HELP!!!

[PedroH]

Hi.once again! I am going crazy dealing with my grandmother who has some form of dementia. She has been telling stories that are way out there & while I realize this is part of the disease I am trying to keep these stories under control so she doesn't tell them to other people.She is 87 yrs. old & refuses to have anyone live with her or to go into a home.She feels that there is nothing wrong with her even though home care comes in daily to give her Aricept-that is the norm to her.She doesn't bath,although she swears up and down she does & just her overall ability to take care of herself is gone.I have power of attorney & take care  of her bills, grocery shopping & such but on occasion she goes to the bank by taxi or whoever will take her & takes out stupid amounts of money which slowly disappears & then she tells others that I am stealing money from her. I'm sorry that this is all over the place but I am just about at whits end & I don't know what else to do or where or how to do it.Does anyone have any suggestions? Does it HAVE to go before the courts to be able to do anything?  Thanks for reading my rambelings & your time!     "P"

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

hey, Girl, wanted to check in its been a long weekend, took my mom to dr today shes still wearing the cath and still not walking, its so hard to see her that way. but she seems ok with not walking , we are there for her every need so why should she walk . right.

Please dont feel guilty , the feelings are normal and you will go throught many more. she is your Nana just a little different.  i watch my mom try and get her words out and i see in  her eyes she wants to tell me something so bad but just cant, thats my mom trying, other times i look at her and shes not my mom at all BUT i know my mom is in there and i want to love that person thats in front of me so my mom can feel the love inside,

i have cried many tears and i know theres more to come, as each day my mom is more not her self, but i LOVE that lady sitting there no matter how she looks or acts. your in my prayers . and so is your sweet Nana, HUG her tight get all you can get on her good days stories, of anything she wants to tell you . keep them in your mind and heart because one day you will be happy you did.. hugs your way

I know you LOVE your Nana and its so hard to see her that way and for her act like she does but remember its not her its the curel Diease that has taken over her and shes inside still the same nana you always loved.

[PedroH]

Hi,Barbara! How's your mom doing?  How are you doing? Geez,like dementia isn't enough -a UTI. I'm always nervous about my Nana getting some sort of infection as her baths are so few and far between.    I feel so bad because unlike you, I can't see ANYTHING in Nana that is her.I keep telling myself that I'm protecting myself but I just don't know. I have done my mourning for her already & while I do love the lady that I help, it isn't the same love I had for Nana. I have alot of guilt over my feelings but I can't help the way I feel. This is just such a cruel disease!  I hope you and yours are doing well & had a good long weekend. you are in my thoughts! :)    "P"

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

ran out space lol.   but anyways its so hard and yes very hard when mom but i know hard on you as well.
you know we all have thoses feelings your not by self there are times i think about my like and see it passing before me , but i know my mom would do same for me and she gave up 18 years with me so i will be there for her till the end.

yes mom is not mom thats whats so sad, shes almost a stranger to me to, but i know somewhere inside  is the woman who gave birth to me / raised me and made sure i was looked after and safe. thats what i will do now for my mom.
its not easy hang in there . prayers for you and yours. Barbara

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Thank you for the prayers i belive in them, and i agree with you on being able to talk to someone whos in the same boat. its not that you are happy they are but that you can talk to someone who knows where your at,

we spent all day sunday in the ER with mom. she has yet another U.T.I  and its knocked her offher feet again. she not walking good at all and its so hard to do anything with her . like potty/bath wow its really hard . she goes back to dr thursday because she has a cath in her right now hoping to get rid of the infection.

my mom is doing a few new things , last two days after she eats she trys to make herself throw -up  not sure what that is all about but so scarey and the more we tell her to not put fingers down  she keeps doing it , plus she just sits and crys a lot now . so sad i just sit cry with her sometimes, shes so scared and says shes dying i keep telling her shes not.

[PedroH]

Hi Barbara! Once again,thank you so much for your kind words and prayers-Know you have been in mine as well!- I know it is somewhat sick to say but, somehow it takes a bit of a load off knowing someone is in the same boat with me. I guess like the saying goes ;"misery loves company" In saying that I am also so sad for you, I can't imagine if I was dealing with my mother & this terrible disease don't get me wrong, I love my Nana but my mom raised me-my whole life is wrapped up in her & yet you don't sound bitter, or resentful. I get so resentful at times & feel terrible for feeling that way but it's like I'm taking care of a complete stranger.It isn't Nana anymore-there is nothing left of her & I think thats why I get mad.I don't know Barbara,this is a learning process.I always try to find silver linings but this is a hard one-maybe someday I can help someone else?   Anyway, you take care & stay in touch. God bless you & your family!  "P"

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Goodmorning today is a new day so i pray your day is great.  i have my mom today as my dad is working. at 6am i had her up and in bathroom cleaning her an putting her on dry clothes. its a job for sure . but as i look at my moms face i know this person she is now is not her and it makes me very sad.

my mom is getting very hard to deal with most days . right now shes back a sleep but when she wakes up we are up and running, she does not walk good and falls a lot trying to get her to use her walker all day but wow what a job. am all the time telling her to use it and she forgets it .

my mom is now in stage where she crys for no reason. itsa such a sad time and shes never happy anymore, always scared and depressed. which makes it hard on me and my 77 year old dad.

there will come a time when your grandmother will not remember anything and it will be easy to get her help but like you right now my mom knows on and off that shes still here so hard to get to much help and if they come to bathe her she tells them to leave so i feel bad for them.

good on you putting money into another acc, smart move that way you can take care of her needs and not have to worry about her giving or someone taking it from her.

am always here if you want to talk. its a bad thing to be going throught so we all need a place to vent and share .

sorry about your leg that has to be so hard to try and take care of grandma and walk. i hope you get well fast.

prayers are always there for you , i think about you in day and say a prayer i to know how hard it is and i pray for peace for you and that your life can be as calm as it can be in this time. and plz eat and rest , take care of yourself very inportant. talk soon Barbara

[PedroH]

Hi,Barbara! Thanks for your response.  First of all,I should have told you that we live in Canada & evidently a power of att.must be different here.All it does is ables me to do the same things my grandmother is allowed to do like sign any legal documents,do banking things etc... My reference to going to court is that I could go before the courts and get her declared incapable of taking care of herself.The Dr. isn't much help at all-he is if the opionion that if I wait long enough eventually she won't know where I put her.& yes,I could have Home Care come in and do alot of things but my grandmother refuses-even them coming in to give her meds was an absolute fight for a couple of months.I am somewhat disabled dealing with a broken leg that went wrong & probably am looking at a 4th surgery but my grandmothers thought is that I have nothing else to do since my kids are 18&20 & I don't work-so, while she refuses to allow me to bathe her I go over to wash&set  her hair & keep the filth in her condo to a minimum. My grandmother has always been a independant woman who relied on no one ever-she raised my mom by herself in the days that it wasn't heard of-she got an educatiion worked hard so that they could have a comfortable life & actually ended up quite well off.In the last several years she mortgaged her condo & by the time I took over her finances she had NO money in her account. I have no idea who she gave the money to but have been able to build up her bank account quite a bit.I opened another bank account @ another institution (that she doesnt know about)& have kept the bigger part of her money in there but I can't wipe out the account that she has access to.  While people know that there is something wrong with her she fakes it pretty well therefore no one is too alarmed.Even her own sister(who I suspect of taking her money)believes whatever outlandish story she comes up with,including that I take her money. My Mom is a great support but lives in theU.S. so is limited to what she can do & quite honestly I don't tell her everything so I don't upset her as she feels so guilty that I am having to deal w/this.She comes here for a month but my Dad is aged &not well either. I am so sorry for rambeling I just feel so trapped sometimes & don't want to always be a "DOWNER" to everyone around me! Lucky you! Ha!  Thanks for taking the time with me-wish I could give you a hug of appreciation.& thanks for your prayers as well you don't know how much this means to me. If I can be a sounding board at anytime I'm here as well.  Take Care!    "P"

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

wow , so sad your going throught this. you say you have power of att. than sounds like you need to take a few steps if you can.

first what does her dr say, does he think shes able to live byself. it sounds to me like shes not.

i know it wouldbe very hard on you to put her whereshe can be watched but it looks like its all up to you and you may have to for her saftey.

does home care also give her bathes?  they come to our home twice a week and give my mom a bath, they do excerise with her 3 times a week and the nurse comes at least once if not twice a week.

you know my mom can tell some real good stories to, we have to learn to pick our battles as far as that goes,  it hurts you bad i know am there now with my mom, but we have to remember that they are not their self anymore , what they do and tell is not them andafter they do/tell it they dont remember it anymore .   so try and not get so up-set what she says and as far as others knowing what she says well if they know her they will understand what she has, you can talk to them. if they dont know her than dont worry about it, you can not try and let all know your not doing what shes saying, you know what you do and thats all that matters.

what are you talking about courts?  as far as the bank i think since you have power over that you can tell them that no money can go out of that bank unless you approve it. talk to them and see what form you need to fill out.  prayers are your days will get better . hang in there and stay in touch. Barbara