Aa
in put on transition to nursing home
Im shopping for homes for mom still. No one wants her because shes only 59 and has Medicaid. I have a gut feeling that moving her into a home is going to be a rough transition and she wont want to stay. Anyone have this problem? Thanks in advance for your stories.
COMMUNITY LEADER
just want to say your a awesome loving Daughter and never feel bad for what you need to do. Mom knows in her Heart what you have and are doing for her. God Bless You
I know exactly what you mean rumpled! From people who know us and know what a change in personal circumstances we've had, we do get sympathy from people who cant believe we've kept her here so long. Its almost like we've cared even more than they would have considering the circumstances. I know mom wouldve been saying, its ok. When she first was diagnosed with the early onset, she was only 54 and she told me I dont need another baby to have to take care of. But we moved her in and here we are, 5 years later. Its really me that cant get past having her somewhere even though she may be happier there. Its such a difficult decision when you do care so much!
Thank you Mandy for your kind words. I think I read recently that caregivers for ALZ have the single most difficult occupation or task in the world. Its just terrible, but last night mom danced with my 14yo and even called her by name for the first time in years. So it made a crappy week, better.
Thank you Mandy for your kind words. I think I read recently that caregivers for ALZ have the single most difficult occupation or task in the world. Its just terrible, but last night mom danced with my 14yo and even called her by name for the first time in years. So it made a crappy week, better.
bless your heart. there are so many people who just dont seem to care for their parents. god bless you. mandy876
Thank you so much for your advice. It is so hard and it's been difficult, but I know my mom, as she was before, would not want to risk anything happening to us, or have to have us endure this part. I too feel that after a period she will enjoy a place that feels more like hers, rather than living with us. And in the past few weeks she has gotten noticeably weaker and it's difficult to get her dressed now. Plus I cant lift her or anything in my condition. I guess my hope is that she will enjoy a new place that would feel more like her space and maybe offer her some social life outside of me and the kids. Its been hard to balance all the things a young family does and be confined to a situation. I know mom would not have wanted that at all. So thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate it.
My FIL absolutely did not want to go into a home. My husband wanted to honor his wishes and we did home care as long as we could. We could not move him into our home as he was a) paranoid and accused us of stealing money (even out of closed accounts) and b) I am disabled and any illness or stress can make be severely ill up to and including death.
But there came a time when the home care was not working as the care-givers were having such a hard time and we were having a hard time and there were so many hospital, police and doctor calls that we finally had to admit him. We were scared that he would not adjust as his father has a very strong personality and with the dementia, can be a very difficult person.
The social workers advised us and helped. I hope you get a good one or two. He was admitted after a short stint in the hospital, and he was lost, but I kept visiting. He was a bit hostile and lost and it was so very hard and sad at first, but it was like a miracle, in less than 10 days, he adapted to the schedule, and slowly he started to gain weight, and like the people and have the routine.
He actually started to progress mentally, and would sit in the hall and say HI to everyone. He knew meal times and could get himself to and from the table and was able to feed himself some times (prior to this he lost that for almost a year!).
So, expect a difficult transition but hang in there. We thought we had to tell him this was home, but they told us not to and he adjusted! DO visit often and at different times. DO ask questions of the staff and make yourself known. DO show up at meal times and see how she eats and how others are treated. DO check your mom over and check there items over to make sure all is clean and well.
It is a really really difficult decision - and I feel for you. But your mom will be safe, doctors on call, and the schedule really does help many.
But there came a time when the home care was not working as the care-givers were having such a hard time and we were having a hard time and there were so many hospital, police and doctor calls that we finally had to admit him. We were scared that he would not adjust as his father has a very strong personality and with the dementia, can be a very difficult person.
The social workers advised us and helped. I hope you get a good one or two. He was admitted after a short stint in the hospital, and he was lost, but I kept visiting. He was a bit hostile and lost and it was so very hard and sad at first, but it was like a miracle, in less than 10 days, he adapted to the schedule, and slowly he started to gain weight, and like the people and have the routine.
He actually started to progress mentally, and would sit in the hall and say HI to everyone. He knew meal times and could get himself to and from the table and was able to feed himself some times (prior to this he lost that for almost a year!).
So, expect a difficult transition but hang in there. We thought we had to tell him this was home, but they told us not to and he adjusted! DO visit often and at different times. DO ask questions of the staff and make yourself known. DO show up at meal times and see how she eats and how others are treated. DO check your mom over and check there items over to make sure all is clean and well.
It is a really really difficult decision - and I feel for you. But your mom will be safe, doctors on call, and the schedule really does help many.
COMMUNITY LEADER
great on there being some good homes in your area. you do whats best for her and your family for sure with another little one on the way its important that you take care of yourself. I know you will make the right choice as I can read in your lines how much you love your mom and how hard this is being on you . GOD BLESS YOU .... Heart
Thanks for your responses. We do have several good interactive homes in our city and places that are highly recommended. Obviously this has been really hard on us. And for the most part, I cant find anyone my age or stage in life having the same issues. Obviously with her young age we have many problems that most people witj ALZ dont come across.
A home is the last place I want for my mom, which is why I have cared for her exclusively since 2008. Her advancement at the end here is making it too difficult, unfortunately and unsafe for both her and my family.
A home is the last place I want for my mom, which is why I have cared for her exclusively since 2008. Her advancement at the end here is making it too difficult, unfortunately and unsafe for both her and my family.
COMMUNITY LEADER
saw where you have no family, that makes it rough.
with being prego and kids it has to be really hard on you . prayers your way
with being prego and kids it has to be really hard on you . prayers your way
COMMUNITY LEADER
so sorry your having to look for a home for your mother , I know that has to be very hard, I remember I became the mother and my mother became my child. was very sad,
59 is so young to have this, so sad for her . does she understand what you say to her , does she know your looking for a home for her?
we just could not put mom in a home. we have heard so many bad things about them, so we choose to keep mom where we could make sure she was treated right . I know your doing whats best for your mom and hope that she understand that at some point.
yes as far as her not wanting to stay , I have a few friends who put their love ones in a home and they would beg and cry to go home . a few took them out but some had no choice but to leave them there . it was really hard on them and their mom/dad would be really mad at them and not talk when they went to see them. but sometimes life don't give you that choice so you have to do whats best for you .
I would try and get one really close to you, so you can drop in anytime and check on her, surprise the home so as to see whats going on while your not there . let them know she does have family who cares and will watching her close, any thing you don't feel sure of always ask so they will know your watching them and that she better be took care of.
not sure with that insurance where you can place her , I know mom had both medicare /medicaid so we had a nurse coming once a week and someone to bathe her 3 times a week.
prayers are with you as you go on this journey with your mom. hope you can get her a place that takes great care of her. if all fails maybe you can get family to help you out in your home or hire someone a few hours a day. Heart
59 is so young to have this, so sad for her . does she understand what you say to her , does she know your looking for a home for her?
we just could not put mom in a home. we have heard so many bad things about them, so we choose to keep mom where we could make sure she was treated right . I know your doing whats best for your mom and hope that she understand that at some point.
yes as far as her not wanting to stay , I have a few friends who put their love ones in a home and they would beg and cry to go home . a few took them out but some had no choice but to leave them there . it was really hard on them and their mom/dad would be really mad at them and not talk when they went to see them. but sometimes life don't give you that choice so you have to do whats best for you .
I would try and get one really close to you, so you can drop in anytime and check on her, surprise the home so as to see whats going on while your not there . let them know she does have family who cares and will watching her close, any thing you don't feel sure of always ask so they will know your watching them and that she better be took care of.
not sure with that insurance where you can place her , I know mom had both medicare /medicaid so we had a nurse coming once a week and someone to bathe her 3 times a week.
prayers are with you as you go on this journey with your mom. hope you can get her a place that takes great care of her. if all fails maybe you can get family to help you out in your home or hire someone a few hours a day. Heart
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