stages 6-7

[havincinco]

Anyone else taking care of someone in the later, but still mobile stages?
My mom has EOA and is only 59. So shes super mobile but her cognition is lost. Shes constantly getting into stuff, bruising herself, flooding my bathroom and kitchen. For the last 3 days we have woken up to some sort of early morning disaster because she climbs over the babygates we've installed.  

[rumpled]

If you go to an agency, it is more expensive, but the people are supposed to be thoroughly checked out as far as backgrounds and some may be bonded (insured up to a certain amount). Ask questions as there are certifications.

If you go through a church or local people, you have to ask a lot of questions that seem uncomfortable but DO ASK! and make sure you make the calls for the references. We got several people this way and several were lovely, a few were not as useful (they did just sit around). It is a really tough job to stay awake as your mom is going to be active. Remember that it is your health and safety and your mom's health and safety at stake here. The downside to hire-your-own is that there is no back up if they get sick,  their family is sick, holidays, weekends, etc. So with an agency they can send someone else as they have a contract. You do pay less but you do have more coverage risk. We found that both my MIL and FIL tended to attach to one person and did not want to cooperate with other care-givers so I hope you don't have that issue as people have to go home!

I would take any jewelry etc. and lock up in a secure place no matter what. Your mom may get at it as well and hide things.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

No, these people are trained for this or you should check them out well before they come into your home, we got ladies from friends we knew or from someone that knew them or had used them , check around there are so many great people out there needing a job that are good people, check at your church, even her drs might have leads or neighbors .

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Great ideal, that will give you a little time to, I agree on having someone come into your home, mom will still be in her safe place and not be more confused, prayers that goes good for all of ya

[havincinco]

Oops...posted too soon. Im not terribly comfortable having someone in my house while im sleeping though. Plus they'd have to just hang out while we all sleep....is that weird?

[havincinco]

Good evening! Well we went from one horrible week, to a decent one. Such is the disease, right? We are still doing the home searching and have a new list to go through tomorrow. If nothing promising comes from tomorrows calls, im going to look into someone to come over in the evening- morning. That way someone can be here for her wandering in the night and help me with bathing her in the morning. With those 2 issues gone I think I can still function.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Hi, was checking in to see how things are going with mom and if you have got ton any outside help with her.

Hope you are getting rest when you can and having time for yourself, Blessings your way....... heart

[havincinco]

Thanks rumpled. Yes, I talk to the admimistator and the ladies at the day care who are excellent with trying to help. For the most part they were able to give me a "don't go here" list, which I was super thankful for in not wasting my time. I think I solved the babygate issue, which was to put a second gate over the first. She doesnt sleep in her bedroom anymore because its in the basement (we'd had a suite built several years ago) but now it scares her. And to be honest it feels really far away if she has a problem. So now shes in the tv room with a dresser and bed.
The doubled baby gate has appeared to help at least keep her from wreaking havoc elsewhere and we can sleep. Thank God! But today, I did find a piece of poo in her dresser.....oh well. That I can handle.

[rumpled]

Is there a social worker at the day care center? They may be able to help you with some resources or point you to some others that can get to a medicaid center. I know it is tough - we had to find a medicaid place that was decent and it took a LOT of looking. The places my in-laws were in for rehab were awful and we spent a long time researching until we found a small place that took my FIL in full time.

The ups and downs are very wearing. You just don't know if it is going to be an okay day or way more stress.  

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

wow not easy to take care of mom and have a child and be carrying another one. GOD Bless you .

first , yes shes like a child and the house needs to be child proof. she does not know what shes doing so this can make for a mess. and she can hurt her self.

when my mom was walking and into stuff we found out the safe way to sleep better at night was to put a screen door up on her room door and have a latch on out side where she could not get out. its better than a baby gate that as you see she can climb over .

you have to learn the little tricks that helps you and keeps her safe.

always here to talk......  Heart

[havincinco]

Thanks. And yes, she attends an adult day care twice a week. Im afraid to take her this week since she has a bruise on her upper thigh where she climbed over the gate. Pain doesnt seem to deter her determination to get into the kitchen at 4am. We have alarms on doors and knobs on handles. But the extra tall baby gate thing is baffling to resolve. She is on a waiting list for what looks like a good home, but is Medicaid approved and has no other resources since previously an ex of hers bled her dry, essentially. Im jyst trying to be patient and salvage my house and sanity, but as she plateaus and sinks again, we deal and adjust, but now I feel like we are at the end of dealing. I tried to find respite care, just for a break, but I cant afford the $200/day and most places have ended accepting Medicaid for respite because it is a reimbursement plan, and so few places actually get reimbursed in a timely fashion.
Plus there are soooo few EOA cases, it's hard to find local sympathizers, since most caregivers in a similar situation are 40-50+.
anyway, thanks for responding. Alz is the worst.

[TheLightSeeker]

Hi havincinco.

It is an extremely taxing situation for you and your family.
Please consider contacting your local alzheimer's society chapter
to get information for resources available to you, to help you and your mom.
There are usually community support services available for situations like yours.
As a caregiver, with children and being pregnant, it is very important to
avoid  prolonged stressful situations, as the risk for complications with your pregnancy and miscarriage, increase dramamtically with stress.

I'm not able to offer you specific information,as I live in Canada and I don't know where you live (regarding local resources and support services) but please make inquiries on your own asap!

And for the time being Alzheimer-Proof your home as much as possible,
for the safety and well-being of all.

Wishing you and your family well.
Niko

[rumpled]

I would get a consult from an expert on how to "dementia-proof" your home. Your state or county agency may be able to refer you to someone to help you.

You may have to consider getting 24 hour care in the home. We used to have an active person at night and you need your sleep. So let someone else take that shift.

You may have to consider either temporary *respite care* at a local home, or even placing her is a nice home in permanent care. While I know this sounds awful to most, as long as you find a nice home, it is a good option. This way there is 24 hour care 7 days a week. Doctors come to her. Church comes to her. She will be on a strict schedule which helps people with dementia. They have way more tools at hand for protection that you don't have and cannot have at home. They have alarms, special toilets, special baths, special beds, etc.  They also have activities of some sort, music and people around. Just do check out each place carefully and visit often.

For instance, my father in law very much wanted to stay at home, when we moved him into a home, he was upset at first but then became less anxious as he realized he had more care than at home and it made him happier. He had more people around him and he became more social and was happier.

It is rough!  She does not know what she is doing and she can hurt herself!

[havincinco]

Oh....and I'm only 34 with kids and 6 months pregnant today- no siblings or family to help. Sounds like a pity story, but this rough stretch here has really stressed me out. Shes been living with us since 2008, but the last few months have been terribly frustrating.