Mom with Alzheimers

My mother is 93 and she is in a nursing home..has been for a year. Anyhow she has Alz, in May she was walking up and down the halls, talking and eating well...Now she is in a wheelchair, says very little, not even a smile, and barely eats at all..Maybe a bite or two per meal if that. I have never dealt with this..they say she is in her final stages. What should I expect next. This is awful watching your parent with this disease.


thank you for any advice.

[scotty2]

I just lost my mom to Alz last month.  She was almost 92.  Same scenerio - in May she was also walking, talking and eating and was in an assisted living dementia unit.  About a month later she started with behavior problems (although not all Alz patients develop such problems), she also started having falls.  Don't know if the falls were related to the change in medication (to help the behavior issues) or if it was just part of the decline.  She was moved to the skilled nursing dementia unit (in the same facility) and although she still tried to walk she eventually was confined to a wheelchair.  As the months passed there was a noticable worsening in her condition. She all but stopped eating and went from 115 lbs to 89 lbs.  The nursing home suggested hospice but I couldn't agree to it - felt like I was "giving up" on her. She started eating again so I had a breath of relief but within a month she was back to not eating.  She also was very unresponsive.  She developed pneumonia and at the nursing homes urging at that time I agreed to hospice.  She passed within a weeks time.  She did not suffer.  
It is such a heartbreaking disease - There were times when I would go to visit her and just couldn't bring myself to go in.  When I was there she did not know who I was.   I imagine you are dealing with the same.
When my Mom passed, of course I was sad, but I was also relieved that it was over -  for her.  She is now free.  I no longer have to watch her waste away and I can put that out of my mind and remember her as she would want to be remembered - as a vibrant, happy, and giving person.
Good luck -

[Vickangl4]

I first want you to know how sorry I am for the loss of your Mother, My heart goes out to you, and your family. The last time I visited my Mom (few days ago) I caught myself telling myself I can't take this anymore, watching my Mom with this disease. She no longer knows me or anything, and is so frail it hurts to see her this way. And there is a part of me that knows when she does pass, she will be free, but still its hard to let go. I have no idea if she hurts, or is in any kind of pain. She has always been a very happy, healthy woman, always working in the yard planting flowers, or out in the garden. Now she just sits in a wheelchair, unaware of where she is, or who anyone around her is. I am not sure what the next step will be, like you said its hard to go in sometimes when you get to the nursing home, cause you never know what you are gonna run into next.

Thank you for your kindness and God Bless you and your family

[scotty2]

Thank you.  I had many talks with the nurses there.  They told me that my mom was not in any pain and that in their own way alzheimer patients are happy - they don't know any better now.  I grew quite close to one nurse in particular - she set me at ease.  She explained that the "visits" are not really for the patient, but rather for the person visiting.  She had told me that she understood if I did not want to visit as often and that I could simply call to check up on my mom.  Of course they would call me if there was a change that I needed to be made aware of.  So the days when I got there and couldn't go in, or the days when my mom was sleeping and I would just leave, I didn't carry any guilt.  My mom would not have wanted that for me.  More than likely they may suggest hospice.  Being around alzheimer patients they know when the time is drawing near.  Look at hospice as a way to make your mom as comfortable as possible in her final days.  That is really what it is all about.  Keep the "good" pictures in your mind.  When my mom passed it was Xmas Eve in the afternoon.  My mother directed the church choir for almost 40 years, so I told myself that she "chose" that day so she could sing in the Heavenly Choir that evening.  You said your mom enjoyed the outdoors and gardening.  If you haven't already maybe a nice brightly colored plant in her room would somehow be appreciated - Be strong - take care - I will check this forum if you ever need to just talk.

[Vickangl4]

I never thought in all my days I would be sitting at a computer with tears rolling down my face and I read the heart felt letters you two have written..its so nice to have found this site and to have someone know how it feels and to talk to about it..Thank you both so very much for your concern and your prayers. If all the world could have such big hearts as the both of yours.

Scotty2...your Mother sounds like a wonderful woman, and I am sure she was is very proud of you, I say is..because I believe God gives us all angels to watch over us, and its most likely the loved ones we have lost here on earth. Thank you Scotty2, for being the kind concerned person you are and for sharing with me about your mom. I appreciate all the concern and the prayers. Its a very hard road to follow, watching your Mother become someone you have never known before. My heart breaks just to see mine sitting in a wheelchair with no smile, no conversation. unaware of her surroundings.

And Chloe802
Thank you also for your warm hearted advice. I to was a CNA for 12 years years ago and I loved every minute of it. I loved the people and the job. We had many with Alz. but now I see the difference when I never knew these people before they had Alz. But my heart went out to them the same. Only this is my Mother, I remember lots of things before she ever got Alz, and those memories I hold on to dearly. I am not sure what is down the road...but I do know its not going to get any better. I am just thankful that God touched the two of you Scotty2 and Chloe802, and brought you here to this site. And one thing I almost forgot to tell you both...Mom always loved flowers, and I have sent flowers and took flowers to her many times while she has been in the nursing home..and each and every time she gives them away to the nurses or anyone that comes in her room..I thought that was funny but nice of her at the same time.
I will keep in touch with both of you if thats okay.. I truley appreciate your warmth and kindness.. God Bless you both!!!!!

[nervous15]

Wow I realy know what youare going through.  My queen (mom) went through this disease.  The stages you mentioned are all to familiar to me. In my opinion it is the most debilitating, cruel disease there is actually.  

My mom lived her life as a very alert, bright, vibrant woman, able to calculate a list of numbers in her head without the use of pen or paper....until that is she was dx with early onset of dementia and alzheimer's disease in her mid to late 70's.  The disease was slowly progressive and by the time mom was in her early 80's, her life as she knew it was being stripped from her.  Mom lived in California near my brother, however, she could not live with him so I sent for her to return to her homeland Chicago.  Mom lived with me for a couple of years, and due to me being alone with no other support, and having to work, I employed nuses to come in and care for her during the day while I was at work.  Mom, when the nurses weren't there would get scared that the t.v. was to loud and she would be found walking outside by my neighbors.  GOD I almost feel like crying right now to remember this diseases cruelty and how complications from this disease, and poor care from a nursing home took the life of my mom.  I got scared and knowing better placed my queen in a nursing facility.  I know how Chicago nursing homes are (terrible to say the least), however I had no other choice, ( but feel extremely guilty for doing it) but to place her there.  I figured that since I would be there every day, I could keep an open eye on her care.....ya right!!!  What a fool I was.  Needless to say lotz of NH problems, so I transferred mom to another christian nursing facility.   It was ok for a while, however when mom started to decinegrate so did the level of care......(10-12 patient per CNA)  I was totally instumental in keeping on the staff for moms care.  I was there almost every single day, sometimes night.  At the end mom stopped eating, was wheelchair bound, no communication, and finally sleeping all of the time.  I went through that whole hospice thing, on and off.  What a terrible decision to make.  Finally mom was placed on hospice for the last time.  I watched my queen die in front of my eyes...slowly, everyday...  She was bed ridden and aquired large bed soars, OMG they were terrible.  I fought with staff to help her...to no avail.   At the end of my moms life, I left from working 3-11 to sleep in a chair by my mom side until 5 or 6 in the morning.  Left the nursing home, went to my home to get a little sleep, then returned to the nursing home before work to try and feed her with a syringe and a solution I made of vitamins and gatoraide.  I continued that regime for about a month and in NOV 2005, while observing the physiological changes in my queen, she passed away as I held her in my arms.   How appropriate, when I came into this world she held me in her arms, and when she left I held her in mine.  

I understand about the pain for her being over, however, my pain is just begining.  I adore my mom and struggle til today with having placed her in a nursing facility.  My mom would have NEVER placed me in harms way....What the hell is wrong with me, was I so selfish.  I suffer with the guilt.

I am so sorry for telling my whole story, but maybe through it you can see that you are not alone, and this disease is dreadful.

You and your mom are in my prayers...feel free to ask for support anytime...bigs hugs

Nervous15