stop drinking and diarrhea

[sickbelly]

I posted this in another forum on here, but then seen this forum and felt it was more on tack of my question and whats going on with my body.This is gross and I am sorry I am just trying to find out that is going on.
I am a 29 year old female and have drank heavily since I was 12. I stopped drinking cold turkey a little over a week ago, but now I have massive diarrhea, like 20 plus times a day. Its a bright yellow "bubbly" diarrhea, kinda like when you drink a ton of beer and go to restroom the next day. So I was just wondering if this is a normal reaction to alcohol withdraw or if it is some more serious.  

[rod44]

Hi,
This is something that you need to get checked by a doctor, it could be due to withdrawals but that is not the immediate problem, this can lead to dehydration, drink plenty of water and see your doctor, explain that you have stopped drinking after years of heavy drinking, they will give you advice on how to deal with any other issues that may arise from withdrawals.
Ray

[sickbelly]

Thank you for replaying Ray,but I do not have insurance.Do you know if AA is free? I do not think I am dehydrated, I'm just eating like a pig because everytime I eat it comes right back out, so I feel like I am starving all the time.

[rod44]

AA is free...

it may just be a tummy bug but keep drinking plenty of water...

[sickbelly]

Thank you, I think im gonna go to AA. Because I just keep feeling like if this is what I get for trying to stop, then I just need a drink and it will go away. But I am trying and I hope that I am stronger then that. I will keep up on the water though.

[rod44]

Yes AA is a sensible move, I found I could not stop on my own, I got and still get wonderful support there.

[sickbelly]

how long were you drinking & how long have you been sober?

[rod44]

drinking for 20 odd  years sober a day at a time 7 years....i tried to stop many times on my own but it never worked, i might last six months but the end was always the same i went back drinking worse than before

[sickbelly]

Wow congrats! yeah thats how I am trying one day at a time. And your right I have tried to stop before, but when I went back to drinking it was like I could not go have just one beer, or just one bourbon & coke. I had to drink several. Then I would black out every single time I drank.  

[rod44]

Yep…that is what happens to us all. You need to get completely honest with yourself, it is so easy to say “I am an alcoholic” but to get true sobriety you need to dig deep and really understand and believe those words, then you can move forward. That was why I kept slipping, deep down I did not truly believe I had a problem.

[sickbelly]

Sometimes I believe I have a problem and other times I think I dont. I do not know if it is because I am having belly problems or what but I am having alot of other problems, and I just think after a week of not drinking that one wont hurt, but I know it will. I think I am just psyching myself out. maybe im just bullshitting myself, I dont know.

[rod44]

The last thing you need right now is to drink…..

give AA a shot….here they will help you to see just how your alcoholism is affecting your life and the lives of those around you

[sickbelly]

Thank you for talking with me, and I will give them a call, its funny because there is an AA like 5 mins away from, but right & I a mean right next door to it is my favorite bar.

[rod44]

there are plenty of AA rooms around the place

Well you go to AA it will cost you nothing….go to the bar and well …..it could ultimately cost you your life.

[sickbelly]

True! never thought of it that way.

[rod44]

That unfortunately is the reality of the disease.

[sograteful828]

hi there, so happy you posted to the forum. I also attend AA every day, i started after being hospitalized after a suicide attempt that was alcohol induced. It is an amazing support group for those who have the desire to stop drinking. Getting a sponsor is also so important, at least for me. I, like Rod, could not stop on my own, i drank for 25 years, off and on, but i am also a drug addict. i would use whatever was handy. At the end, alcohol was the only thing easily accessible. I was completely powerless, i would tell myself every night...NEVER AGAIN... then the next day, i was right back to the liquor store. sometimes i would go a couple days to prove to my husband i wasn't an alcoholic  (I thought u had to drink every day to qualify, little did i know). but then i would be right back at the store thinking i deserved a drink after a few days.


I hope AA helps you as it does many people, it saved my life, but the program only works if you work the program. Good luck to you and i hope your physical problem gets better. gosh i remember worrying so much about the color of my urine, if my liver was shot...etc. please get yourself some help and support, you have already started by posting this forum, it shows you have the strength to reach out.

[sickbelly]

Wow that sounds so much like me, with the whole trying to prove to everyone I was NOT an alcoholic, but I knew I was. And yes I've woke up with many hangovers and swore never again, but the next day there I was drunk off my *** again. I was hospitalized about 6 years ago for alcohol poising, but that did not stop. The day I got out of the hospital I went to work, and once my shift was over I sat at the bar & got drunk once again. I should have learned then, but I didnt. I do not know how this will pan out, but hopefully I will get through it like the both of you have.  

[sograteful828]

well i am here for you, for support, a shoulder to cry on, or any info you need that i can obtain. i was given a second chance at life and want to give back in any way i can. if you have a chance, go to my profile page and read "im your disease" in my journal. it is very powerful, my husband saw this on a bulletin board while i was in the hospital and told me "read this or you are going to f'***ing die!!"  i have a 1 year old baby and too much to live for, even though we are going through tough times, house in foreclosure, no employment...etc, the alcohol was making me even more depressed, i thought it was helping. i ended up in jail on August 26th, not a dui, but in a round about way alcohol related, the next day i got so drunk to "ease my stress" that i slit my wrist and threatened to swallow a bottle of xanax when my husband called 911. my blood alcohol level was .229...i was almost dead but i dont even remember going to the liquor store the second and third time. apparently i did!!!   i am not here to preach, lecture or shove any one program down anyone's throat, i am here to be a friend and save a life from this disease i didnt even know i had...

i wish you the very best..please keep in touch and keep reaching out, there are good people out there that need to hear your story to help us remember why we are here as well. thanks for sharing

[sickbelly]

wow, thats crazy. I have been in jail on a few occasions due to my drinking. Not dwi either, but I would get violent & try beating the **** out of anyone who I even thought looked at me, but thats been several years, and I thought I had a "hold" my drinking. I thought I was doing so much better, but then I tried stopping and everytime I drank I would blackout. I can not imagine all the stress in your life. But my drinking got worse her recently when I found out my mother was dying from breast cancer. And thats one of the main reasons I was to stop drinking. I do not want my last days or months with my mother, to be drunk, or hangovers.

[sograteful828]

i am so sorry to hear about your mother, but you are very smart to realize you want to remember your mother with a clear head, with no regrets or loss of time. i thank God every day that i never had to rush anyone to the hospital, or that i never killed anyone while driving for that matter. it just makes me realize more and more what a selfish disaease this is, really. but yet, i get the fact we are human beings trying to cope with very hard circumstances, unfortunately, ii never had good coping skills. mine came from a bottle (alcohol or pill) or off a mirror...lol..life is so much better, same problems, different coping skills. and you know what, its not as bad as i made everything out to be. i had to stop the self pity!!! your mother, of course, is a horrible thing to have to cope with, but you being there sober should make her so proud and maybe give her the strength to fight even more.

[sickbelly]

yeah she hates my drinking. My dad was an alcoholic but he had a heart attack & quit. My two brothers are alcoholics too. So I dont think I used self pity that much, well sometimes I would.But I just always kinda thought this was how life was. My mom was a pill popper. So to me life was a bottle of one sort or another, but I love the way alcohol tastes so thats the one that hooked me the worst.  

[sograteful828]

i hear ya!!  my dad was as an alcoholic too until he had congestive heart failure, then he just stopped drinking...thats what kinda made me feel embarrassed cuz my husband and my father quit drinking, and i couldnt. made me hide it from everyone that much more.  anyway, so nice talking to you, i have to go tend to the baby..so i hope to hear back from you soon..have a great night and keep in touch

[sickbelly]

it was nice talking to you too. talk to ya soon.

[dominosarah]

I am glad you found us here.  Congrats on wanting to get your life back.  It is so worth it.  Get going to AA or some type of aftercare ASAP.  It will help you a ton and you wont feel alone either.  You will meet many many good people there who are genuine and caring.  If the diarrhea doesnt stop get to the doctor.  You can get some Pedialyte popsicles too and that will help keep up your electrolytes(i think that is what it does).  I am also very sorry to read about your mom.  I lost my dad to brain cancer a few years ago and i was using so bad at that time(drugs).  I numbed myself every minute of the day.  It is one of my biggest regrets and something i still work on everyday.  My dad and i didnt leave anything unsaid to each other but i was stoned to the bone.  How i wished i had gotten clean before that time.  Please just know you will always treasure everything about the time you spend with her being sober.  I cant stress this enough.  Again i am happy you are here and sober.......sara

[sickbelly]

I am so sorry for your lose Sara. I was into coke pretty bad when I was younger, I was 15 & weighed 98 pounds. But what I did not know was I was 6 1/2 months pregnant, the day I found out about my baby I stopped right then & there and never touched it again. Thank God or whoever the higher power is that my oldest is fine & healthy. He is 13 now. So I am pretty sure I can over this, oh & I did not drink when I was pregnant with any of my children, except some white wine which my doctor told me would be better for me & my babies if I drank wine instead of just stopping cold turkey.

Last night was a hard night though, all my children were gone and all I kept thinking was how good a bourbon & diet sounded. But I did not do it! I am so proud of myself. I know if I asked my husband to take me he would have. He quit drinking two months ago, but we have never gone to the bar without eachother, so he would sit there with me while I was being selfish getting my drunk on. And today I feel so much better mentally & physically!    

[dominosarah]

Way to go on not caving last night.  That is big!!!  I am proud of you....Nightime always seemed to be the hardest for me too.  You will find other things to occupy your mind.  When the cravings hit get on here, get busy just do something.  You are stronger than your cravings.  DO you take any vitamins?  I take Ester C, B-6 and B-12.  They really do help.  Hope the other end is doing better today too.  Congrats on another day sober!!!    sara

[rod44]

Well done on last night. Another hurdle over come and this proves you can do it.

Try and get to an AA meeting.

Ray

[sickbelly]

LOL yes my other end seems to be doing alot better today! thank god, I was almost to the point that I was going to drink just to make that stop. I take vitamins off & on I really should take them more often. Its funny because last night I told my husband  that I want to lose some weight so I needed to buy some more vitamins.

As for AA I am going to join. I started thinking last night. I am very strong to a point & very weak at another point. I had stopped smoking several months back, went through this program & was taking Chantix. It was wonderful I had stopped smoking within 2 weeks of the program. I had been smoking for almost 17 years! But I got a call that my mom was in the hospital, I jumped in my car headed down to the hospital & stopped by a gas station & since that day I was secretly smoking behind my husbands back. He knew he just never said anything. So I know no matter how strong I am right now, there will be a braking  and I am going to need someone or something other than a bottle.

[sickbelly]

Also I bought my children a Wii with the money I have just this week without drinking. It felt GREAT. I alone would spend at least 500.00 a week on my drinking. I never notice I was spending that much! My husband showed me a break down of our bank account ( I never really paid attention to it, I just knew I had money to drink with.) So I just can not wait to see how much money we have after a week of my not drinking. I am so excited!

[dominosarah]

Each day is new beginning sober........embrace it.      sara

[sickbelly]

That was Ray & I was talking about, one day at a time. And thats how I am going to start living. Instead of waking up & thinking about how soon til my next drink. I am gonna start waking up & how great life is without a drink

[dominosarah]

That a girl!!!  Keep up the positive thinking.  You can and will do this!!!     sara

[sickbelly]

I hope so, thank you Sara! :)

[rod44]

I am sorry your mum is unwell and that she has had such a dx. My mother died aged 34 years from breast cancer.

Any bereavement for an alcoholic is a dangerous time be they practicing or sober, my dad past away in 2000 two years before I got sober. I went off the rails completely when he died. We were very close and I took his death hard, I turned to my old friend for comfort and for the next two years I did very little but drink. I truly believe my dad influenced me into getting help even though he had passed away. He was not a drinker, in fact he hated the stuff but then he saw the damage it could do, he often spoke to my sister about his sadness and the hopelessness he felt when I was drinking so in some ways I regret not getting sober before he past away but since getting sober my relationship with my sister has improved no end and for that I am grateful…  

[sickbelly]

Gosh, 34 that is sooo young. I thought my mom is young she is 58. I am so sorry for everything. I am having a hard enough time with the watching someone die, I can not imagine what I will be like after actually losing someone. My father is still here too. They are still married. I have always been very close with both my parents, especially my mother. I am a "loner" so I really do not have any friends besides my parents, husband, and children. I am so glad I came to this site to actually talk. Instead of always being my fake self trying to make everything I have this picture perfect life. My brothers & actually did not know that our mom had breast cancer til the night before she had her mastectomy  because she was scared we would all just go out drink. Which needless to say That night I was very drunk.My oldest brother who is 40, we have became very close dealing with all of this, he has slowed down on his drinking. But my other brother who is 36 he has just drank more & more So him & I are not that close anymore. My mother has only breast cancer for 2 almost 3 years, it is now in her bones, liver, lungs, and the membrane around her brain. It is just so hard for me because I have been blessed and I have never lost anyone. And to be dealing with this when it is my mother, is just painful. And I guess I need to deal with the pain & hurt instead of trying to mask it with alcohol. It was actually just me going out every night & drinking & just setting there crying & crying because of my mothers death. when in fact she is still alive. And I never looked at it that way til this week. I just seen her as dead instead of being alive.  

[rod44]

Yes it is tough, I was only 5 when my mum died so I don’t remember much about it….

Try and spend as much time with your mother and be her friend and comforter. She needs her family united and supporting each other at this time.

[sickbelly]

Yes it is hard. But I know I will make it. People deal with death everyday, I on the hand just have not yet. She is not only my mother but also my best friend and I am great full to have her. But I know everything will work out. Heatherose

[ibizan]

i lost my dad 3 years ago to prostate cancer..it devoured him.I never stop thinking of him and know how proud he is of my sobriety.....he stopped drinking in 1983 when i did.My mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia when my dad died.....such a double whammy.She is 91 and in Alzheimers assisted living.I see her bi-weekly.She is watching her friends dies around her and says she wants to die and be dust with my dad.I know that day will come when i must part with her...and it will suck like no other.Try to think of the kind of life ur mom wants for you....it most likely doesn't revolve around alcohol/drugs...and live it...my heartfelt condolences that u are watching her in pain.My mom is my best friend and i have been most fortunate to have her for she endured a life rife with abuse from her parents.Ah the yin/yang of life!

[dominosarah]

How are you today??  Hope you are feeling better.......sara

[sickbelly]

91 wow I bet you thank life everyday for still having her. It is horrible that she got diagnosed with that right after the passing of your father.  Cancer is just so weird, my grandmother had cancer for over 20 years. And then here is my mom who has only had it for 2 almost 3 years, and she is not going to make it that long. I hate the fact that my mom is dying., But it has made me wake & realize things that I did not before. I always thought I was a good mother, but I realize I am a horrible mother. My children have never gone without anything, but I am passing along traits  that my father did, that make my children ( like it did me) think that this is life. Instead of facing life, go get a bottle. My children are too good to follow my paths in life. I am still scared to face life without a "crutch" but I think I am starting to get the hang of it.
83? man 26 years! that is awesome. You must be so proud of yourself everyday.
It just feels so weird to have all these hopes & plans for the future. Instead of short term plans where all I want is money & alcohol. My mother & I are like twins, except I have my fathers nose. If you take a pic of my mom at any age, & take a pic of me at the same age, you could not tell the deference. So I came up with something I would like to do for her last night.I do not think my husband has that much faith in me on because I am 5"1" and 141 lbs. But I think if I cut out all the drunking nights & hitting Mcdonalds & taco bell, at 3:00 am, I think I can do it. Anyhow I want to lose weight & get back into modeling, for my mother. I think she would proud of me. She loved it when I used to model. This feels so great, just thinking about the future instead of drinking. Sorry I am just going on & on, but I am trying to stay positive.

[dominosarah]

Take it one day at a time.....Dont put a whole bunch of pressure on you to get everything done all at once.   Remember each new day sober is a new beginning.....

The weight will come off.  Drinking and eating usually pack on pounds.  Be proud of what you are accomplishing by getting up each day and deciding to be sober.  Keep talking to us as we are here for you!!       sara

[ibizan]

yes i am so grateful to have my mom still.....she is such a role model of perseverance mental strength and altruism.....she has fought many demons in her life!yes hard to believe i'll be sober 26 years 11-22!i remember my last drunk/high what i was wearing who i was with how crappy i felt.....it was my spiritual awakening to wake the H up!In 1983 there was only one flavor of schnappes,one flavor of Mad Dog and beer only came in 2 sizes!i am quite the antique!:)and in the beginning it felt like forever minus drink/drug..the first few weeks felt like months,,,but then it has slid by one day at a time!it is natural in the beginning to beat urself up...u will stop..u must stop....we use our misdeeds as springboards for growth!

[sickbelly]

Today was kinda hard. I talked to my mom on the phone & all she was doing was crying and talking about dying. I kinda feel like shes lost all willpower. She told us that if anyone asks what is going on with her to just say she is dying.When I went & seen her today, she just seemed... well I dont know how to explain it.She was very weak & sleepy.Hardly ate anything.I called my dad crying & told him I wanted a drink so bad, just so I didnt have to deal with it. But he talked me down.I feel so great making it through another day sober. :)
You guys are the greatest!

[dominosarah]

Spend the time you have left with your mom talking to her, reminisce about her life as a child, teenager, proms etc.  Remember whens was always so comforting to me when my dad and i would talk.  I would take notes while he slept of the things we talked about.  He used to make pheasant like no other so i asked just what he did.....He got up the next day and we made pheasant in the crock pot....it took everything he had in him to finish but he sat on a chair and i handed him the ingrediants all the while taking notes in my head....needless to say his tasted better but with time mine will be just as good!!!  I know you are hurting and that is normal.  DONT hide your feelings.  Let yourself feel these emotions....This is all part of life and we cant cover up our emotions with alcohol or drugs.  It only makes it worse.  I am really proud of you for talking to your dad and staying sober another day.  You are doing this and that is great!!!!!!!!  Stay strong and stay true to yourself........sara

[ibizan]

sickbelly- heed sara's words so wise and true...and sara the first meal my dad ever taught me to cook was pheasant...i was 9 years old and he sat me down in the kitchen and did his recipe with all the fixings!u really sparked a loving memory and a big smile:)

[sickbelly]

Thank you Sara & will try to take some of your advise. I did make it another day sober! I know I can do this, the days are getting harder & harder ( with my mom) but I am still sober. Today the doctors decided to cease radiation & chemo. She will be home in just a few days. They told us we should start making funeral arrangements.  They have her some blood today, because of how low her white blood cells are. So maybe that will help. Hell I dont know. But she is proud of me & being sober so that is all that matters to me.

[ibizan]

We all knew it was a matter of time b4 my dad went and he had all his affairs organized to to T...it was the way he was.....but u know in ur head will happen but NOTHING on earth can ever prepare u for when it does happen.....nothing can predict what ur emotions will be..it is like being in an ocean and tidal waves keepin slapping at u knocking u down but u get back up......my mom is doing a lot of talking about joining my dad.....telling my bro and sis what she wants as a funeral....she battles congestive heart failure but i know THE day will come for her when i will have to let go.....she is not comfortable....but hangs tough my ma......i will be glad her pain..and was glad my dads pain is gone....they deserve eternal life and happiness 2 gether after all they went thru on this earth....it leaves a hole tho.....a big one...and keeping busy and staying sober/clean is the only antidote to it...plus my mind is a non-stop 8 MM movie of good memories and all my mom and dad have taught me.I have my dads pic in my kitchen..i talk to him constantly..i do feel him talking back!...advising and guiding me!

[sickbelly]

I am sorry if I have made anyone sad. I some how turned this whole subject around. I do know what you mean about the tidal wave. Thats how it has been since day one with her. They get our hopes up & then knock us down. I give up with the doctors & I am leaving it up to the "higher power, whatever or whoever that may be".She is going to this places called hospice house today or tomorrow.  She has stopped eating. lost control of bowls & is vomiting really bad, but its like this yellow fluid.She will not have anything to do with anyone except my dad.(not even her own mother) And what little she does have with my father is not much to really speak. I think when the doctors stopped her chemo & radiation, I think they basically killed my mother mentally. She has no f**king willpower anymore. I had to "plan" her funeral yesterday, by myself.  
But you know what, I am still sober. Do not get me wrong, I did take some valume, But hey it was not a bottle,

[rod44]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment and that your mum is in such distress, I hope she can find peace now in the hospices.
You need to look out for yourself as this as you are painfully aware this is a bad and dangerous time for you. Valium may dull the pain and sorrow you are feeling however this grieving process needs to happen. Try not to greave alone though.  Try and share at a meeting and beware of isolating yourself, there are people on here most of the time if you need to chat or vent or whatever so use the community to help you get through this crises.    

[sickbelly]

The great thing with all of this is the hospital could not completely drug her because they go on type of pain scale. Well at the hospice house they can fully medicate her. And it will be so soothing to watch her go peaceful.Also the hospice house has a program that my children & can can go through for free. Its basically like a grievance counselor. I am totally going to take advantage of that, because I really do not know how to tell my children this. I am happy that she will going to the hospice house, it will be alot better then the hospital.But I can not help myself from being so pissed at my mom right now, because I kinda feel like she gave up. Which I shouldnt,but I do. Maybe her giving up & taking it in she will go sooner & be out of pain forever. I know that sounds bad, but I do not want to see my momma in pain anymore.
And yes, I do not want to go from being addicted to alcohol, to being addicted to pills. But it was just so hard going to funeral home after funeral, and she is still alive.But I would rather take care of then put my father through it alone. And I would rather do it now, while I am still somewhat thinking clearly. I know that if I have made it sober through the past 2 days, that I can make it through damn near anything. I never knew I was as strong powered as I am, and that feels great!    Hugs to everyone......Heatherose      

[rod44]

I am glad your mum is getting the care she deserves. The grieving counsellor thing sounds good, take every thing that will help you through this. The anger you feel is part of the process.
It is amazing how much strength we can find during times like this. You are doing ok but just be aware that you can only do so much.  

[sickbelly]

And that is part of my problem. I think I am just trying too much at one point in time. I am dealing with my own demons, trying to take care of my parents also, and my children. And I think everything is just hitting me all at once.But I am just scared because I know the major hit has not came. But like my momma says, take care of your kids, yourself, and then be there for your father. And thats how I am trying to do it. But I am also trying to take care of her parents. I think here before too long, before I totally wear myself mentally, I think I am going to concentrate on myself for awhile.
You guys have no idea how much you have helped me. If it was not for this site, I would probably be in a drunkin stupor.   But because of you guys I can think through all of this with a clear mind. You all have saved me in a lot of ways.

[ibizan]

u don't make me sad girl!for me to continue to talk about by dad and give comfort to another who is going thru this is a part of my journey of greiving.Valium won't help a damn thing this we know!And one of these days here i know i will lose my mom......she talks alot about going to join my dad.....understandable for u in ur greif to be mad at ur mom for giving up as u say...put urself in her shoes with her imagined pain.....wouldn't u want to go peacefully?u do have a lot on ur plate emotionally and physically!just keep posting and not drinking!who is ur sober support system?got any good woman friends?

[sickbelly]

Good, honestly the more I talk it the better I feel too. And yes, if I was her I would want to be out of also. I'm just selfish sometimes wanting her to stay around for our family. My mom has not even left this world yet, and all my father talks about is when she is gone that he will be right there with her, (meaning dying) Its hard to her, but it is good that she misses her husband & wants to be with him. As for friends, well to be honest at this moment you all are about the only ones I could say "friend:. Everyone else that I have known for the past several years have been people I know from bars. And it seems now that I stopped drinking, none of them talk to me anymore. Because me being sober, they say I am not "fun" anymore. Which I think is childish because most of them range from 30-50 years of age.

[dominosarah]

You are not making any of us sad.....we grieve even without any reminders.  I am so glad your mom is in Hospice now.  I have nothing but praise for that organization.  Those people are heaven sent.  You use their services.  Yell, scream, cry or laugh......it is okay.  Your anger is normal and very justified.  It is hard to see our parents giving up but pain will do that.  Now that she is in Hospice she will be comfortable.  As for YOU......take some time out of each day to take care of yourself.  This is very important.  AND as for the valium....throw that **** away.  Trust me on this you dont want to get hooked on them.   There are many other outlets for you than taking these.  Many times the pills that are supposed to help us end up hurting us.  The withdrawals are brutal from these.  I am just a worry wart about this sort of thing.  Another thing about getting sober is you find out who your friends are and who arent.  That was hard for me in the beginning and now it is okay.  Keep us posted and vent away......We are all here for you........sara

[sickbelly]

Thank you Sara, I was really starting to feel selfish in being mad at her, but now that I know I am not the only who has felt that way, I feel so much better.I only have 5 of those pills, so Im not worried about getting hooked per say. I do not want to substitute one addiction for another. I just.... well honestly I do not know why I took them.I guess it was just another excuse to get some type of "high".I wanted to get drunk, but I didnt want to. And my mom is kinda weird, when I am drinking without looking at me or talking to me, she knows. I have had many phone calls at all different times of the day or not & its my calling & saying I know your drinking, aren't you. So I know if I even looked at a bottle right now, she would know. And thats the last thing she needs right now.

[ibizan]

sarah such good advice!sickbelly- i used to eat those damn valiums..the withdrawal from them was nasty!my mom continues to talk about wanting to join my dad....and asking us to give her the funeral she wants....i know why she wants to leave and i understand...but that human selfish side will hang on.....they are dueling banjoes with each other!and OH YESSSSSSSSSSSS..i found out who my real friends...WEREN"T in recovery!i started all over...took awhile...but well worth the journey..i have very good ppl/friends in my life today that i have accumulated over the years.

[sickbelly]

My grandma just called, the hospital is taking my mom off of her feeding tube.It is making her belly really bloated I guess. My grandma is starting on her obituary today, so that my dad does not have to worry about it.

[dominosarah]

Sometimes the feeding tube just prolongs the suffering.  It seems your dad is struggling to but make sure you ask him if there is anything that he wants to have at the funeral.  We got all the plans done before my dad passed away too.  It seemed so bad to be doing that before he died but it was so helpful after he did.  Sit with your mom, hold her hand and tell her how thankful you are for her.  Tell her you are sober now.  Talk to her like you normally would.  There came a time when we told my dad it was okay to go.....he fought so hard and still didnt listen to us!!!  Just remember to let yourself FEEL these emotions....DONT bottle them up and dont hide them from your kids or your dad or even your mom. It is okay to feel the pain and anger..  It is not okay to run from them.  We may not be sitting beside you but we are here in spirit and we all care.  Lean on us right now.......sara

[sickbelly]

I want to hold her hand &kiss her& tell her I love her. But she will not speak with me. I just talked to my father.And he said basically what you did. stop running, talk to your kids now. It is happening.her body is not using the fluids they were pumping in her, which I assume( and please forgive me I am very naive at times) but I assume everything is shutting down.  Dad thinks she wants nothing to do with me especially because she told him that I am the one that will be hardest to leave.Which f*cks me up even more, because she is the one I am trying to hold on to so much. And I guess it is time I stop. Maybe I should be the one giving up, on trying to be there and taking everything so personal. But good news dad says she looks so peaceful. Which makes me feel so much better.

[dominosarah]

Yes her internal organs are shutting down.  As hard as this is it is a blessing.

Is your mom communicating with anyone else right now?  There does come a point when sometimes they just cant talk.  My dad was like that.  Go and sit with your mom, tell her how you feel and tell her you will be okay.  Bring a magazine or book or something to do and just sit there with her.  Dont take it personal.....the meds also will mess with them.  Dont give up either.....yes our selfishness comes into play here as we dont want to lose them but it is time now for you to stand up on your own 2 feet and carry on the values and traditions your mom taught you.  They live thru us now.....Once the pain finds it place the laughter and good times will come thru.  This is all a process my friend....They also have greiving support groups and they can be very beneficial.  I am sending you a big gentle hug.........sara

[sickbelly]

Thank you Sara & hugs back to you.The only person she is talking to or wants to see is my father. And when I say talking to its more just moans & groans. I want to be at the hospital with her, but I do not want to stress her even more. So I am following her wishes. I think there will be a time very soon that she tell dad to allow us there. I just hope it is before she goes. I am coming to terms, in a way I am kinda happy for her, no more meds, no more pain, no more worrying about everyone. She was always so worried about everyone else, never herself.I know that my mother knows I love her, I would just like to say it to her one more time. Last time I  went to the hospital to see her, she told me like 10 times how much she loves me & I told her too. I think before I even left the hospital that night, that she knew she was no longer going to let people come see her, or call her, besides my father. I am starting to be more at ease and I am not so pissed at her. I know she is just sheltering me as she always had. She does not want me to see her in pain. And I have to respect that.

[dominosarah]

If those are her wishes then yes you do need to respect that.  She is still protecting her babies....I have always said that i think it is easier to lose someone to cancer meaning you have that time to say your goodbyes unlike a car accident or something like that.  You also feel a sense of relief when they do go as they are not suffering anymore.  I in no way mean that coldhearted....Now while you wait for the closing hours take some time for you.  That is important.  I wish you peaceful moments and comfort right now.......sara

[ibizan]

u go to the hospital....be there....if she doesn't want to see u in her final time then u can be with her when she is gone and tell her how much u love and will miss her.My dad died at 5amish..i awoke that morn at 3:30 am and KNEW he was gone..i drove an hour to say goodbye to him..his spirit was there but shell of a  body ravaged by the cancer.so u go...be careful driving.....no drink..no valium...u go and do as sara says....u need to be with ur family now...specially ur dad!my heart and prayers go out to u!big cyberhug!

[sickbelly]

Yes I feel the same & no that was not cold hearted in no means. I too think it is easier with this than to get a phone call that a healthy loved on is gone from a accident.  I have had almost 3 years to "prepare" myself. I told my father today that I will be going up there, even if I am just sitting in the waiting room.My mother & I do not always see things eye to eye & this is one of them.She always told me how I am her back bone. If she wanted to say something to someone, but couldnt, I would. She knows me, no one tells me what to do, I have a very strong opinion. And I am going to follow it, its the way I always have been. She knows that.

[dominosarah]

Yes she does know that and i bet she is smiling inside...........

[dominosarah]

I have to go for awhile now....Please keep us posted on how your mom is and how you are doing.  I will be on later.  You are very important to us here.  Just wanted to let you know that........hugs     sara

[dominosarah]

How are things tonight?   Since you arent on tonight hopefully this means you are getting some much needed rest...........sara

[sickbelly]

Oh Sara I went to bed so early & when I woke I only had not even 10 minutes to get my kids ready to get on the bus.My father called me last night around 8:30 to tell me that they got my mom moved to the hospice house, and she was sleeping very well.They took her off of her oxygen. But it was just a relief that she was sleeping so peaceful, that right after him & I got off the phone I went to sleep. I feel great this morning. Well physically not to good mentally. But we know it will be happening, so it will not be a shock. Still Sober!   Heatherose

[ibizan]

so glad she has peace.....many prayers for her,u and ur entire family!

[dominosarah]

It is very comforting to know you got some much needed sleep and your mom did too.  I too am sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family........sara

[dominosarah]

How are things going today?

[dominosarah]

Just wanted you to know i am thinking about you........sara

[sograteful828]

i am so sorry about your mother, words cannot express, but your attitude is one to be commended, i am so proud of you for still being sober, i don't know if i would be as strong, but i will say this, you made me realize today how much i take for granted, and how strong you are....i have 51 days today, and you taught me something today that will stay with me forever, something you wrote really hit home....i just wanted to say thank you, and please hang in there, i am here for you....

[dominosarah]

I hope you are doing okay sickbelly.......Please when you can let us know how you are.     sara

[dominosarah]

Has anyone heard from sickbelly??  I hope she is okay.........sara

[sograteful828]

no, i was wondering the same....if anyone hears from her please let us know

[ibizan]

I am going to assume she is with her mother and family during these final stages or if her mom has gone on2 a painfree place she is greiving and will let us know how she is doing in time.i am praying for her and her family.

[Tink70]

OR she went back to the booze cause the pain was too much to handle.  That is the reality of this disease.  I hope ibizan is right, though.
Tink

[sickbelly]

Nope have not been drinking, thanks though. Actually I have been at hospice house with my mom, til Saturday that is. Sorry I have not wrote in awhile just been very busy. We were at hospice for a week & 1/2. I had to write her obituary & man that was hard. These whole past 2 years have just been ********.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansascity/obituary.aspx?n=terry-rose-boyle-mcbee&pid=135054213


Terry Rose Boyle McBee, 58, KCMO, passed away October 24, 2009 at K.C. Hospice House after a long battle with cancer. She was born February 1, 1951 to George and Marilyn Boyle of KCMO. She was preceded in death by her grandparents and her infant son, Johnathon. She is survived by her parents and her husband of 41 years, Bruce McBee; two sons, Anthony and Christopher McBee; daughter Heather McBee Peterman and her husband Pete; six grandchildren; one great granddaughter; three brothers, and one sister. In lieu of flowers contributions are suggested to K.C. Hospice House who made her passing so peaceful. She will be forever loved and missed. Memorial services will be held October 29, at 10 a.m., at Community of Christ Church, 12600 Byars Road, Grandview, (Arr.: Park Lawn Funeral Home, 816- 523-1234)

[rod44]

I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family

Ray.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Whatever we were to each other, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the same easy way you always have.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it always was.
There is absolute continuity.

Why should I be out of your mind Because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you,
for an interval,
Somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is past.
Nothing has been lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before..
Only better. Infinitely happier.
We will be one,
Together, Forever.

Author unknown

[sickbelly]

Thank you, that was very nice. I really like it. Heatherose

[rod44]

Hi Heatherose
This is a tough time and I hope and pray you are looking after yourself. Eating properly and getting as much rest as you can.

Ray  

[sograteful828]

I am so sorry for your loss, but reading Rods post really makes it slightly softer (?) i guess on this end.  i am happy you havent fallen, i am here for you in your time of need.  we just lost someone last night we founf out late, so i appologize if i make no sense, this is kinda hard fall all, but i wanted to lend my support, and take care of yourself, you have been down a rough road....please try to take care...i will say a prayer for your mother and for you
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[ibizan]

I knew where u were and what u were doing!Heartfelt condolences!My dad gone in 2006.I had a dream about him sunday morn....we were having a family gathering in the house i grew up in.He was gone but he walked into the house!We were so happy to see him but he said I am really not here!We said how can that be u r talking to us?He said you know i'm gone but i live in your hearts and minds and u need to keep moving forward!whew!I awoke and had to pinch self for awhile...that felt so real!And u must keep moving forward dear...it will be hard....but she would want that for u!:)

[dominosarah]

I am so sorry my friend.  Your mom is in a better place now free from pain.  You will find comfort in her memories at some point.  Let yourself feel the pain now.  We are here for you........sara

[sickbelly]

Sorry I was not trying to be rude by not replying. I have just been so busy. My dad has been having me go to their house & going through everything. Its wouldnt be so bad, but my mama is a pack rat.It was so weird though, last night when I got home I was setting in chair in the corner of my front room & I had dinner cooking. But all I could smell was my mom. I do not know if I really believe in spirits and such but I have had some weird things happen since my mom has passed. And thank you ibizan, you sure did know where I was & what I was doing. :) Thank you for all the prayers everyone. You guys really are the best! :)

[ibizan]

my mom and dad held on2 everything for 62 years!it took us 3 years to go thru it.I have a pile of blankets afghans and pillows from my mom and dad...they still have their scent on them...i won't wash them..it is comforting to wrap up in my moms fav afghan and still smell her in it!i believe in many things we cannot see in this material world.....and have very interesting real life dreams!

[sickbelly]

Wow thats alot of things to go through.My parents have 2 houses. One in the city, one in country. I have been busting my butt off trying to get the one in city clean & gone through, but have only got one room done. My father wants me to go to the house in the country this weekend. But I told him I have to get my own house clean first. and that I wanted to weeded one house at a time. I was so mad I have a 3 kids a husband and a step son. I was at the hospice house for a week and half. The day my mom died I finally came home, my house was trashed! No one did anything in it! The day after mom passed I started working in my dads house and I still have not had a chance to do anything in my own. Plus I have bringing things over from her house and have no where to put them! grrrr! oh and there for awhile I thought I was absolutely losing my mind. My mama loved angels, and the other night I had a very vivid dream with angels. Then last night I was setting by myself in my front room, I had dinner cooking. Then all of a sudden all I could do was smell my mom. My moms passing has really made me change the way I look at things.  

[dominosarah]

I sometimes get the smell of my dads aftershave.  It comes out of the blue or i have heard him call my name and when i answer the rest of my family looks at me like i am nuts!!!  Noone else hears it but me.....My dad was a pack rat and when we went to clean out their house and man the things we found.....They had saved their polio vaccination receipts from 1962!!!  I also found the breeding schedule of their cows from the 1950's!!!

Dont forget to take some time for you during all of this.  Glad to see you posting!!!     sara

[sickbelly]

yeah I know what you mean, my family thinks I am starting to lose it...lol. thats funny that they held on to all that for so long. And its like my mom, she would even keep receipts from the grocery store because they had her signature & the last 4 digits of her credit card number on them. She was so paranoid over all that stolen identity ****. So of course I cant just look at them & through them away. My dad is having me put all of them in another to burn..lol I guess hes paranoid off all that too.  

[dominosarah]

My dad was in the military for 45 yrs and he saved EVERYTHING from that.  We had 5 shredders going and burnt up 3 of them!!!  What a nightmare that was!!!!

[ibizan]

don't forget HALT......don't let urself get too hungry angry lonely and tired.......and mega loads of poop upon ur family for not being more helpful to u during this time.......so crappy!u can't get 50 years of stuff accumulated gone thru in a short period of time.....go easy and do what u can!

[sickbelly]

Yes I just took so much time off, my dad called me worried. I have not went back over there for 5 days, I will go back tomorrow.I had to take a breather. All my brothers were doing was telling me what to do & getting drunk. I could not stand the fighting anymore. But my dad completely understands. My mom has always been my rock, but now that she is gone, my dad is really trying to now. Which helps me alot. He used to think I was a ***** because I am very outspoken, but he says now he just realizes how much my mother & I are alike. And instead of thinking I am *****, he thinks my mother raised me very good.He kinda likes it now that she is not here to ***** at him...lol

[dominosarah]

Im glad to hear you took some time off.  You needed that.  Sounds like you and your dad are connecting now and that is great!!!  Stay in touch or we worry!!      sara

[rod44]

Like Sahra I to am glad you took some time out, that kinda pressure when doing what must be a very sad job is not good for you. I am also glad things are good with your dad, you and he need each other at this time....keeping you in my prayers.

Ray

[dominosarah]

I was worried about you too Rod!!  Nice to see you.......sara

[ibizan]

your brothers are such fools.....yeegads there r 2 many of them in the world!oh what an ordeal u r going thru and I know.....u and ur dad will grow closer.....go easy with that material stuff......it is just stuff and years of it to sort thru!practicing HALT is imperative now!

[rod44]

Hi Sara, Still here, not been to well but you cant keep a bad thing down for long lol!! back for now but could be missing for a few weeks in the future but dont worry I will give you all advance warning lol.....

Ray

[ibizan]

whatever it is that is ailing you i hope it is medical fixable......don't disappear here...we need u and value ur advice...u have been such a help to me and many of us here!take care of urself and keep us informed!:)

[rod44]

Hi Ibizan, thanks for your kind words, I have benefited very much from being part of this community and have no intension of going very far from here.
I was DX earlier this year with a cyst in the center of my spinal cord, I had an appointment with a neurosurgeon on Tuesday afternoon, well to cut a long story short they have decided they may need to operate to place a shunt to drain it. the doctors are meeting on Monday to discuss where to go from here but have indicated that my condition needs to be treated urgently and the only treatment is surgery. The surgery however is high risk as it involves the spinal cord so I am in a bit of a delima....

I will keep you all updated on how things progress.

Regards Ray

[ibizan]

that is indeed anxiety provoking!i take it u will have someone to help u at home after this?many many healing prayers for u!

[sickbelly]

Yes I will pray for you Ray, so sorry to hear about that.Hopefully surgery will go nice & easy. That is one word that does freak me out, (surgery).
You all have been so awesome I wish if I would have came to this site along time ago.
I am about to give up on going to my parents house trying to help my dad. He has had alot of health problems. He has survived like 3 heart attacks. So I do not expect him to clean this house by himself. I have not been over in almost a week.I went today to clean & go through things. Ended up being a HUGE fight between me & brother. See I do not remember if I mentioned this before but I have 2 older brothers who live there, they are 40 & 36.Neither have a job, they have lived off of my parents for SEVERAL years know. I moved out of parents house when I was 16.So my brother gets completely **** faced, and wants me to keep all this garbage & take it home. Then he tells me I never loved my mom, and how its just him & me fixing these houses. Well I guess by him & me means him telling me what to do & me doing it. So I am the type who can only take so much. Lets just say today when I left he was crying. He is so overly emotional   and for him to drink makes him even emotional.So as you can not tell I just needed to vent. Sorry guess. Hope everyone is doing good!

[rod44]

Thanks Ibizan, It is interesting that you ask if i have support at home, since getting sick I have discovered all over again just how  lucky I am. The last time i was in hospital no one asked after me to see if I was OK, the so called Friends I had all suddenly disappeared when they discovered I was in for detox, my family were just unable to take any more. i spent three months and in that time the only visitor I had were people from AA who came to help and support me even when I was not very cooperative....

In the seven years that I have been sober I have become best friends with my sister, I have my AA family and I have my partner Anne,  they are all equally fantastic. My friends from AA along with Anne and my sister are working together to have an aftercare plan for me. Would I have this if I was drinking.....

Sickbelly your prayers are gratefully appreciated, you are here on the site now and using it to get help and by doing so helping others, I can identify with you, I was drinking at the time my Dad past away, I behaved much like your brother. I added to the grief and sadness that my family were going through.
You need to let go of the anger and the possible resentment building against your brothers, deal with your own grief and avoid this fighting, it will end badly for you. Remember what Ibizan said in an earlier post H.A.L.T.
you are doing the right thing by venting here, well done I know it cant be easy for you at this time.

Ray

[sickbelly]

I am so sorry to hear that no one was really there for you. That is horrible. I was lucky with my mom, if I even went in for a physical, my mom would show up to make for sure I was ok.I was married to my first husband when I got my tubes tied. They had me on some massive pain pills, I could not walk or even get a drink of water by myself. My ex husband would not do a damn thing to help me. But my mom would stay with me as long as she could.I miss her so freakin much.
I am glad that you do have people working on a plan for you. I also know what you mean about "so called friends", since not drinking I have realized that I really do not have any friends, they were all just drinking friends., It's sad I am almost 30 & have pretty much no friends. Well life goes on, maybe I can met some & they will be "true" friends. I have decided that I am going to go back through this class that helps you stop smoking. I had done it awhile back, but my mom ended up in the hospital *& before I knew it I was smoking again. She smoked, but she was so proud of me when I had tried to stop.
As for my brother, I am done arguing with him. I will tolerate all of his ****, just for my fathers sake.I have realized that is in a way beneath me as an adult and that is fine. I just hope for his sake that one day he will grow up.
Heatherose

[rod44]

Hi Heatherose,

it was hard but as time went on and I got back my dignity and self-respect I again made friends.....today life is good.
It is hard loosing one of your family, your mom was a good person by the sounds of it, it is important to keep her memory alive especially the happy side of it.
stay positive and stay sober and you will have a life beyond your wildest dreams, that is what i was told in AA and it has proved to be the case....

Ray

[sickbelly]

I some what know what you mean, I am starting to learn to love myself again. Slowly but surely. And yes I do try so hard to be positive. For not only myself, but my children, husband, dad & mostly my moms parents. She was a wonderful person. Well I know most children say that about their parents, but she was, I can not think of one person who did not love/like her.

[ibizan]

SB- so sorry ur having to go thru this **** with ur bro...u do NOT hafta take it!do ur damndest to tune him out!some ppl r like flies they pester others and eat poop!and rod-i'll be thinking/praying for u on tuesday!