Good morning or evening or day or night or afternoon guys and whassup. I have been really pissed off at something some of my friends have been saying to me lately. They have been hurting and when I try to help, I get carried away sometimes and that could land me in all sorts of monumental and extremely frustrating ****.
They know I want to help people when they are hurting and they know I get carried away but they also know I am rather annoying when I get carried away. So they say stuff like:
"I know you're a really caring and good friend but please don't act like you know me."
Which made no sense to me at the time, cause it was so oxymoronic, but now I am starting to understand what they mean.
Anyway, when I was still angry at them and I though they were still angry at me, whenever I got near them, I would rush up. You know, adrenaline, churny stomach, sweaty palms, shaking, rigid movements etc.
I don't want to have to avoid people when they are giving.me the ***** but maybe sometimes I have to. That's probably why I nearly died when I lost my friend because I was trying to apologise and hanging out with our mates, I wasn't pulling myself out of the situation.
But is there a better way of anger management than just walking away. You don't want to have to walk away forever and sometimes walking away is simply not possible.
So just some methods of anger management please. Other than exclusion. Thank you.
I'm not so sure how to address the above post, Hamed. One thing I've learned about help is, people have to want help in order to get help. Trying to push help on someone who is unwilling is likely to elicit a response like the one above that pissed you off.
Everyone is different. Some want a friend to talk to in a time of need. Some want to throw a fit and rant in difficult times. Some people want a shoulder to cry on. Some want to be alone and try to sort things out on their own.... but if any of us try to intervene, a negative response is potentially likely.
Wanting to help is a good thing, but you cannot save the world, man. Again, people have to want help and when we rush blindly in and try to save the world, there is bound to be a let down. You have to take yourself out of the equation. YOU are not the friend in need, they are. THEY have to want the help you can offer. YOU getting mad because they are mad and don't seem to want your help is unnecessary. In essence, you're mad because a friend is mad at you because they don't want your help..... needless.
Your approach.... that's what needs work. Perhaps something like, "you look as if you are having a tough go. I'm here if you want to vent or talk about it" and either allow them space or they will engage you. That makes you available but removes you at the same time.
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