I adore my husband..he's the greatest guy in the world but he doesn't believe that we should ever have an argument, and when we do, about once a year, he gets over-the-top angry and stays mad for days. That makes me feel like he doesn't really love me. He refuses to see a therapist...says he knows how he is and that I need to just wait until he's over it. I'm the type who can go from zero to angry to zero again in five minutes and his silent treatment is making me burn holes in my stomach.
In writing this, I know what I need to do. I need to see a counselor...if he won't go with me, I'll go by myself.
Honestly, he should go too. He has some issues he needs to deal with and he needs to realize that you cannot put life on hold until "he gets over it." He can't toy with your emotions like that, and he needs to know that.
Not arguing? Sooner or later, an argument is going to happen and its how we deal with that argument that makes the difference. Trying to "get over it" is not dealing with it, it is letting it cool off.
I read something a while ago called "Fighting Fair". It is basically an outline to having healthy discussions about the things that can go wrong in our lives.
Seeing a therapist for you, I think, is essential. Perhaps, if you can get him to go with you for "your issues" and can discuss them with a therapist, it might break the ice??? Maybe???
I too think that you must go to a therapist and invite him in with you, to help you. Perhaps his love for you will ease him into counselling. I'm afraid if he refuses counselling this early in the relationship is a very bad sign, and that you deserve a partner that you do not have to walk on egg shells with. You should not have to fear working on a better relationship. It is not normal that you cannot have an argument that you can both get beyond by the end of the day. You need to get him help , if he refuses to go into a therapists office with you, maybe you then give him a choice. As your relationship there will be many things that you may not immediately agree upon, how are you going to handle them if he refuses to seek help? This will only get worse if not dealt with now. This is a deal breaker in a relationship. You need to be able to trust that your partner is a reasonable man. You deserve a reasonable man in your life . You should not need to compromise on this subject. It's not healthy for you. It's ridiculous. If you have a toothache you see a dentist, if you have emotional problems you see a psychologist. You can do the leg work, you can find the "Right" therapist for you. You can google Anger management and learn yourself what is the most positive way of expressing anger. And then, you can expect him to do what it takes to better your relationship. Certainly, you deserve the best that he is capable of and raising the bar is going to give you some resistance. But , it's not over until you say it's over. Keep working on these essential relationship expectations and Best wishes to you on this broken road. God Bless.
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