to all alcoholics

[chad4me]

This isnt a question,I am  a just a wife whos heart has been ripped out.thrown on the floor and stomped on everyday by my alcoholic husband, the family of all addicts are afraid,shaky,agitated,sick to our stomaches,and ANY SYMPTON that you may go trough quitting!!!!,, I want you to know when you feel AA isnt working please remember to care about yourselfs,, WE can love someone who doesnt give us the options of making our  lifes different, AT THIS VERY MOMENT  my husband got out of work 2 hrs ago,I DONT KNOW IF HES AT A BAR dead,in jail BUT my heart wants him to be at AA, so please,when you choose to quit please remember your friend and family,we dont want you to quite because were powering tripping we asked because we LOVE YOU.

[konyha]

I attended a few Al-anon meetings several years ago.
The first few meetings were interesting and addressed matters that I would have never thought about. The topic in one Al-anon  meeting made even me (a jaded recovering alcoholic) feel uncomfortable and wish I could disappear.

The gist of it was:
The alcoholic in your life is sick, bogged down in substances that cloud judgment; almost all rational thought has been rewired and/or re-prioritized. . The incessant self-centeredness of active addiction stands in the way of reason and to what is painfully obvious to others. The idea the alcoholic is losing and/or jeopardizing everything that was once important is transient when sober and in some cases sends the alcoholic down a shame spiral if dwelt upon

The point was:
That explains practicing alcoholic’s behaviour: What explains yours? Who remains in a relationship like that and does little for themselves?  Viewed this way, there are two equally sick people.

The 12-steps (or whatever support system) apply to Al-anon as well in a like matter:
(example: cut and paste from Al-anon)

My life became unmanageable in the following ways:
1. I didn’t have time to do routine household chores because I was out looking for the alcoholic at bars. The house was a mess.
2. I didn’t have decent clothes to wear because, of course, I had no time to shop.
3. I rarely ate regular meals because I was waiting for my spouse to come home–that waiting could be hours or even days. I was thin and undernourished.
4. I felt angry, sad, and lonely, so I was unable to participate in anything in my community.
5. Prior to joining Al-Anon, I was sitting in the basement, crying and trying to figure out what to do. As long as I sat in the basement, my life stayed unmanageable.
Etc.

Expressing one’s feelings rather suppressing them is healthy.
While I encourage this, it sometimes puzzles me when non-alcoholics express supportive statements, attempt understand, explain or offer reassurance to practicing or recovering alcoholics (rather than to other recovering, experienced non-alcoholics involved with an alcoholic).  

The longer I stay sober and work on my issues  - not my alcoholic spouse’s unintended manipulative tendencies (s)he understandably had to adopt to keep our family together  when I was drinking – but my issues, to this day,    
Rest assured:  
I still have a small knot in my stomach that makes me sick with guilt and shame about how incredibly lonely my husband must have been during the years I drank.

Interaction with other alcoholics in recovery (along with my spouses efforts in al-anon) helped me be a better spouse - and get my (our) life back.

K

[driftersgal]

You're right--we, as family and friends, don't ask because we're trying to control the alcoholic, but because we love and care about them, and we want to have a normal life!!  Living with an alcoholic is very difficult--sleepless nights, rages that go for hours, ranting, accusations, not being able to reason with them-the list goes on and on.  I have found that if I'm able to distract (or divert) him, things don't get out of control.  I'm not that good, yet, on being able to switch topics when it looks like he's going to get started, but practice makes perfect!