my dream

[MissmyAngel]

So I'm trying to concieve and hasnt been working out so well. I lost a baby last July, and haven't been able to get preggers since.
About a month ago I had a dream, that my sister came to me, excited because she found a new way to have a baby. She took a little piece of my skin, and a little piece of my hubbys skin, and put them together in a bucket of water. As we watched, this little cell began to divide and get bigger. She explained that I needed to feed it with some special drops from an eyedropper, and I had to change out the water once a day to keep the environment clean. So I started to change te water, and she yelled at me saying the water was too hot. (I'm pretty sure that I lost my baby due to a heat stroke I had at work when I was 5 weeks pregnant, although the baby grew to 8w 3d)
Well the baby kept growing for a bit, and started to resemble a baby, but he never moved. He stopped growing at some point, and we werent sure if he was still alive or not. I took him with me everywhere I went and took care to make sure to feed him and change the water. Still he never moved.
At some point, she offered to make me a new one, and showed me some of the other babies she made, and they were moving around. I refused, and said that I loved this one, and even if something went wrong, I would always love this one.
One day I was walking down the road, and came to a bridge. Some girl came along and started pushing me around and making fun of me, then grabbed the baby and threw him off a bridge. I flipped out and beat her up (so she couldnt follow me) and ran to the bottom of the bridge, where I found my baby. His hand was broken, and I cried and cried, and freaked out.
The next part of my dream jumped around a bit, so I can't really remember exactly how it went, but it seems like I was walking around doing the motions of things, but not really there in my mind(as if I was deprressed). I was helping my Mom move some furniture, and then I got a phone call from my Grandma to get over to her house immidiately, but she wouldn't tell me why. I tried to get there as fast as I could, thinking something was wrong with the baby. (I'm not sure if  it was still the same baby or if my sister made me another) and there were all kinds of obstacles in the way.
Unfortunately, my alarm clock went off at that point, so that was the end of the dream. I never found out what my Grandma had called about..

My dream seems to go along with what happened in real life, except the last part, where I was running to my Grandma's. I think when my baby was thrown off the bridge and I found him "broken" represented my miscarriage. I have been very depressed since this happened. I just dont understand the last part, where I was running to my Grandma's house, and thinking about my baby...
I was really hoping it was a sign that I was pregnant last month, but it wasn't.. Plus January the 25th would have been my due date..SO that most likely is why I ahd the dream. I also kinda got this feeling like it was my baby telling me I had to let go, and stop being so depressed.

[MissmyAngel]

Thank you! I am feeling good about this pregnancy, so I really hope this is the one!

[specialmom]

I am so happy for you.  Congratulations on your pregnancy.  That is wonderful.  I know you loved your first baby and always will.  That is why I know you are going to be such a fantastic mom to your second baby.  Try not to worry.  I'm glad you are starting therapy again---------  that can really help.  So, I will say a prayer for a healthy pregnancy leading to a healthy birth leading to a healthy baby!!!  My best wishes to you for healing from your loss and celbrating the joy to come.  

[MissmyAngel]

Thank you for your kind words :)
I got a BFP yesterday after 7 1/2 months of trying :)
I am also starting therapy next week. Unfortunately I had to wait because I had used up all my sessions for last year already.
what you said really hit home for me, I couldn't figure out that last part, and I think you nailed it on the head.! Not knowing the cause has torn me to pieces, and I do constantly feel like it will never happen again for me. I really hope this baby is nice and healthy this time. I'm 4w 1d.
I did love that baby very much, and he will forever be in my heart.

[specialmom]

MissmyAngel, I am so sorry for your loss.  It does indeed sound like you are still grieving.  Your mind is trying to work out the pain of your miscarriage and perhaps not knowing what your Grandma was going to tell you has to do with not knowing what is going to happen and that desperate feeling to figure it out.  Is there any way you can see a therapist for your depression?  I think it would really help on many levels.  A therapist may have some suggestions on how to continue your grieving process, how to cope with the loss, how to overcome depression.  By doing all of this, it helps you feel better and feeling better emotionally helps conception.  You will have another baby, I just know it.  And you are going to be a wonderful mother as you loved your first child so much and are still mothering him/her in your sleep.  I'll say a prayer for you.  But please consider a therapist to talk about your depression/blues to help you feel better.  Best wishes, peace and comfort.  

[MissmyAngel]

idk why, but this post keeps saying I just posted it, and that was almost a month ago