I have serious control problems. It isn't that I like to be in charge all the time, rather that I cant stand having someone else in control. I like to be equals with people. I realize that this is a problem, because when I go to work, I might have problems with my boss. It doesn't seem to be as prominent with distant people, though, like teachers, so I don't think it will affect my work life negatively. What I hate is parental control. My mother is lax, but I can't even stand the suggestion of a rule, or of an order.
When I was little, I found a parenting book my mother had. I didn't like the aspect of being controlled even then, so I ripped the pages out and scribbled all over it.
I know I need to get over this. I have four years until I'm eighteen, and I cant live through them in fury. I never blow up, or yell at people, I'm more like a ticking time bomb that never has a chance to go off. Yesterday, I was going somewhere with my friend's father. He's extremely uptight, and wouldn't allow us to walk around a street mall, saying things like "Do you read the newspaper? Have you heard of the horrible things that happen?!"
Right, because we're stupid enough to be lured into a dark corner. Like there aren't any witnesses. As if I'm naive enough to believe what someone tells me.
This guy is from a small town, and I see him as cowardly. My mother says that she just want's to keep me safe, and that she was sort of glad that we didn't walk around alone on a Friday afternoon, because we're inexperienced. I get this, but how am I supposed to gain any experience if I never go out to do something? It's like looking for a job, and you cant get one because you don't have any experience, and you don't have experience because you can't get a job because you don't have experience; a vicious cycle.
I try to look at the merits that my age has, but the downfalls seem so much more prominent. I hate being fourteen, it's so awkward, I just want my teen years to be over. Everything I do is attributed to an 'undeveloped brain' or 'surging hormones'. Aren't I allowed to have emotions without it being called teenage angst?
Just rereading this makes me angry. Like I said, I don't like the suggestion of any control over me. I have a very assertive personality. But I think this anger makes my mother feel like I'm pushing her away, or that I'm being rude. I don't ask to do anything, I just do it. I don't respect people because they're older; I don't like the aspect that they think they're better than me.
This was more of a rant than a question, I'm sorry. But for anyone who read this and replied, thank you.
It doesn't sound like your parents are asking anything unreasonable of you. In this day and age, it is dangerous for even two girls to walk alone. People who are going to hurt you aren't always obvious. They're smart, too, and as much as we'd all like to think we would be smart enough to see through the scam when it happens, it's not always possible. Your mother and your friend's father were just trying to protect you, not control you. There's a difference. Controlling you would be dictating your every movement. This wasn't that. This was them saying, "No, you need to be with an adult."
You still have a lot of maturing to do if this sort of thing makes you angry. There will be authority figures throughout your life you will have to live with and respect. If you don't respect them, you risk losing your job, a chance at a promotion, etc.
I'd really suggest some journaling to figure out why this all upsets you so strongly and what might help you in this sort of situation. Like, what would have made you understand better?
14 is a tough age, but as much as you'd like to think you're close to being an adult, you are still far away. Age is different from true adulthood, true maturity. Some people aren't even adults mentally until well after they're 18 physically. The journaling and working through this issue (even asking for help working through it) would put you a little ahead.
I would second the comment about people with bad intentions being able to get at teenagers whether or not the teenager is alert. Three girlfriends of mine in high school were essentially carjacked at gunpoint, and forced to drive into a remote area where the guy with the gun raped them all. They saved themselves by a subterfuge, but not until all of that trauma happened (and they could just as easily have wound up dead, as did a girl about sixty miles from here two years ago). This is not the norm of course, and it certainly wasn't the norm then, but it can happen. Young people are the favorite targets if someone has decided to commit a crime.
I remember wanting to go backpacking with my best friend in high school, at a location where my family hikes and camps often, and my mom simply would not let us do it. I think we were 17. Her comment was, "Young girls alone would be such a target!!!" I was furious, thinking of how autonomous we would feel with our own little tent and so on. Not realizing that perhaps we would have attracted attention, and someone might think it over and come back later with bad intent. Can still remember how incredulous I was that my mom felt that way, but I think she was probably right.
In the war about a teenager wanting autonomy while a parent wants to protect, all I can say is that if every adult in your life suggests that something you want to do is not safe, it is worth your consideration.
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