revia

  i am new to this forum,acually this is the only forum ive EVER visited.Iam a 41 year old drunkered who is seeking med. help.  i did my own research and figured revia (naltrxone) would be a good start is there anyone else out there using meds?

[working dog]

ya know i didn't take anyting..and didn't have anyone..but looking back i would have gotten help and most likely taken something to help..why not? it's just too hard to go  without ...it's great to quit drinking..the only down side i see is the way you look at other people..now when i'm with friends that drink it's alright but most of the time when they drink i have trouble relating to them...thats a little much..but i wouldn't want to go back....i know that this doesn't answer your question but since your new to forums i would stay with them..make some internet friends that don't drink and things will be easier...good luck...billy

[birdja]

thanks so much....ive never thought about what id do around drinkers...mainly family guess i never thought id be a non drinker.thanks for your support

[ibizan]

ach billy...how much r u round the drinking friends?that not good.....i see so many eventually pick up again trying to do that.In 1983 i stopped the drink/drug thing.......i HAD to go to AA/NA....there was a lot there i didn't like but i heard things that made sense and a few ppl who did too and i knew i could not stay sober/clean alone and going round  the old partying buds would eventually lead to me picking up again...and ur so right we sober folk have nothing anymore in common with the drinking folk..u need to find some new friends who don't drink.U r about a year sober?a most vulnerable time indeed!

[ibizan]

Many moons ago in 1983 when i retired from the drink/drug scene it was not kosher to give alcs/addicts presciption meds to ease them thru the transition of early sobriety.I'm glad to see ppl who need help with this getting it and all meds should be monitored by docs.I see good results with Campral.....and a few docs using the naltrexone.

[birdja]

I had a ****** childhood being molested by uncle that lived in house.  took him to court 2 years ago and won my case.  My parents at the time didnt know what was going on?!?!?!?  Since then my mom has been i dont really now how to explain it but suddenly worried about my mental health. 4 days ago i was talking to my youngest sis (the only one of us 4 who wasnt molested) and in a somewhat stupper confessed that i was having a hard time.  She must have talked to mom because shes been calling daily but i wont take her calls.  i know that i cant put her off forever but i dont want to tell her about the medicine im taking and why.  am i right in my mind feeling this way?

[ibizan]

billy will laff u calling him mad dog...don't think he drank that or did ya billy?haha i did back in the day!:))))u don't need to tell anyone about the medicine u take that ur not comfortable telling....if its going to upset them and they won't understand..no need to go there.many who sober up and have a history such as u describe have the memories haunt them and create so much anxiety.....u in counseling with a good therapist to help u with this?

[birdja]

guess ill call billy billy from now on.  thanks for mom advice.  im sure she thinks im just worried about 2nd child whos just returning to school after missing first half of school year he tried acid and suffered psychosis hes almost 17 if was his first and im sure last time.  he was in doc office for a check up when i brought up the revia.  doc who i like very much suggested a counseler i may call him i have been to counseling befor once when my oldest was 2.her husband was just diagnosed with cancer it was sad.  then 3 years ago i started having a really hard time with booze and found woman in the yellow pages her name was joy.  she gave me the name of agreat lawyer.  and taught me how to councel, i never felt comfortable with talking so we talked about her dead first husband gambling problem and so on
im not that great at opening up think thats why i feel comfortable here

[ibizan]

billy will laff when he sees the mad dog....we know a  cool typpo...but he's mad about his beautiful dogs as i am mine!we r here 4 u dear.....and hope good counselor can help u....ever tried AA?or if u not care for AA a good womens recovery group could help!u certainly have been thru the mill and back...ur on my prayer list during my morning meditation!:)

[working dog]

first...you can call me anything you want...and ibizan..your right i did laugh...and i like the many moons ..that was neat.....birdja did you stop drinking all the way ? and do you live with someone who can help? give you support and watch out for your health while going through withdrawals??do you have a job?...a good thing here is you don't have to feel like your a failure in any way...you can be totally honest and that can help a lot..familly is nice but i have to say i didn't talk with my sisters much at all about drinking while i went through withdrawal..i find it very easy to talk with other alcoholics on the internet...i wish i had found this site in the begaing of my withdrawal......at first i thought folks would be pushy trying to get me to beleive in what ever they beleived in..but instead for the most part they were very helpfull and i found a network of folks i could talk with...a tough past is too bad..theres so much that goes on that we never really get over..i think there are many things that we can say lead us to our drinking problems..but really it's us...i think if we had another life where everything was just great we might still have developed a drinking problem..maybe not as bad though..  i started getting worried about mental health durring withdrawal...i was kind of flipping out a lot....the anxiety that drinking causes is really something...and most woman at 40 start to go through a phase that lasts till mid to late 40s..enough about that..some exercise can also be helpfull...good luck ...keep posting....billy

[birdja]

oh iam sorry ididnt get what ibizan was ranting about earlier until i read your post WORKING DOG my mistake but i do kind of like mad better. Acually i suppose i sound a lot more mixed up then i really am.  guess i was more on the edge of being a losing it alcoholic then a true blue one.  i do have a very helpful partner as well as 3 great kids.H and i just got back from our evening walk we do it pretty much every night its an important time for us. H took acid for the first and im pretty sure last time at the end of the summer and endedup with psychosis,he missed the first half of the school year but started back this monday.  have to admit there was quit a few nights we went out when i was getting lite up (as partner would put it) but we went all the same.  ive gave up the bottle for about 3 months last year and then thought it would be ok to have a little wine one night when kids were out,partner was all for it you know it loosens one up anyways things went a long fine for a while then it was a few beers and a bottle of wine......few more beer and before i knew it wine with my coffee in the mornin (no not togeather) last drinking eposode 5 days ago lasted 4 days and ended with vodka.  ive tried to quit on my own plenty of times but always went back. then i read about revia the rest is history hoping i can get my **** togeather hopefully down the road somewhere be able to take a pill and in an hour be able to drink like a so called white man woman you know what i mean its really nice to have someone to chat with thanks

[ibizan]

u want to be able to drink like a white man?oooh no i don't like thats a good idea.....o r else ur joking .....ur past history has shown no OFF switch.....they don't have em at the hardware store...i've looked and looked.....none on the shelves.....:))))))very good u have supportive partner..that helps....AA saying one is too many and a 1000 never enuf!

[ibizan]

"Most women go thru a phase in their 40's that lasts until".....very funny!Do u know why Jeremiah was wandering in the desert for 40 years?Cuz he was a man and too dang proud 2 ask for directions!LOL!

[birdja]

yeah i know your right.  its just really hard thinking about not doing it 4 ever. do you ever acually forget about it?  ifeel like i know i will again something will happen i just would like to be in control. do you really think that will never happen. if i could have one wish in the world that would be it.forget about world peace guess that says it all ah? but its the truth. the revia seems to be helping havent had the urge to buy a bottle just spend a lot of time thinking about it. or more to the point how did i mess things up so bad that i cant. might go skiing today i know that would probably help just dont really feel like it

[ibizan]

look at it this way...for today its my plan 2 not drink....don't look at it as forever...just today..if today is too big...too long then just for this next hour i won't drink!

[birdja]

i understand but i really need to know if YOU after all this time dont still think about it guess i need to know how long it will take for me to feel like a real person dont know if i ever really have do you know what imean? at this point i feel like its played such a big part of my life im not sure what real living is.  you really need to know how important you have become to me i told D today that i was on this forum and he was really proud which felt really good i have nil computer experiance other then paying bills never had the time i guess always to busy working really hard at all the other little daily stuff so i could reward my self with a drink ive missed out on a lot and its nice to have something else to look forward too something different like this thanks hope you dont think im stocking you. i do like to joke makes me feel alittle better  about everything

[ibizan]

oops sorry..missed ur question!the first two years of my sobriety were the most difficult.I missed drinking bad but missed smoking pot even MORE!i did not have a lot of personal support so i attended a lot of AA/NA.I learned to recognize what my relapse triggers were.....going around the old partying buds when they were using and i wasn't..i completely dissociated myself from them.AA has acronym...if ya get HALT..to Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired it s a danger zone.....and i learned to recognize when i was approaching the red zone on this.thruout the years and its usually round summertime on a friday nite i think oh would be nice to kick feet up and  have BIG Beefeater,tangueray tonic and FAT joint.....i think that for 15 mins. and then laugh at myself!In a two year period my dad passed,my mom had to be placed in assisted living for Alzheimers,i had some worrisome medical issues and man i met who i thought was THE one relapsed and turned in2 a large pile of manure.One day i was getting ready to go visit my mom and it POPPED in2 my head oh how nice it would be to get high..now mind u i haven't drank/used since 11-22-83...and this flies in outta nowhere!not that i would ALLOW myself 2 do this...but there was that thought!I think the first couple years of sobriety r the toughest.......crucial points...3 mos....6 mos...9 mos....12 mos.....then it seemed to get easier.I would not allow myself to go to rock concerts for 3 years for i missed pot and the smell of it!then when i felt secure enuf within myself and went.....Carlos Santana and Jeff Beck.....and this drunken dude next to me who was smoking weed and stunk like hell falling over.......the weed smelled bad so did he and i thought man that used to b me!hope this helps some....ask any question of me u want.....i know TODAY after 24 years it sould be sheer insanity to pick up a drink/drug.My dayjob is substance abuse counselor and i watch the wreckage of relapses and ppl who remain in their denial from this die and lose the most important thing to them in life......alcohol and drugs just not worth it!I've worked damn hard in my recovery to stay sober/clean despite the manure balls like throws our way at times..and it is my INTENTION to honor the committment i've made to myself....i feel my dad looks down on me from above and is proud of me today....he was very proud of my sobriety...and i feel him all around me.I had a client say to me awhile back.....we look up 2 u here to guide us...to be here for us for u've been where we've been and u can guide us to be where ur at today!i thought that was cool!:)))))

[birdja]

summer time ive already been there today explained to D.that nothing is for certain(not drinking of couse) he said nothings certain but dyeing.i was just letting him know that this medicine not only helps you to not have the urge to drink but also if you do slip up only allows you to want acouple.  sounds perfect to me we have nice boat and a beautiful lake that we spend a lot of time on it.iam kind of dreaming about it already do you think this will pass in time sure hope so

[ibizan]

tell self u will do ur damndest not to slip up.....each hour......being on the water and enjoying nature sober is breathtaking.I love to watch all the cardinals in my backyard in the spring...singing...the young males changeing color and the fiery red adult males.....woulda NEVER appreciated that with alcohol/drugs in my system!being on water is so calming .....a natural high!any urge can pass if u just set ur mind to pushing it outta there and replacing it with somethin more joyous and it sounds like u hve some outlets!and someone to share it with is even better!

[working dog]

ibizan...thanks for the story..i enjoyed reading it...and birdja...skiing and swimming ..a lake and a mountain..thats nice...in a few weeks it will be 2 years since i stopped my vodka  (lots of nights a third of a fifth) and it will be 1 year since i stopped 1 to 2 beers a day...the 1 to 2 beers a day was my weanning for 1 year period...i had bad withdrawals from both cutting down to 1 to 2 beers a day and finally quitting all of it...soon after i quit the vodka i found out i had hep c...geno 1a..not a real easy kind to treat although i'm lucky after having a biopsy my liver damage isn't too bad yet..so i'm waiting a couple years for better treatments...i'm sure the reason the damage isn't that bad is because i didn't start drinking untill i was 40...and didn't drink real heavy until the last few years...i can't imagine how some folks still have any liver left...one thing for sure ...an impaired liver causes all kinds of problems...problems that i never knew about..problems people blame on other stuff so they can keep drinking ............billy

[ibizan]

oy vey billy hep c!yes good thing u started the drinking later....u keep up on the treatment for it...ur 2 leggeds and those 4 leggeds need u...and we need u here!:)))))and happy no booze anniversaries!

[birdja]

just got home from picking H up from school (he did good this week) makes me feel like if he can get back on track after all hes been through then my journey should be a cake walk.  we stopped down at are little co-op store which 10 years ago didnt sell meat smokes lottery or BOOZE.we live in a valley (slocan valley)about 45 mins from a larger center Nelson B.C. Canada which was primarely a doukbour settlement,and their religion didnt allow such distructive going ons.  anyways this little store for the past 10 years has been my favorite destination,guess i dont have to tell you why....anyways we went in and bought ice cream i have to admit it felt pretty damn good. after starting dinner i came to check to see if youd replied,i was touched when i read your tags(is that what there called right) i let H@D read them.  you guys are wonderful. i mean that wish you all the best youve helped me through a very hard week and i will always be very thankful as im sure the rest of my family will be D.D.H.D. and angel my crazy spca rescued lab rotti cross cat 3 cows 1 lonely chicken.  i know im probably not suppost to give out locations but what are you going to do stock me (or anyone else who might be out there) i dont care id love to see you in person.  well here i go a dry friday nite hasnt happened in a long time.  im looking forward to it thank you

[ibizan]

ah ha!i have another friend in Canada whose posted here....Newdude!and u have two of my best friends......ice cream and ur angel who is no doubt ur angel.......God is dog spelled backwards!I have 2 greyhounds and 3 cats.A fav singer of mine who is Canadian KD Lang lives in Canada and I hear she has retired greys too!I am no stalker.....fav freetime thing is napping of sofa with 12 lb. cat!It would be cool to meet in person...sharing good food and good ice cream an camraderie....i'm glad I.....we...Billy r of help to u....i love sober weekend nites...and any other sober nite..but the weekend is special.U enjoy it.....I will go see my 89 yr.old mom 2 morrow and play bingo with the girls!There is a wonderful dog there in training for therapy dog...his name is Montana.Mother a huskie....pop a rottie-dobe mix.He is a BIG 6 mos.old.....blue eyes looks like shepherd with sable colored huskie fur.Incredibly handsome loving dog to ppl.....and makes my mom happy as well.She is animal lover like me!

[birdja]

just read your post feel like a kid in elementary school making a new friend.  very good feeling. how did you get into addiction work.  was it something  you were always interested in or did you fall into after a hard nite out.  iam a stay at home mom(lucky i think most of the time) sometimes it probably gave me a little too much time on my hands and that wasnt always good ideal hands ideal mind.  probably had too much time to think and for me and my past not a good combination. dont get me wrong when i wasnt having a terrible terrible terrible childhood it was pretty good i have 3 little sis how bout you? so far my dry fri. is going well i think the revia seems to be working really havent felt the urge keep my fingers crossed.  goodluck at bingo tomorrow

[birdja]

just read your post feel like a kid in elementary school making a new friend.  very good feeling. how did you get into addiction work.  was it something  you were always interested in or did you fall into after a hard nite out.  iam a stay at home mom(lucky i think most of the time) sometimes it probably gave me a little too much time on my hands and that wasnt always good ideal hands ideal mind.  probably had too much time to think and for me and my past not a good combination. dont get me wrong when i wasnt having a terrible terrible terrible childhood it was pretty good i have 3 little sis how bout you? so far my dry fri. is going well i think the revia seems to be working really havent felt the urge keep my fingers crossed.  goodluck at bingo tomorrow

[ibizan]

had some decent luck at bingo!i got in2 addictions work cuz i was a failure at social drinking and recreational drug use!Was working in the mental health field....got let go from my job when i went to treatment.....no EAP"'s back then,agency said they'd give me letters of reference if i left quietly and if not use my treatment to prove me incompetent!Lawyer sadi i was the down dog here...time to move on and i did.i'm the youngest of 6.....and my kids have 4 legs.....single and love that!

[birdja]

sorry to hear about your hep. c really ******. guess that was a big reason for you to give up on the booze,at least you did though.  i have a brother in law who has a mystery illness which makes him very sick if he eats certain foods does certain things looks certain directions pees the wrong way on & on.  hes found through a ton of tests that his liver has been compremised,but does he give up the drink.  its very sad. i dont really feel all that bad for him because hes an alcoholic *** (much worse then i) i dont really feel all that sorry for my sis she puts up with way to much of his ****.  i know my partners been throgh a lot with me but i never put 1500.00 on his visa when his dad was away having open heart surgery.  it was only  over 4 days (bought himself a little lovin too we all figure) and then to boot he told my sister that someone stole his card didnt get his friend to cover up enough at the atm and they cought him the only way he got away with not going to prison was by admitting it. anyways i feel sorry for my neice and nephfew.  they deserve a lot better its ****** what kids go through people just think kids are stupid i guess grow into adults with no memories kids remember everything their not walking around pissed... anyways ive been rambling hope you dont mind trying to keep busy its sat nite now got through fri it will be 1 week tomorrow. is it still really hard for you?  thanks again MAD DOG you were the one that convinced me to keep going with the forum.  wow this could almost be a manuscript. have good nite and please look after yourself

[working dog]

i have to say i really didn't like drinking that much..i knew i was going to quit...in fact the alcohol withdrawals are what made me get blood tests and thats when i found out i had hep...my drinking got to the point where i would spend too much time thinking about it..always had to have enough in the house or i would worry about it durring the day...and i knew it was hurting me physicaly...but i never thought it was distroying my brain and muscles...your liver stores glucose..and your brain and muscles need glucose but can't store it...so when your liver is impaired you starve your brain and muscles ..thats not a good thing..and over time can be big problems...i had no idea i was an alcoholic...i hope you can make it through everything alright...it could take 3 to 6 months or more to beat the symptoms..i got light headed a lot and the mental stuff wasn't fun at all...i still think i have some stuff going on..not too bad though...so i would take it easy and stay with the program...and i'd love to see pics of bc..click on my name and you can send your email add. i'll send some nice pics from here for pics of bc...hows that?  see ya...billy

[birdja]

nice to hear from you.thanks for the info. id love some pic. from there. ive only spent maybe 10 min total on the computer other then my banking befor getting on this forum so i have to figure out how to do everything i asked drew if we had pic. and he said there on our othere lap top down at sonny boys (funny how everything ends up at his place.  do you have the same problem you must somewhat if you have 6 six 6 six 6 six kids hope for your wifes sake youve been married more then once (sorry hope its not gettting to personal) anyways this is the second time ive written this little tag lost the last one trying to figureout about clicking on your name is that your name right above here working dog then it takes me to your profile and then do i just type it in under your messages (got to be careful drew says) let me know ok bye.

[working dog]

one wife 7 kids..and she still looks pretty good..we are divorced though..still talk and go fishing sometimes but keep a distance...drinking didn't help but mostly losing money back in the late 80's early 90's...i made it though..no one gave it to me so when i lost it i looked at all the familly being heathy much more then the money...moneys nice to have but health is so important..thats another reason why folks shouldn't drink at least folks that can't control it.....you can have tons of money and still have problems...to send a message just put the arrow on the name and it will bring up send message...then click on send message write the message and then click send......billy

[birdja]

well its been a week wow doesnt seem to bad so far.  have to try not to think about it too much the revia really seems to be blocking it good can acually say i havent had any real urges other then the guilty feelings about my past behavior (which im sure will haunt me for a long time)im feeling pretty good about it all,thanks to the forum for giving me an outlet its really a great thing. i went skiing yesterday it was nice up there but coming home and not stopping for that bottle of wine was tuff i just kept thinking have to get home and check forum even if i havent heard from you or w dog i scan the forum and read old tags some interesting mostly sad stuff out there you sure help a lot of people hope you get overtime pay you really should going into town to visit drews mom she had surgery on her foot so were going in for visit talk later have a good day

[ibizan]

billy has good looking boys and b-utiful daughters....and those handsome dogs......billy kinda look like a weathered kris kristoferson who battled his demons with the alcohol!anyone ever tell ya that billy?we don't get overtime pay....comp time..and that helps for that job is a stressful one...i have folks who wanna get better but many court ordered who don't....sometimes they change their mind..i have a gal i call my poster gal for the progression of this disease work with her on/off for 20 years.....i have watched her lose custody of her kids,the arrests r staggering,wreck cars,lose jobs,break bones,knock upper teeth outta mouth...all over alcohol.A boy i've known since age 3 is now 12.He asked me if he could use my phone to call childrens services to find him a home cuz him mom can't care for him cuz"she is a crack *****"!!!!!quote him!she had 4 years clean and went back to old life.Has ruined her sons lives.So i know how to take good care of me!No one else will and u remember the same!And yes when we sober up the memories of what we've done pop outta nowhere.....they can drive u nuts...but don't let em.....i say the best way to resolve that is to not repeat old behavior!:)It takes time...remember u didn't get this way overnite and we alcs want immediate gratification....our healing takes place over years.

[birdja]

going through that not repeating behaviour right now.  didnt sleep that well woke up and the house was ahuge mess.  could have swore had all my **** done last nite.  anyways it makes me feel crappy when thers caos around me doesnt have to even be that much but i get that a in halt. no one respects all the **** i do for them so i work really hard during the day so that i can reward myself later.  i know this feeling been through it a thousand times the revia may block the urge but not the thoughts expecially the really inbedded ones.not sure what to do .  again reading tags really makes me think i dont want to end up like your poster girl. ill fight maybe try to change it up a little ahahahahahahit all sucks cant believe i got myself to this point   later

[ibizan]

oh no u don't wanna end up like the poster girl...she has major problems with anger and still occasionally drinks....one of these days will get nother DUI and nother assault charge cuz she is a  barfighter!so u stay at home lady doing meals and housework?that is ur job eh?reward urself with ice cream!i have a saying..the small amoung of time u'll spend drinking is a drop in the bucket compared to large amount of time u'll spend feeling bad u drank!

[birdja]

i received your photos, what beautiful dogs you have.  the reptiles those im not sure.  my daughter had a gecko for 2 years then it passed we boght her through the paper so we didnt know for sure how old she was we think 4.  she was a nice girl lola.  your neck of the woods looks a lot like ours right now  its been a big snow winter so far about 4 ft so far its warming a bit now so thats good kind of getting tierd of it.  i will miss skiing though this is really my first year at it drew and i lived in Whistler (sure youve heard of it)befor we moved back because i was having our first child. hard place to raise family.  H couldnt go to school this fall so his job was to teach mom how to ski. he did a great job he acually instructed last year anyways enough about that my dauhters going to help me with some photos later bye

[working dog]

i think i already talked about anxiety....it can get bad and can last a few months after you stop drinking...i would go to sleep about 1030 and every night wake up at 130 with heart rate stuff and worrying  about everything...trying to say to myself over and over that it would be alright but metally it was so tough to get through..deep slow breaths( sometimes into a paper bag) and counting backwards....that helped....so if you go nuts don't worry it can happen durring withdrawal...if everyone knows this that is living with you they should give you some space and help....it might not be too bad though...my anxiety really got going after the first week..looking back i wonder if i had writen a message to myself to read when i woke up before i went to sleep that might have helped...or writing down what i needed to do the next day before i went to sleep and putting the list next to my bed....i don't know...mine was so bad.....good luck...billy  

[birdja]

well made it through another day 8  sure hope i can keep it up...i really dont know if i would have been able to do it without you 2 sure the revia has helped a lot but without having someone out there to really talk too (someones thats been there ...and is winning) i dont know...booze is such a sneaky devil.  i cant believe how it manages to work its way into everything. its really sad ibizan its so true how you said the time you spend drinking is nothin compared to the time you feel bad about it....pretty sure that ones got me down to the co-op for a bottle more then once what a vicious circle thanks again  workin dog are your dogs real working dogs?

[ibizan]

My anxiety was really high during the first year of sobriety.....racing mind,insomnia..i found cutting the caffeine out several hours b4 bedtime,reading self to sleep,began exercise.Then i found yoga and meditation...i can quiet my mind for about a few minutes...at least thats centering..but it helps.I was taking a cardio class for seven months and he really b-gan to up the ante and my knees were in pain.I pay attention to my body so i retired from this...i gave it a good shot...so back to the yoga mat.A good brisk walk will quiet my mind.Fall and spring fav times of year to do this.....the Hindus say we humans have monkey brains!Visualize ur brain as a big tree with many branches.there are loads of monkeys in the branches screeching and jumping from branch to branch.Sound familiar?Me 2! i am constantly giving mental bananas to my monkeys to settle them down!This is a very good book.....Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Jon Kabat-Zinn.Small very readable and made me laugh at myself and my monkey brain!

[birdja]

i posted the day befor yesterday but i see i must have screwed up because its not hr oh well,ill get it yet.  everythings ben going good.  feels like spring has sprung (crossing my fingers)  ive been busy in th barn and doing other outside activities i love the outdoors so this has been good for my soul.  have a doc ap. on mon. i will be sure to tell doc about this forum and how much its helped me anyways im heading out talk soon have a great 1

[ibizan]

glad everything copacetic for now......this life is peaks and valleys just like recovery!still winter here in Ohio and stays cold til mid May but we just take what Ma Nature hands us and deal......like Frank sang thats life!