit to anything (even though you can smell the liquor in his glass). This has gone on for about 7 years. There are months that go by and he stops but then there are months where it is every weekend. Is this something I should really worry about and see that he talks to a professional to sort out this problem? I think it is really a problem that he needs to deal with but I wanted a second opinion.
If it is a problem for you (the fact you are here suggests it is) and you are worried then it is a problem. The fact he is not willing to talk with you about it is also a problem so if you can get him to talk to professional then go for it. He needs to be accessed medically anyway to see if his drinking is causing medical issues.
If he's drinking until he incoherent and passing out and the fact that he's hiding it and sneaking to drink and then denying it. I tend to agree with you it's definitely a problem. Alcoholics will hide booze from family members to cover up how much they're drinking but deep down we know we've got a problem and then we'll deny it when confronted. Cause the drink unfortunately has so much control over us. Also, we often get defensive when confronted over our drinking habits by friends or family members and deny how much we are really drinking to downplay the habit. I know that's what I used to do.
Why do you think he feels the need to hide it? Does he have alot of stress and just needs something to calm him down and have a good nights rest? In 7 years you have never picked up his glass while he was drinking from it? What about pulling out the bottle you know was full in front of him? Does he think it would upset you or is there a history of alcoholism?
There must be more to the story. Most people don't feel the need to hide drinking from their spouse.
I do try to find the bottles in the basement if I can find them I get rid of them. His brother is a true alcoholic. He has lost many jobs, everything he owns, his license, gotten
kicked out of a sober house, etc. I think my husband is hiding it from our kids for that reason even though they are much smarter and know when he is drunk. That is why they
do not like having people over on the weekends, too afraid their dad will embarrass them.
I am willing to go with him for help but I can not get him to admit that there is a problem
so he will get help. I know there is something behind the drinking.
This has been happening for 7 years and it he still actually believes he's fooling you? He should be giving you more respect than that. Perhaps marriage counciling would be more bennifical. You and your husband should be able to communicate with each other better to keep your marriage strong. That would make the whole family stronger too. Ask yourself how important this is to you. Then decide what you want to do. This behavior is not acceptable or fair to anyone in your family. He should not be trying to hide anything from you, atleast be a man about it. Good luck and God bless you.
for as long as he's drinking....marriage counseling will b futile....if he does not take responsibility for his drinking...he will not take responsibility for his behaviors and the dysfunction he causes in the home!
Because he drinks heavy on the weekend doesn't indicate he has an alcohol problem. Maybe perhaps the reason he is drinking is due to the distance he feels in his marriage or simply stress from work. Laststraw61 interpretation of what is drunk might not be what you and I consider Drunk. What makes a person an alcoholic is always such a fine line. Marriage counseling will be a good start. Although if they cant communicate about the drinking then good luck getting him to go to any counseling. He may need to be presented with an ultimatum to get the response she wants. Doing that may get him to talk with her about the drinking without any counseling of any sort. Be careful if this is the path you decide to choose your putting your marriage at risk.
I've always been told by the family and marital counselors who are tops in their field and ethical.....that if a couple is referred 4 marital counseling and one is abusing alcohol/drugs that needs to be addressed first and the person should have at least 6 mos.of no use b4 the marital therapy can begin.I know of several therapists who have billed insurance co's big bucks or charged up front payment for services rendered...and the other half felt like it was a waste...and the alcohol/drug use a mask for the drinker/drug users lack of acceptance for their problem.It is a poor coping method as we well know!
Until your husband is ready to "come out of the basement" with this there is really nothing you can do for him. YOU can do something for you tho. Look into Alanon. There you will find others who are and have dealt with what you are going thru. You cant change him but you can change how you react to the situation. I would have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him how you feel. Keep the anger and attacks out of it. He may get very defensive about his drinking and if that happens then stop the conversation. It will lead nowhere. Educate yourself on alcoholism/addiction. Get yourself healthy and you will be able to better take care of you and your kids. The family gets the brunt end of our addiction. sara
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