he's gone

[tschock]

My dad finally passed away...
He always said that he would drink until the day he died...and he did.
It was a slow, horrible, painful death...

My hubby, an alcoholic himself, watched my dad die...and what did he do? Ran off to get more beer!
He saw what that stuff did to my dad...I told him that the same thing would happen to him some day...that he would die a lonely old man...just him and his precious beer.

He saw the effect of my dad's death on us...yet he fails to really see it.
I told him while still at the hospital that he was no longer to bring beer into our home. He was good about it for the first week while he watched me bawl my head off over the loss of my daddy.
Now he's drinking more than he used to.
He applied for life insurance (after I hounded him to do so for his son's sake) and he failed...stage 3 hypertension is setting in. He now drinks while working too.
I don't give him more than another 3 years at most. He was told to quit smoking because his lungs are only working at 30% of thier capacity...but that means he would have to quit drinking too, because they go hand in hand.
We have been arguing more of late, mostly because he's a jerk when he drinks, and I'm not too sure how much more I can take.
I love him so much, and I don't want to see him go the way my dad did...but I know it's too late...he's not going to stop.
I know I can't make him stop. Nothing I can say or do will help.
No amount of praying will help. Seeing his son go without doesn't matter as long as his beer doesn't run out.
I know the way of alcoholics...and it hurts.
I wish there was a magic wand that would stop them (and us) from hurting...but there is no such thing.
The big question is...should I stay or should I go now? I listen to that song every day.
The physical abuse isn't there...yet.
When it starts I'll leave for sure, but should I go before it starts?

*pulls hair out and screams at top of lungs...UGH!!! *

[ibizan]

how long ago did ur dad pass?deepest condolences!Ur life plate is a large dinner platter that is overflowing!!!!glad ur younger bro can help u find a suitable replacement.Heres a way 2 look at it...has the time w/ur husband gone by fast?if u do nothing and let the situation remain as is the next chunk of time will go even faster!what other family support do u have around u?

[tschock]

I'm sorry I took your above comment in the wrong way. I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it. Like I said above, the hormones are flying. lol
The stress of dad passing away when he didn't have to die young, but chose to do so kills me.
I'm going to ask my one younger brother to start looking for someone who is qualified in this field. He seems to know many people.

Thanks again

[ibizan]

my comment wasn't meant to offend!many come on here posting difficult situations ask for advice its given then they counter w/can't do that and can't do that!ur  in a pickle my dear and being PG is a lot on top of all that!there are many skilled unemployed ppl out there who aren't alcoholics who would most likely be happy to be working again in ur line of work/business!It would take some time/effort to find them....but it doesn't sound like ur husband is going to help u w/much of anything which is sad so u need to look out 4 urself ,ur children and ur business/livelihood!Just a thought for a long term goal/planning!

[tschock]

I own the company, but I don't know how to do most of the work. I can't give estimates, or do the framing,plumbing and such...all I can do is the finishing work...mudding, taping, grouting, etc.
When I got divorced I got $10,000 from my ex...he got the rest. I was trying to find something to invest my money in. I met my new guy and after a year or so he suggested starting a company. He was tired of "working for the man" and we both thought that it would be cool. I would own a company and he could make his own hours and set his own prices. He started to teach me how to make wonderful things for other people. It was the best time in my whole life...until I got pregnant a few years back...then it was back to being full time mommy once again.
And now with being pregnant again it makes things that much more difficult. Ever try to hang drywall while pregnant and having a 2 year old running around someone's house destroying thier things? It doesn't work.
Guess I could put an ad in the paper:
" SWF looking for SM. Now hiring!"  lol  
I can't sit on welfare. I won't be able to afford daycare so that I can get a job at Tim Horton's slinging coffee pots...which would only be temporary anyway due to the fact that I can only work until my 7th month when my ob/gyn will put me on complete bed rest...I've had 4 babies...and it's always the same.
I'm 44 this time around...it's going to be worse.
However, because dad died, I was left with a farm...so I could grow my own food...but the house out there is trashed and it would be cheaper to build a new one than to try and repair the old one.
If I go to the farm I only have to worry about diesel ( no natural gas out there) water,(can't use the well water) power, phone, groceries, and land taxes. So it would be relatively cheap to live there...if there was a house. Dad was an alcoholic remember? He didn't take care of things like a leaking roof or mouse holes.
If the snow would ever go away I could set up a tent for a while.
Or I could stay with this guy until he teaches me how to frame and stuff...uh huh.
So ya, I'm kinda stuck here until I can afford to build a new house (small one) or find a rich guy that wants to support my sorry arse!
Sorry...pregnant and emo. Forgive my outbursts, but I feel that I've been "attacked".
Maybe that last comment wasn't supposed to sound rude and discriminating, but that's how I took it...and I tend to get very sarcastic when upset.

[ibizan]

U OWN ur own company but are financially dependent upon him?he is ur only employee?i'm just shaking my head!Guess u r stuck eh?

[rod44]

you are as powerless over the alcoholic as the alcoholic is over his/her drinking. This will have a huge impact on your kids. I agree with ibizan, you need to get out for your and your kids sake.

[tschock]

I've put up with my family full of alcoholics my entire life. I've been with this man for almost 5 years.
I own my own company, but he's my only employee, so yes, I'm financially dependant on him. I have 4 sons, and I just found out ten minutes ago that I'm pregnant with number 5.
My older sons are 23, 19, and 16. The little one is 2. The new one is due in time for Christmas.
Giving him the ultimatum tonight that he best be seeking help before this one is born...or he won't be there for the birth...or it's entire life.

I know from personal experience that I can't force him to change, but I feel that I owe it to myself and the kids to have this talk with him...then at least I can say I tried to help him.
He has told me so many times in the past that he can stop when he wants to...so let's see him quit. He did quit for about 6 months during my last pregnancy...but then we went to his brother's house for New Year's and his brother poured real beer into his fake beer...he was hooked once again.
His brother and sister in law would love nothing better than to see him fail because they feel that there is a million dollar inheritance to be had, and that if my common-law hubby fails they will get it all.
Sick huh? Wanting your own brother to fail...I try to help my brothers...I love them...his brother obviously doesn't love him.

[ibizan]

How long have u lived w/this?r u financially dependent on him?not working?kids?how old?I'd try to find a way to get out and have a LIFE for urself other than this insanity!