drinks & ruining his marriage

[misskitty360]

please help me -my husband drinks and is ruining our marriage. he sneaks it and denies he is drinking but i can smell it. he denies he is an alcoholic-says he isnt giving up his booze. according to my marriage certificate, god does not approve of divorce but every time he drinks, he gets more aggresive with us. he keeps me up all hours of the early morning screaming and blaming me for things and says mean things to me and the kid's. please help me. i love him, not his drinking.

[ibizan]

wow 24 years of that...thank God u left and reclaimed ur sanity developing some serenity and aren't watching the drunkeness and xperiencing the meaness anymore.I LOVE the Serenity Prayer..love it love it...start my mornings out with it!

[dee2005]

I know it's been awhile since you've been here, but I need to tell you a bit about me.  I tried everything I could to hold our marriage together thru his drinking & loss of a job.  He always told me was slowing down drinking & That that wasn't why they let him go.  After the loss of another job & the increase in his irresponsibility & irratability, I could no longer deny his problem to myself.  For a long time I had thought that he was only hurting himself, but he was starting to hurt the kids by his actions & words.  He would not leave until I forced him out  by filing for divorce & following thru with  it.  I had  HIS brother behind me.  Up to the day that the court said he must leave he denied that he was the problem, that I had turned the kids & his relatives against him.  Now he has little to do with anyone.  Just sits & drinks til he passes out.  The kids & I are much better off.  It's much more peaceful in my house now--even with 3 teenagers.  I should have done it sooner.  We were married 24 years, but the last 5 shouldn't have been.  It took me a long time to see the inevitable.  If he refused to change I had to.  As the Serenity prayer says--courage to change & God gave me the strength & wisdom to follow thru.

[ibizan]

yes thank god for this forum..u have support here and like the Serenity prayer sez.....accept the things..i add people..i cannot change...and change for urself what u must and can!:)))

[misskitty360]

I will keep u  posted. Thank-god for these forum's-we have someone to talk to that can relate in someway...

[ibizan]

yeegads girl,with the bi-polar and depression and staying sober ur hanging in there good with this BS...but yes u must leave for u may risk a relapse if u don't!We can't make our loved ones stop drinking..if we could the forum wouldn't exist and what a better world this could be!!!!good luck..keep us posted!

[misskitty360]

yes, it is very difficult. i battle bi-polar and depression and he has seen what this plus his drinking can do to me,but again, i guess it isnt enouph for him to quit.  I know its more than one beer to smell bad. i have told him but he doesnt think he smell's bad. thank-you for your help, guess i answered my own question. i have to go befor its too late. thank's

[misskitty360]

we have been togeather for just 12 years.I have said we r leaving and it only aggitates him so the next time he drinks, he again gets in my face and does his usual.I do keep a diary and put it where he can see it(hes nosey) so i know he reads it and it does bother him buti guess not enouph to quit. i guess my marriage is over. thanks forthe advise

[working dog]

wow..how long have you been togeather??maybe you gotta do the "stop drinking or were leaving!! "  or    get out or we're getting out    i think he may not really believe you so you may have to make a plan and do it....then he'll have to quit or you and the kids will be gone for good and won't come back... i would get a recorder so at sometime you could play it for him to show him what your talking about..also i would start a diary ...write down every day whats going on..good luck..billy

[ibizan]

wow u sober 12 years and putting up with this?that must be very difficult.He has bad odor cuz alcohol raises the body temperature the pores open up and the smell comes out!he is having MORE than one beer to smell bad!

[misskitty360]

he has been doing this for almost 2 years now. when we first got married,after 3 months he asked for a divorce because i kept on him about his drinking. so he sobered up for 10 years ,then started again. Do u think the bad smell is due to cirrhosis? he can have 1 beer and his body odor is really bad. i dont know what else to do. he wont go to AA-says he doesnt have a problem... i have been sober for 12 years.

[ibizan]

how long this been going on with him?u can ask a alcoholic to get help and express concern about the drinking but No guarantee they'll follow thru..most time they don't.Like AA says they get sick and tired of being sick and tired maybe i've seen some people drink themselves out of marriages,jobs,family and sometimes in2 cirrhosis and death......if he refuses to honestly address this u need to go for help urself and check out Al-Anon.

[ibizan]

how long this been going on with him?u can ask a alcoholic to get help and express concern about the drinking but No guarantee they'll follow thru..most time they don't.Like AA says they get sick and tired of being sick and tired maybe i've seen some people drink themselves out of marriages,jobs,family and sometimes in2 cirrhosis and death......if he refuses to honestly address this u need to go for help urself and check out Al-Anon.