once again

[ogtriste]

once again i did it.. i feel so bad, i drank again, its like a big set back, 3 months without drinking and i mest up again... i found a paper that i dont remeber writing and it said:
"As i sit here in my thoughts i play the role of the main character, seing his life crumble in front of his eyes, which once followed the frase "you cant brink a good man down" who now questions his life and what has become of it, or should i say what ever is left of it. In this vision of his he understands why, why his life has broken down, its a disease, a desease only him and the once infected know about, sometimes he feels like yelling out "stop",
but its no use, its irreversavle, its catching up, one thing leads to another, and loneliness is much stronger, he puts himself in the hands of god, and prays, he prays hard for his diseas to go away, he prays hard for his life to get restored, their is no use, he is infected and broken. Remenising times when he should have tried to save himself, now its visible, and he knows what to do, but it is to late, he is infected, he lost his wife, his life, but now he ses why this happened, his desease, this desease caused him to brake down. god is his only reasurance. god is his strength. This one good man is down. all of his visions of life have changed what he knows up until now is useless. he lived a life of lies, and confusness, he turns back to those who helped hom, helped him be were he is now, but no one is their, everyone seemes to have gone their own ways but this broken man prays, he prays for his life, he prays for his family, the family that does not go away, the family that is with him everyday. I tell this good man pray, pray for what you have left, pray, god will hear you, your are not to late, pray, only this will save you now, pray, god knows "you cant keep a good man down" pray

[Tink70]

Do you have an AA family?  Do you attend meetings?  Have a sponsor?  Work any steps?  Your journal entry/poetry sounds so much like a depressive episode of mine during a depressive episode of Bi Polar (which I used to aggrevate with drinking)  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you are Bi Polar!!!!!  That ain't my bag - I'm just wondering if you have a support group - AA -
Hope all goes well

[ogtriste]

Thank you very much for your kind words. it is tuff and i do feel better now. before these 3 months i did a whole year without drinking and it wasnt hard at all. I though i could start being a social drinker again but i prooved my self wrong again and again. i will quit and i will be strong. thank you

[FirefighterJP]

You gotta keep pulling yourself back into sobriety......you've done three months, you can do this, you just have to keep trying.....wanting to stay sober is the beginning.  Hang in there.  JP

[TJack]

Today is a new day.  Get on with your life and if you need help it is out there.  AA, therapist, prayer is number 1 on my list and i do the other two as well, plus i take Campral, a drug that helps with the cravings, but it is no magic bullet.  Still have to have some willpower.  Okay, so you can do this.  You already proved it by going 3 months.
Hang in there and best wishes to you. tj

[jml1986]

Don't beat yourself up, it happened but it does not have to continue. You get up and start over. It is not uncommon to fall off the wagon when you are trying to quit, it is just how you deal with it. You are a strong person so I know you will go on and will achieve your sobriety.