help me

[beanie34]

i had a alcohol induce arguement with my girlfriend and threw her in the snow and kicked snow on her. then broke her car mirror. we no longer go out together. i have been sober for 10 weeks and go to 3-4 AA meetings a week, will she come back to me?

[minn66]

Hi beanie,

I am so sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am still going through some tough times. I am going to take a leave of absence from work and try to focus on my Physical Therapy and other treatment. Like my daughter said, I won't be good to anyone if I'm dead. Kind of dark, but true. Trying to juggle work, doctor visits, physical therapy, trigger point injections, etc., is just proving to be too much. I really hate it because I am a tough it out kind of person.

I hope everything is going well for you. Take care of yourself. Easier said than done, but if you don't take care of you, no one else will.

Sending good vibes your way,

Minn

[beanie34]

Just make sure your taking care of yourself. Things will be better with time as we all know but the struggle that goes with it is hard. Stay strong! Your in my thoughts...

[minn66]

Hi beanie,

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Been going through some really bad stuff at work. I am going to get some help through EAP. I do hope all is well with you. I guess I am just having a pity party. Not good and productive I know. I wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about you. I am thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

Take care and God bless,

Minn

[beanie34]

Its unfortunate that your boss is such an *******. If FMLA is approved there is nothing he can do about it so don't feel hesitant to use it because of him. Good luck with that. Hope everything else is good with you. Sad day for me and I really don't know why. Been seeing someone for about a week now, taking it slow, very slow. Sweet girl I've known for most of my life. I'm finding I'm not over the previous gf and I really have mixed feelings about everything. Still not drinking and don't want to. I will be celebrating 90 days of sobriety on St Patricks day, just a little bit of irony with that. Thank God for that....Thanks for listening my friends, your all a gigantic help...            

[minn66]

I am definitely going to get that book. I am going through some tough times right now myself. I am trying to work and go to PT two to three times a week because I don't want to take pills and my boss is giving me such a hard time. I filed for intermittent fmla and apparently that really made him mad so, based on the fact that I sit in my car during breaks, he said I was acting suspicious and I had to take a drug test. I passed that, of course, so now he is being very demanding and monitoring everything I do. I have been trying to work and not have too much time off but it is really getting to me. I am trying so hard to be strong and consider the source as my mama used to say, but it is so hard. Let's don't let these bastards get us down!

Thanks for reading my rant, beanie and everyone.

I hope you all have a great rest of the day,

Minn :)

[beanie34]

Finally, what I'm starting to see now that my eyes are open is that the problems with her were there for a long time. The booze disguised them, hid them, made them worse. God, we were both so unhealthy mentally. Its unfortunate that this is that way things happened but its fortunate that it happened. I'm going to continue my journey  to sobriety and serenity and become the person I really am, and enjoy life. I wish her the best and I now know that we can never be anything more than friends. Thanks everyone, the support here is amazing..

[Kresaera]

The book is an awesome read! I'm going to ask ibizan's friend if I can borrow it after the group is finished with it. I've found great solace in reading about addiction and recovery. It brings back my desire to be a psychologist. Anyway, enough about me.

I'm sorry that you're feeling rough also. There are many days that you wouldn't mind if they passed on without you in them. I'm also glad you've got a sponsor, a great support group and all of us here to help you through this. As the ex girlfriend of an alcoholic, I can understand where your gf is coming from. My sons father is an alcoholic (he won't admit it) and I spent many nights scared for myself and my son. That was before I had an addiction problem myself so I didn't understand at all. I wondered why he didn't just stop and gave home chance after chance. You, unlike him, have taken that step to sobriety and she will see that. It may take a while, you may not be a couple ever again, but you may just end up friends.

Take care and congrats on 12 weeks.

[ibizan]

I found myself in the book.....i laughed at myself back then and also today...and my group members love it!We have been taking a chapter a week...all 2-3 wonderful short simple pages and having a discussion on it!U will find comfort....and hope in Georgia's book!and 2 my friend Sarah-this book is a MUST have...... and an easy read!:)

[beanie34]

Thanks ibizan. I am going to get the book this weekend. I appreciate the recommendation.

[beanie34]

Thanks ibizan. I am going to get the book this weekend. I appreciate the recommendation.

[beanie34]

I hop everything is good with you, i appreciate  that you take time and respond to me. You've neen a big help. Have a great weekend!!

[beanie34]

Thanks Minn

[dominosarah]

I am going to check that book out.  You can never get enough knowledge with recovery~~

[ibizan]

A friend of mine turned me on2 this great book...u can get it on Amazon.com for 12.95..."Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down-50 things every person in Early Recovery Should Know" by Georgia W.it is the best book!short chapters,no big words or psychobabble, u will read this and go yes !thats me! i do that did that i feel that!She really hits home the emotional rollercoaster of early recovery and how we can weather it!I use it in my adult recovery group and they LOVE it!

[minn66]

Oh beanie, I am so sorry you're having a rough time. I am glad that as tempting as it may be, you aren't reaching for the bottle. As difficult as this is, I think it is good that you concentrate on getting yourself back. A relationship, whether with her or someone you have yet to meet will come when the time is right. Yes, easy to say, I realize. People say things and you're right, the question is how! For me, staying busy helps a lot. It keeps my mind off of things. For example, I have discovered Android programming. I work in IT for a living but don't get to do development, which I really enjoyed. Android programming gives me a challenge and who knows, lol, maybe I will write the next great app ;) Even if I don't, it's just fun. Rediscover yourself and find something you enjoy. Also, I don't know if you work out but I do and it makes me feel better.

Hang in there, beanie. You have come a long way. It may not seem like it, and some days seem to just stink. You are on the right track.

Take care and I hope you have a great weekend,

Minn :)

[beanie34]

Hi, bad day. 12 weeks sober this Sunday, thats going strong feel good about that. Have not heard from  my ex in 5 days, miss her. I think she has written me off totally and its hard to accept because I know she still loves me...I know I need to move on but its just so dam hard. I believe she has set her boundries with me and those boundries are no communication what so ever, just so hard to take. But I am respecting her wishes and I am not trying to contact her in any way. I'm sure she's trying to heal as well and is doing this with detachment love. I know she love me, she told me Saturday. I think I ran out of chances and I'm very sad about it. If there was ever a time for me to start drinking again it would be now but I have no desire to because I don't want the deamons of the drink back I want to feel good be a good person. I feel so many thins now that I have not felt for years and I know there will be more of that as long as I continue on being sober. I hope she see's that one day because no matter what people say about alcoholics we can be good productive partners who love and care for other people..

[shell921]

Hi beanie--you are welcome. wow 11 weeks that is great. keep up the good work. i'm so glad you have some good friends and you know there are good people here who can help you. keep us posted.
my best to you
shell

[beanie34]

Thanks, your words make me feel better. I am my own worse enemy right now. I honestly thought once I quit the drink everything would fall into place so easily....wrong. I am beating myself up for my past actions and its a real tough period of my life. I never expected the feelings and  emotions I'm dealing with right now, its a terrible roller coaster ride. Everyone tells me to take care of myself and feel better but I'm not exactly sure how to do that. I live with the guilt of knowing what I did and I know I need to move on from that but it has been very difficult to do. The only blessing is that I have not gone back to the drink to solve the way I'm feeling, this is what I would have done in the past. I'm going to work my steps and pray more and with Gods help I will get through this and become a better man...Thanks minn!

Beanie

[minn66]

Hi beanie,

Oh yes, often the scariest person to face is ourself. Those internal demons don't want to be exposed because once they are, they have no power. I have learned a lot of things I don't particularly like about me but as they say, knowing is half the battle. Another thing, do try to be kind to yourself. Often we treat ourselves worse than we would ever accept from someone else.

11 weeks is great! I can tell you are determined to follow the program and heal. It takes time and I'm not exactly a patient person. Initially I expected fast change and thought that things would automatically get better. Not saying they don't, because they definitely do. Just not as quickly as we would like. We are human and will still have some days that are better than others. We will have awesome days when the sky is the limit, then have a why did I get out of bed day. In time, the better days will far outnumber the worse ones.

Stay on course. You are on the right track and before you realize it, you will be celebrating a year.

I hope you have a great day!

Minn :)

[beanie34]

Thanks. Even when you have support there are rough days(today). Today is 11 weeks sober for me. Very happy about it but still trying to balance the emotional part of my life, its nothing like I've faced before. Met with my sponser today and am now staring the forth step, this is wear I search for all my personal deamons  in my life. Its going to be tough but must be done to get where I want to be...Sober and at peace.

[beanie34]

Thanks. Even when you have support there are rough days(today). Today is 11 weeks sober for me. Very happy about it but still trying to balance the emotional part of my life, its nothing like I've faced before. Met with my sponser today and am now staring the forth step, this is wear I search for all my personal deamons  in my life. Its going to be tough but must be done to get where I want to be...Sober and at peace.

[minn66]

Beanie, I am glad you have a support system in place. It seems like you are growing and progressing each day. I also think you made a major step by letting your ex go. I know it hurts, yet you are focusing on healing right now instead of trying to resuscitate the past. When the time is right, you will be ready for a relationship and have the foundation to make it strong. I am very proud of you and look forward to seeing your posts and progress. You are doing great!

Blessings and peace to you,

Minn :)

[beanie34]

Just want to add that I have a support group of 3 wonderful people I can contact anytime I need them when I'm not feeling right, be it the addiction or my emotional issues. Without these people I would not be where I am today and hopefully be in the future....I love them!!

[beanie34]

Thank you