Advanced Alzheimer's & dementia, broken leg, chokes on food, fluid in lungs.

[Nansea59]

my mom is 93. she has advanced Alzheimer's and dementia.  recently she broke her rt femer. now rehabbing in a facility.  I don't think she even knows she broke her leg, had surgery and what's happening around her.   now she can't eat.  she chokes on food, can't swallow and it sounds like her lungs have fluid.  she can't cough up anything; too weak.  her doctor, not a geriatric physician just shrugs his shoulders as if to say ...she's just going to die.  what do I do? what should I do?  Is this the beginning of the end?   please, can someone help me understand what's happening? or what I can expect to happen?  worse, the people at the facility don't seem to want to "deal" with her.  She's loud and combative :(
thank you for your time.  I hope for some answer(s).  Nansea

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Prayers are with her and you and rest of family as ya take her to the end of her journey, hold her hand talk to her, l et her know ya are there for her, love her every min, even take pictures if you can of ya with her,  

Make memories that you will remember before you can't

I know how hard it is to watch your love one pass.

Even when she no longer talks she can hear you, let her know your there

Thinking of her and you ........Heart

[rumpled]

The tubes are controversial. It can be a major surgery and it can be complex to keep them up at home, as well as the impaired patient, well, does not understand and actually will pull it out and can require even more surgery!

Make sure you take care to take care of yourself as well during this trying time. Hospice also should offer you services that will help support you as well.

Take time to have last visits, quiet time, music, and bring in close friends (although it may be nicer just to remember her as she was, not like this so don't feel bad) and do talk to her - she can hear!

[Nansea59]

thank you again Rumpled...  we were given an option to put a feeding tube into her stomach and when her days run out, send her home.  Pretty much the same as life support.  We became concerned about the stomach tube, one more thing that needs to be kept clean, watch out for infections, etc.  We decided against the tube.  We talked to a few hospice places and it's the general consensus to return her to her home, with hospice and die with dignity.  Hospice explained they would come every other day to check on her, keep her hydrated and proper supplements through IVs but most important they will keep her comfortable with necessary medications.  And then it's in the hands of our Higher Power.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and time with me. It is comforting to be able to reach out and get a compassionate response.
Warm regards,
nansea

[Nansea59]

thank you heartflutters...  we were given an option to put a feeding tube into her stomach and sending her home.  Pretty much the same as life support.  We became concerned about the stomach tube, one more thing that needs to be kept clean, watch out for infections, etc.  We decided against the tube.  We talked to a few hospice places and it's the general consensus to return her to her home, with hospice and die with dignity.  Hospice explained they would come every other day to check on her, keep her hydrated and proper supplements through IVs but most important they will keep her comfortable with necessary medications.  And then it's in the hands of our Higher Power.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and time with me. It is comforting to be able to reach out and get a compassionate response.
Warm regards,
nansea

[rumpled]

I would contact hospice now. They can help arrange the bed and oxygen and other things that you are going to need at home. They can also evaluate the home and make suggestions for how to arrange things to make things safer.

Heart is right - make sure you go for all the medications. It is not hurting her now. We had that situation with my aunt where one son objected and my aunt died in so much pain for his decision. Hopefully her POA (power of attorney) is only one person and not a group, as it makes things so much smoother at the end.

It is never easy - all you can do is try to make it as pain free as you can.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Hi, hope is better as far as knowing what ya are doing,

Hospic is a good place to start, they will bathe her and check her health, but other than that in Ga they are only there a short time a few days a week

The caretaker just needs to love her and make sure she gets her meds and knows she's ok

We knew nothing either about dying, but we took mom to the end, we did learn a few good pointers like

If your mom is on any kind of anxiety meds plz keep giving even when she no longer awake, they still need it and it helps her out a lot, we put in water mom took Ativan and put in mouth she let it drain down and it keep her unnerves

Don't be scard to give meds, at that point it won't hurt her and she needs them to move on to her new home

My heart hurts for ya, it's not easy watching this happen but stay stronge she needs ya now more ths never, each day talk to her let her know ya are there and she's ok

[Nansea59]

Rumpled;  thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond.  I appreciate your compassion and care.
One of our family members/caretaker have been to the facility as much as we can to do exactly as you suggested.  We are more concerned with the fact that Mom is scheduled to be released from the nursing home soon, next week.  Her insurance only covers 20 days and we cannot afford to pay the range of $6k to $12k a month.  She will be going back home.  
We have had a live in caretaker for her for the past few years, but she is not experienced in this advanced disease and what to expect next.
We have decided, when she gets home, to call in a hospice to do a "reality check" with the family.  
I am wondering how the process might go...  
Again, thank you for taking time out of your day to share it with me.
Warm regards,
Nansea

[Nansea59]

HeartFlutters...  thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond.  I appreciate your compassion and care.  
Mom is scheduled to be released from the nursing home, that her insurance only covers 20 days and we cannot afford to pay the range of $6k to $12k.  She will be going back home.  We have had a live in caretaker for her for the past few years, but she is not experienced in this advanced disease and what to expect next.
We have decided, when she gets home, to call in a hospice to do a "reality check" with the family.
I am wondering how the process might go...  
Again, thank you for taking time out of your day to share it with me.
Warm regards,
Nansea

[rumpled]

First of all, report the facility to the state.  Second, visit more often and make sure that you are vocal about her care. Squeeky wheels do work so complain, nicely at first, and be nice to the staff that is nice to your mom. Bring in things to help.

Get a proper doctor - usually there is a doctor assigned in the home - and make a point to find out when the doctor arrives and be there.

You cannot just have a person be in a home and not be there. You have to take an active role as well. They have only a few people per patient and when a patient is difficult, it is harder on them. So you have to do all that you can to keep the person calm and help out.

There does come a point when yes, the disease is at a point where they are near the end. But the doctor needs to be frank, not just a shrug, and let you know what to expect and what should be done to humanely and nicely do the right thing - as in call in hospice so the person can pass with medications that ease the way.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Hi I am so sorry your sweet mom is going threw this and your living it to

Wow, sad to say yes it sounds like your mom is close, is she still eating, and drinking,  


Sad to say those homes don't care, you have to take up for her she can't , make sure they are doing all they can for her even if you have to talk to a dr and see what he thinks, prayers for her and ya