Just identifying that this is the problem is very helpful to you, because you can see that the anger is the problem, you are not the problem. In other words, it is separate from who you are. Sometimes people who are under a lot of other stress take out their anger at the other problems on their family. It's not right and not fair, but it does happen. Whenever my husband is worried about money (and therefore worried deep in his heart about our existence), he comes home and scolds and complains about things like whether the cat has made footprints on the floor, or whether our son has spilled something. Then the opposite is true ... if he is not worried about money and feeling pretty positive about things, the cat can walk in with mudballs on his feet and my son can spill a whole bowl of cereal, and my husband just helps clean it up. It's truly not fair because he would never agree that he is transferring his worry into anger about petty things, but that is indeed what is happening.
Is there any help for you and your mom along the lines of counseling? Or just help with the bigger problems of life? If you are under 13, you shouldn't have to shoulder your mom's burdens, but maybe sometime you could just ask her about them. Don't fall into the trap of trying to solve them (it is not a child's job), but sometimes just asking and being there to hear, is really helpful to the adult trying to sort out life's burdens. No parent wants to dump grown-up problems all over their kid, but everyone likes someone to talk to about what is worrying them. If you don't think she will talk to you (or don't want to hear it, and please don't think you should have to if her worries are deep), maybe you could suggest she see her friend who lives next door for a cup of coffee, sometime. Don't worry, if she does get a little down time with a buddy she will talk about her problem with the friend.
I'm sorry this is not more helpful. If you guys have the resources, a counselor would be very helpful. Maybe you could check at school and see if someone is available to kids who go there, and your mom could come too.
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