My grandfather has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's or dementia this year and he's been going down hill memory wise very fast. I am 31 weeks pregnant and currently living with him and my grandmother. He is constantly fighting with my grandma because he thinks she is lying I him about him forgetting things. It's very stressful. Any advise on how to cope?
You may need to bring in supplemental caregivers to take the load off you and your grandmother. You may also want to apply for respite care and see if he can be placed in a home for a temporary time until you have your baby.
I would consult with your local Alzheimer's association on what programs are out there - it may even be day care?
My grandma isn't ready to have him out of the house she still relies on him for too much. I've tried talking to her about putting him in a home since there is one 5 houses down but she can't do things on her own she still sends him to the store. He should not be driving
The doctor needs to have a chat with your grandma. Driving is putting a lot of people at risk.
Changes are very, very difficult. I know when my MIL got dementia my FIL used to yell at her for not talking to him or being like she was. He was in total denial up until the day she died and he contributed greatly to her early death by trying to be her sole caregiver and not being a good one.
I suggest, as we did, bringing in an outside person to talk to her about the risks and what is really going on. There are also a lot of support groups. He of course would not go - but they may help you. It may happen, as almost happened with us, the state can get involved and protective services may be called by the police or neighbors. Then you have no control!
first let me say i am so sorry your going threw this added stress since your pregant, and congrats on the Baby.
wow , i understand where grandma is coming from, but it will get harder down the line , so she needs to be thinking long term care.
Driving is a no no, he could kill himself or someone elsa she needs to pull the keys, the Dr should have his licenes pulled , we had a Dr tell my father inlaw he could no longer drive was hard but we made sure there was someone always willing to take him where he wanted o go.
not sure what state your in but in GA we have hospic they come out bathe and help with them, or you can hire someone to come into the home a couple hours a day to give ya a breake.
what stage is he in?
The police took away my FIL's license. He got lost and asked a policeman for directions - he was almost in another state, in completely the opposite direction of home and could not remember his son etc. It took hours to track us down and we had to go get him. The paperwork came though immediately to suspend his license and luckily no one got hurt.
At the moment your grandmother is in denial of your grandfather's illness.
It is very difficult for a spouse to understand the illness. She will think that he is putting it on and making things awkward for her.
If you can get some free leaflets and literature that you can leave around the house, so that your grandmother can read about the illness or get in a social worker to explain to her about the illness, it may help. It will take her a long time to accept that your grandfather is not what he used to be.
When you notice your grandfather get agitated and his eyes start to look "wild", change the subject to distract him away from what is causing his outburst. People with altzheimers have a problem with communication and they exhibit forms of aggression to protect themselves.
I looked after my granny who had Altzheimers for 4 years and it affected my health. Other members of the family refused to look after her to allow me and my mother to go on holiday for a break. So granny was put into a mental hospital (for her own safety as she used to wander off), and the rest of the family then went berserk because would not accept that anything was wrong with my granny.
I have had exactly the same situation with my father and mother. My mother and my siblings initially were in denial and it has taken them a few years to come to terms that my father is now "different".
I arranged to have a "date board" to help my dad remember which day it was, because it was driving my mother wild with the incessant repetitive same questions. Each day is printed in huge letters on one page, and the page gets flicked to the next day.
The biggest problem is getting him to have a bath. The longest he went without a bath was over a year. I had to persuade him and entice him to have one. When I used to take him to podiatry, he refused to go, so I said he was going to see the nurse (or doctor) to have his cancer injection (he has to have these for his prostate cancer), so then he was happy going.
And couldn't remember after that anyway.
Hope you enjoy your pregnancy and best wishes with that.
It is a real struggle looking after a person with dementia and Altzheimers. If you can get outside help, then do not be afraid to ask for it.
Help for Alzheimers .. I just found this on line...there is hope..
REMARKABLE RECOVERIES from ALZHEIMERS Reported after Administration of Turmeric
Late last year, a remarkable study was published in the journal Ayu titiled "Effects of turmeric on Alzheimer's disease with behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia." [ii] Researchers described three patients with Alzheimer's disease whose behavioral symptoms were "improved remarkably" as a result of consuming 764 milligram of turmeric (curcumin 100 mg/day) for 12 weeks. According to the study:
"All three patients exhibited irritability, agitation, anxiety, and apathy, two patients suffer from urinary incontinence and wonderings. They were prescribed turmeric powder capsules and started recovering from these symptoms without any adverse reaction in the clinical symptom and laboratory data."
After only 3 months of treatment, both the patients' symptoms and the burden on their caregivers were significantly decreased.
The report describes the improvements thusly:
"In one case, the Mini-Mental State Examination (MMSE) score was up five points, from 12/30 to 17/30. In the other two cases, no significant change was seen in the MMSE; however, they came to recognize their family within 1 year treatment. All cases have been taking turmeric for more than 1 year, re-exacerbation of BPSD was not seen."
This study illustrates just how powerful a simple natural intervention using a time-tested culinary herb can be. Given that turmeric has been used medicinally and as a culinary ingredient for over 5,000 years in Indian culture, even attaining the status of a 'Golden Goddess,' we should not be surprised at this result. Indeed, epidemiological studies of Indian populations reveal that they have a remarkably lower prevalence of Alzheimer's disease relative to Western nations,  and this is true for both rural and more "Westernized" urban areas of India.
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