I was on my way home from work on the train a few days ago and there was two men sitting near me, one was playing his mp3 player on full volume right next to me (which caused me to become incredibly angry), I felt like snapping at this guy but I didn't. During this time another man got on the train and started talking loudly down his phone. I didn't want to move to another carriage because my stop was coming up, I got off at my stop and the guy who was talking on his phone got off also, I tried sort of pushing past him, (I was still fuming at this time) I wanted to antagonize him and take out my anger on him.
He was a big guy, alot bigger than me. When I walked past him he pushed me in the back and said "I will kill you" l had almost reached the stairs to turn off away from him but I turned around and swore at him again calling him horrible swear words loudly, I didn't even feel good when I said it but I couldn't control myself., As he was walking past me I pushed him from the side and he dropped his phone and it smashed into pieces., then I ran off. It looked like a cheap phone.
Ever since that incident I have had an unbearable feeling of guilt, shame and fear., Guilt and shame that I lost control and acted in such a violent and stupid way in public in front of other people and fear because I get that train route everyday from work and I am dreading seeing him again and if he recognizes me, what he might do. I used to fall asleep on the train a lot but I don't think I can do that anymore.
Don't feel guilty. You were involved in what I call "guerilla theatre". It's part of animal behavior. Sort of deep-rooted in the DNA. You might want to read the old out-of-print book titled "The Territorial Imperative".
This guy pushed you first, and I would bet everybody is guilty of losing it and yelling obscenities at least once in their life. You know, we learn lessons all our life, and I would bet, should something like this happen again, you may well choose to move away from a problem before it happens now, since you got no feeling or reward the last time. You're human, and you must forgive yourself for inevitable mistakes. The fact that you feel so badly shows that you're striving for perfection, you're striving to be your best. That's who you are, and you should be proud of that. Forgive yourself, but don't forget. Getting involved with the wrong character, who has nothing to lose, could be dangerous for you and your family. It's just not worth it. But you know that now. Good for you. Peace be with you.
The fact you felt immediately guilty after the incident is all the vindication you need. You see, you belong to a rare breed, one which yours truly have been a member of since inception. We are what my older brother likes to call “Amiables.” In short, you’re obviously a highly sensitive person with extremely heightened sensory awareness. Basically, someone who’s compassionate, empathetic and considerate.
A deeply rooted universally shared quality that all humans have is the tendency to view the rest of the world as a reflection of themselves in the mirror. In layman’s terms, we all expect to be treated by others as we treat them. If you are a scammer, you expect everyone to have the intention of scamming you; if you’re philanthropist, you expect others to possess the urge to help the needy as well, etc… You get the idea!
In your case, setting aside the every day stress factors in your life that may have contributed to putting you on edge before boarding the train, your buttons were pushed because you would never allow yourself to be so inconsiderate of others in a public environment as to blast your mp3 player at max volume or talk off the top of your voice on your phone in a packed train, completely oblivious of others around you. The concept is simply too appalling for you to even consider. So when others do it, you find yourself utterly offended and repulsed. I’m a right so far?
You should know that this guy you had this run-in with wouldn’t care if everyone on that carriage rose-up and protested his offensive behavior. You see, he is the opposite type of what you are. He is what you call a sociopath, and even a borderline psychopath. To him, neither you nor anyone else on that train exist. People for someone like that are simply props in the background of his personal epic film in which he is the hero and the only center of focus. Trust me, guys like that wouldn't (excuse my french) **** on you if your hair was on fire! So, do me and yourself a huge favor and turn your guilt for breaking his phone into a sense of great satisfaction and retribution for all of us that have suffered the offensive existence of such people. It’s only for practical purpose that I would advice you against any confrontation with such a bully, but never due to ethical and moral considerations. The tragedy lies in the situations when we unsuspectingly get involved with such people on a deep and personal level, such as falling in love or marrying someone like that. Then it’s much more complicated than simply just walking away! Speaking from experience of course.
Bullies don’t expect to be confronted. So when they are, they tend to be stumped and confused. If you run into this guy, simply show no fear. If he confronts you, Try to talk sense into him with a confident and firm voice, explaining to him that hiss behavior was unacceptable and that he instigated the problem with his utter lack of consideration and him pushing you first. If he’s seems completely unfazed and wants to further escalate the situation, try to avoid him. That doesn’t work, seek help from a law enforcement officer and a train official. YOu are in a public place after all!
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