Not bathing, handwashing or changing clothes

My mom refuses to bath, wash her hands, change her clothes, let me do her laundry, or change her bed linens. She also has a progressing toenail fungus that she will not let me treat. She has an established pattern of excessive daytime sleeping, but not is having extended periods of wakefulness - to the extreme of almost 24 hours at a time. She has asked me what year it is, cannot manage her finances, still insists upon driving short distances, drinks more than a 2 liter of diet pepsi per day...no other liquids, smokes up to 2 packs of cigarettes daily, picks her skin constantly. She is on the normal protocol of meds for Alzheimer's and in addition has CHF and takes meds for that condition as well. My husband and I have moved in to care for her, but it seems she may need an assisted living facility. She has flatly denied the possiblity of ever doing that and we are concerned. The list of problems is actually longer than those I have listed, any advice?

[medicmommy]

It sounds like there may be more than one thing going on with her...Get in contact with her Dr (if you haven't) and (in private) discuss your concerns about her "failure to thrive" and have her evaluated...It sounds like she may be suffering from a severe depression..You haven't said why she's on Alzheimer's meds...Is it a trial thing, or has she actually been diagnosed because of memory and behavioral issues?
Nobody wants to move away from what they know into a place where they have to live within the rules of others but, if she is becoming a danger to herself (eg, forgetting she's taken her medications, and taking extra doses, or is having frequent falls, leaving pots to boil dry or burn on the stove,etc), and needs the care working age children can't supply on a 24 hr basis, assisted care may be the answer for her...Good luck...I know there is no easy answer, but if you have her evaluated, and have a prognosis of a continually deteriorating health picture, it may be the safest thing for all of you, and the best thing to do for her care...  

[suz239]

Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers 7 years ago, ergo, she's on the Aricept.She was also admitted 5 yrs ago to the hosp for eval and observation for sucidal ideation. She takes Zoloft 50mg daily and doesn't protray sx of depression at this time. She seems to be progressing in the Alzheimers. She is exhibiting aggitation and behaves passive aggressively. I think you may have underscored our concernes that she needs assisted living. Thank you for your reply, it was quite helpful.

[medicmommy]

I know this sounds a bit heartless, but here's another thought...As far as the driving goes, is she in a community where she can drive a golf cart (something with limited range and speed) rather than a car? The reason I ask this is, it's pretty horrifying when you get that call that she's completely disoriented to where she is, and when you go to get her, she doesn't recognize you either...This happened with my Grandmother who suddenly got a whim she'd drive to the volcano (Mt St Helens) and pick out picnic spots for us kids...she got about 10 miles from home and was lost in familiar territory...Her driver's license was "pulled" after that, but it was devastating to her independence...In assisted living, there is transportation available, and needed socialization with others her age...It's not the same as living independently, but still better than dying in a preventable house fire or getting lost and not finding her for a week...
If financial means are available, perhaps a live-in (or 12 hour) aide with a visiting nurse 1-2 times per week would be a better option. The aide can drive her to where she needs, and assures she takes her medications and eats more healthy while providing 24 hr supervision, and the visiting nurse monitors her medical condition...This usually provides a lot of support to working caregivers and to the patient as well...Take care...

[tarponbound]

My mom had alzheimers.  It is very progressive and eventually you will have to consider a facility that specializes in caring for alzheimers patients.  May I suggest a book that my moms doctors told me to get and read.  The title is "The 36 Hour Day".  I think you will find it very informative.  Alzheimers is such a horrible disease.  My heart goes out to you.

[margypops]

I know how hard it is but if she could stay at home she will be Happier in her own Surroundings with her own stuff near her,has she had a sugar test as the Drinking of Colas could be indicitive of Diabetes, and I agree there could be some depression there, the picking of her skin, is her skin dry and irritating her this would make her scratch it.Could she and you afford a companion a day or 2 a week as she may have other company and that could make a change for her. Will she go out on Walks.

[kitty51]

have you had any contact with the alzhiemers association?Meds can make them tired zoloft is one them i think as your meds have different names to ours.As far as your mum mucking up her finances,do you have power of attorney so you can take over that responsibility.They refuse showers ect and even tell they had one even if they havent,they go through a disinhibition period and they just dont care,but thats the alzhiemers,verbal aggression is another one,out of character behaviour like swear being crude ect.Just try and remember your mum is still in there somewhere.I learned a lot about this disease,my grandma had it and now my mum has got the start of it,and its a heavy load to carry.In Australia there is a new skin patch that is helping people with alzhiemers,might be worth mentioning it to the doctor.If we have it here you will probably have it.Hope this has been of some help to you,and msg me whenever you like

[medicmommy]

Do you know what the name of the medication patch is? Thanks.            ~MM