need help

[jake615]

my drinking is ruining my life and i need help.  what are best steps to start? i have a meeting with my dr on Wednesday and I'm going to ask her...

[boogieman]

hi. a consultation with your physician is a good start. try to be as honest as possible with them, and keep an open mind to their suggestions. i would also recommend finding an aa meeting in your area between now and then---whether you are sober or not. it's the single most effective resource available. there is a solution if you are ready. please advise if you have other concerns and take care,  gm

[jake615]

thanks for taking the time to write me.  ive contemplated the aa route, but im not sure the setting of standing up in front of others and discussing my story would best fit my personaility.. can it be effective if i partipate without that component?  
im so done with my self destructing ways, but know i cant do this on my own....

[boogieman]

hi. you don't have to stand up, or for that matter, sit and say anything. in fact the best thing to do is listen to others and try to identify with what they say and avoid comparisons. yes, at some meetings they might go around the room and ask you your name or to talk briefly about where you are, but all you have to do is say "hi---i pass" and you will not be judged. don't go by the hollywood depictions of anything---they are usually dead wrong. you're right about not doing this alone, i wasted years of my life trying to do things my way and on my own. i just kept increasing the misery. any effort is good, but you will at some point have to do things that are uncomfortable. giving up the next drink will likely be the hardest, and it may take more than one try, but the point is to keep getting back up and trying. this thing is life and death, which you probably have already found out to some degree, and it will take effort. but in the long run, it pays handsomely. the best years of your life lie ahead if you do this thing to the best of your ability. i'm glad to help you, as are others here, no matter what you decide to do in your journey. keep posting and please ask if you ever have questions. take care,  gm

[ibizan]

as usual boogie right on with the advice and AA suggestions...just go listen....and u will see that u have much in common with others in their thought patterns and feelings around why they drink/drank.

[stutterheart]

AA actually made me want to start drinking again but it certainly works wonders for so many people, including my parents. I'm very social and don't mind standing up in front of crowds. But it just wasn't for me. What worked for me was telling some of my close friends that I had a problem (which they knew anyway) and am going to stop. They'll be behind you for about 3 relapses. It was important for me to know I could relapse. And i did just once in the very beginning. After that, you know you can relapse, but if you are really at a point where the pain of continuing on with alcohol is more painful than bearing reality without it, then you decide to keep pushing forward.
Life without alcohol has not been all that fun. Alcohol is a lot of fun. I love to get drunk. But I feel like I'm finally living life now instead of burying my head in the sand (and you don't see this for quite a while after you stop drinking). I'm able to cope some of the time and am learning how to do it more often.
Another tip: write down all the things that quiting drinking will cost you. That's your price for a new start. For me it was 1. being miserable for a month while you obsess over a drink 2. losing friends that were tied to that life style 3. feeling pain for the first time in a long time. 4. not being able to pick up girls as easily
It's not all that good a deal on paper: you're miserable, lonly and in mental anguish from all the things you've let pile up or go wrong and the ONLY thing you get out of it is a fresh start. That's a hell of a tall order and the only way I was going to make it was to call upon past experiences where I was deep deep in the hole and knew it would take me a year to get out. By telling myself that the cost of sobriety was basically to be a miserable slave for a year, that I'd have no enjoyment, companionship and have to actually face and deal with problems, I was able to prepare for and bear the burden. I told all my friends so that the gilt would be too high if I returned to drinking. I wasn't ready to accept those terms for a long time but when I was, sobriety was a difficult but inevitable path.
I truely believe that alcoholism is a disease but that will can overcome it. You CAN walk for 24 hours straight if you wanted to badly enough. You CAN stop drinking or 24 hours if you want to badly enough. I really think that most people don't lay out and accept the COST before they BUY the program of sobriety in whatever form it's pitched to them in. And if you don't like what you bought, you'll return it, right?
Best of luck to you with you problem and with your decision.
-A