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quitting alcohol/fatigue/no support from spouse
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quitting alcohol/fatigue/no support from spouse

I have decided to no longer drink alcohol a quit after solid  8 years of 4-5 glasses of wine EVERY night. I have tried a couple of times before but with no success for longer term. This time I know I will not fail but there are obstacles I am not sure how to handle. I have experiences the withdrawal, insomnia, anxiety, sweating, it was unpleasant and I was dealing with it on my own in private but that all went away after about 10 days, the only thing that still is there is fatigue so I am trying to just wait it out and eat right (I have been craving sugar and the diet after drinking was not ideal). My biggest problem along with feeling tired and unexcited is my husband and his family. My family lives half a globe away so I can't go for support there. My husband keeps drinking and even though I don't mean to be controlling or be telling anyone how to live their live, I find it at times extremely hard being around him when he drinks which is every night or every other night. It certainly is a temptation that I do not need. Same with his family but I do not want to be a hypocrite and a "party pooper". I really want to be healthy for myself and my young son, not to mention that alcohol was starting to give me serious scares like anxiety attacks, skin problems.. not to mention feeling miserable at work. I feel very alone in this fight. I know I brought it all on myself in the first place and I will come out of this on top but it is hard. Any advice I would so greatly appreciate. Thank you:-)
17 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry Your Husband is not joining You in this endeavor.  I can see how it would be helpful to be together on this but I would remind You - that You "quit" several times with no success for long term.  So - You can't really decide it is time now for You to quit and Him too.  That has to come to Him the same as it came to You.  I think You know that.

I will offer You encouragement and support (as well, others here will too).

If You can go 10 days without drinking, well then, You can go forever!!  Ten days is a long time to be sober after drinking EVERY night for 8 YEARS!!  You will feel tempted, of course.  You cannot quit smoking without ever wanting to smoke again - You cannot diet without ever wanting to splurge again and You cannot quit drinking without ever having the temptation to drink.  Try to remember "one drink is TOO MANY cuz one drink is never enough"

Good Luck to You.  With Your success, Your Husband might decide to follow suit - but, none the less, You need to do this for YourSelf whether He joins or not.
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2126606_tn?1346348724
You should definitely speak to your doctor regarding your symptoms. Alcohol withdrawal can cause other medical issues that usually with the proper medication , it can be easily managed.  Those medications can make the withdrawal safer and easier on you. Don’t wait another minute, there is nothing to be ashamed of, you actually should be very proud of yourself by doing this all on your own. In the end result , you will feel stronger and victorious not to mention healthier.
Stay strong…
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you. I did quit a couple of times but it was him who brought the alcohol home even though I made it clear I wanted to stop. Meaning he keeps bringing my drink of choice as well as his. He is also 12 years older than me and it worries me that he has no desire to join me. But you are right, I have to sort myself out, not the others. I have gone longer, about a month and a half without a drink and on my own do not feel tempted at all, quite the opposite.. Thank you for your support:-)
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Clare, it's really nice to read your words about being proud of myself, it's amazing how I have neglected some things in life because of drinking. Now I wake up being proud of myself, just can't share it with anyone so it's lovely to have found this site:-) I think I am past the bad symptoms, just the fatigue is bothersome.. I do not really have a doctor here in the US, no insurance either at this time so it would be spendy for me to seek that help. But thank you..
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1475202_tn?1388955435
You drank for many years so it is going to take some time for your body to recover. Stay strong for yourself and for your son. You might not be able to discuss sobriety with him but he notices the extra time you make for him and the extra things you and him do together. Now that you are not drinking I imagine you find yourself making time and doing many more things with him that you weren't very likely to do abusing alcohol. That is something you can very be proud about.

Many people find support right here in this group as there are many peple here that have been through or are going through the same thing as you. AA can also be a terrific place to find support. I think it is important your husband atleast respects and supports what you are trying to accomplish. I hope the best for you and I hope you will keep us posted on how things are going. Take care!

Randy
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Randy, you are so right it's unbelievable. I just don't want to be the "funny" party girl, I don't want to fall asleep on a couch every night blacking out, I don't want to feel sick or wake up bruised up not remembering what happened and I want to be full of energy and happy with myself, for me and my son. It's been very private all these years, drinking at home, nobody other than my husband knew how much I drink, never hard liquor but one night 4-5 glasses of wine another 7, I weigh just a little over 100lb so it's a lot and it never bothered my husband, not once he would say I need to cut back or stop. It's like drinking buddies, comfortable in their cocoon but I grew sick of it. Thank you, it means so much to me that there are people like you who care about someone like me you've never met:-). Take care too.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Sweetface7

I too have decided to call it quits, I have been threatening to quit since turning 40 but now at 43years I have had enough.  My husband also drinks - not quite as much as me but not far behind either.  I have admitted to myself, my husband and my children that I have a problem and I told my husband that I would not buy any alcohol whatsoever. I asked him to stop drinking with me and he agreed, we have only stopped for nearly a month but we are getting along much better (no hangovers are a bonus).  I think I would have done this with or without his help and I hope you can succeed even if your husband is still drinking.  Stay positive and remember the future will be a lot happier if you are sober, best of luck xxx
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1475202_tn?1388955435
You are very welcome sweetface! I wanted to check with you and see how you are doing? Are you feeling better and enjoying the time with your son more? How is the temptation going?

Randy


funnomore:
Congradulations to you and your husband! :)
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Funnomore, I am so happy for you and hope you will continue and be happy and healthy:-)). I am determined and even thought at times I would just looooove to numb myself and let loose I know it's just not worth it. I have had one slip up since I quit and it was absolutely horrible how my body reacted so just reassured me to stop messing up, not even once. I do believe though if my husbang didn't enjoy his big bottle of wine that day like he does all the time I wouldn't have let myself. I just makes it that bit more challenging but ultimately I will be ok and the rewarding feeling every morning is fantastic:-) Thank you so much for your words:-)) Best of luck to you too!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Randy:-)) So far so good I guess:-) I've made one mistake and drank red wine one night and paid my price, probably hurt my immune system and have been sick for a couple of weeks with colds but it all felt so wrong, physically and emotionally so maybe that was just the last push I needed. What is your story if you don't mind sharing it?
Take care,
x
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4048462_tn?1349326444
My return to drinking was with a glass of red wine - lol, on Valentine's day - it seemed like an appropriate occasion to allow myself to make an exception.  

My allergies flared up big time, I had a horrible headache, and my stomach was upset - but that only lasted for 12 to 15 hours tops?
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1475202_tn?1388955435
Hello Sweetface :)

You said to me one time "Thank you, it means so much to me that there are people like you who care about someone like me you've never met:-)."

The reason I care about people like you i because I was once lived that same way of life, I know what it was like and where it can go and I want them to see that life can be better. It's not their fault they don't know how much better it can be. I never knew!  So here is my story- the short version.

I was an alcoholic for 20+ years, I had a great job as an Assistant Chief Engineer in television and raised two wonderful daughters. In my spare time I drank and drank, perfectly content with my life even though the drinking consumed all of my spare time. As my daughters got older I missed out on so much valuable time I could have spent with them. We still have a great relationship but I know I could have done much better. For this I have regrets. I choose the drink.

My alcoholism continued to get worse over the years and finally the last couple of years I drank I was up to 23 beers a day give or take. Spending $600 a month, basically if I was awake I was drinking. I still always was what I thought to be a good husband, I was always home not out partying or getting into trouble. I rarely drank because of my problems but because I enjoyed the drink so much although when there were problems I didn't hesitate to use this as an excuse. I guess I always kind of new I couldn't go on like this forever yet I had no desire to quit.

Finally at the age of 38 on March 23, 2010 I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis (child pugh C-10). My wife cried, she was 35 and scared she was going to lose her husband, my daughters ages 16 and 20 cried too. I quickly realized how selfish I had been all these years only caring that I had my drink! How could I ever fix this? Was my life really over being so young? Were the people I love the most in this world going to have to go on with their lives without me? This is the worse feeling I ever felt.

Here I am 2 3/4 years later, I stopped drinking immediately after diagnosis. I have spent every day reading everything I can to find about cirrhosis so that I can better communicate with my doctors and help decide what treatment options are best for me. I also like to share my knowledge about cirrhosis with those who are new to diagnosis and feeling scared. I recently was told by the transplant center my cirrhosis is stable. This means it is no longer progressing! Yay me! As long as I continue to do what I am doing and If I continue to be lucky enough not to develop HCC (liver cancer) then I may never need a transplant. My family watches out for me and I watch out for them. I never knew, I never even had a clue how terrific life through sober eyes can be.

Looking back on it now cirrhosis wasn't such a bad thing, I think of it more as a blessing. I was so content with my life I almost let it pass me by feeling perfectly content with that drink watching movie after movie.  I'll take my cirrhosis and sobriety any day. Make no mistake though, having cirrhosis is not easy, ask anyone dealing with it.

I care about people like you because I want you to learn what I already know before it’s too late and I think you’re going to :)

I always try to make this story short but it never turns out that way. Lol It has come a long ways though, you should have read it in the begining! My poor friends in this group have heard it over and over but they are wonderful! I hope you will keep posting and keep working to achieve a more wonderful and rewarding life! Take care.

Randy
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes, same here.. my body enjoyed it with the first glass or two and then it was down the hill from there, lousy..
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Hi Randy, wow..I think you're a wonderful person. I am so sorry to hear that you're dealing with cirrhosis. It all must have been and I am sure still is a very scary experience. March 23rd is the one day of the year I love the very most, the day my boy was born and maybe it was a blessed day for you too like you said yourself. Sometimes it does take for us to hit such a low to get scared enough to realize things. Although yours is almost unfairly harsh but it's wonderful it seems to be under control. It didn't come to me just like..oh, time to quit, I have wanted to stop before but was never really serious about it, even when I fell through glass or embarrassed myself many times..it was my body telling me in various ways later on, shaking hands, anxiety attack.. I thought if don't try now (I am 36) you never will. I am so early in all this and still do not feel really great at all but the glimpses are there and very rewarding:-)) Plus it means so much to me to find people like you!! Lots and lots of luck to you and your family:-)))
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1475202_tn?1388955435
Thank you Sweetface, that is very kind of you to say :) I know this is unfairly harsh but only to my loved ones. I accept all the blame. I knew I could not go on drinking like this forever. I also know that it had to come to this for me to make the effort to change my life and you are right.. it is very rewarding.

This is my second chance at living life the right way, the best way I know how without screwing it up. Sadly we don’t all get a second chance but the fact that you realized what you need to do then here is yours and you can make it!

I listen to the way you talk and I know you want more from life then the way it has been so you stay strong. All the hard stuff that comes with quitting will go away eventually and you will feel younger and healthier. I feel healthier with cirrhosis than I did drinking. It takes a long time of drinking to get to this point and it can take a long time to get to feeling great again. Eat healthier, drink lots of water and exercise. This will help rid your body of toxins and allow healing to begin. This whole process will go much quicker. Take care Sweeetface, I wish you all the best! Stay in touch :)

Randy
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Avatar_f_tn
I will Randy, I will do all that:-) It's nice to see it written down like that, I will read your message every time I struggle or just need motivation. Sadly the best motivation right now is my husband.. he comes home in the evening all perfect himself and an hour later he is a different person that I do not enjoy being around. That is what a bottle or two of wine do. It sedates him, it's not right. I don't want to be like that. I will get myself in a better place and then I hope he follows, it motivates me even more. I have known for years that drinking was destroying the person inside me, I just couldn't face it. Thank you with all my heart.:-))
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1475202_tn?1388955435
We have many people come to this forum searching for advice about how to get their mom, dad or loved one to quit drinking. Sadly there is nothing that can be done until that person has made up their own mind to stop drinking.. Just like you have. You are a good wife to hope the best for your husband and to continue tolerating his lifestyle. My wife did it for me and when I needed her she has been right here by my side.

I drank for so many years I really didn't know who I was without it. So this made quitting drinking scary since I was concerned how my wife would like the new me or if I would for that matter. Well this was silly and we both like me :)

When you’re ready you need to think about getting into the doctor for a complete physical. Be honest with your doctor about how much you use to drink so that he/she will know what blood labs to run. You should know that symptoms of liver disease (Cirrhosis) do not manifest until a person has reached the final stage. So this is a good idea for you and your husband especially if your husband is to continue drinking. An complete physical annually could save your life.

10 days today! YAY!!! You’re doing great. You got this Sweetface :) Take care my friend.

Randy
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