Hello, I'm recently married and my husband 21 years old has severe mood swings and anger problems. He is aggressive and takes his anger out on his 2 yr old son. He has trouble just dealing with day to day stresses like working two jobs, having a son, and financial problems. He will go out of his way to say things to make me sad or cry. He gets enjoyment out of it. He treats his son as if hes older and expects him to know things he couldn't possibly know then gets mad when things don't go exactly his way and punishes his son for it. He frequently calls me names and tells me to leave. One minute he will be really mad and self loathing then the next he will be chipper and happy with life. I need help on how to deal with him, how to help him, and most of all how to keep his son away from his anger. He can be a really great dad but only when he feels like it. He wasn't like this when I met him but according to his mother he was like this is his last marriage and it started when his son was born. He also never believes me when I tell him I love him and doesn't believe that he satisfies me. He thinks very low of himself and doesn't understand how anyone could ever love him. He also assumes that because things went a certain way with his last marriage that they must go the same with us. She left so I must leave him eventually. She cheated so I must be cheating.. and so on. I love him dearly and want to find help for him. When hes happy or in a good mood hes amazing and I love being around him and spending time with him, but when hes down and angry he is very hard to deal with and I don't want his son taken away from him because although he may act at times like he doesn't care about him I know he would be crushed if that happened and it would make his anger problems worse. Please help!
I'm no doctor, okay... so it is best for him to go see a professional and get a correct diagnosis and then can be treated correctly. I'd guess that he has some kind of a depression disorder. His behavior and mine sound a bit similar. When he's on, he's on and when he's off, he is way off....
First off, he needs to want to get help. First he needs to realize that he has a problem. Until then, everything will probably be your fault or his sons. Is he violent towards you or his son? If so, you need to do all you can to protect yourself and the son. Secondly, this isnt something that will go away on its own. It takes 100% effort on his side. He has to follow all directions and take meds if prescribed. If he is reluctant, you need to tell him that you support him and want him better. Catch him in a good mood and bring that to his attention. Let him know that you are there to support him and will go see a therapist with him if that would help.
If he gets caught mistreating his child, or what someone could confuse as mistreating his child, he is in for a world of hurt like he's never known. DFS is aggressive and will do everything in their power to prove that he isnt a worthy father. (Speaking from experience. My youngest son had been busted smoking weed, was lying, being evasive and disresepctful and one day I had enough. I had him get out of the car and I grabbed him by the shoulders, so he would have to look me in the eyes.... I told him that the BS was gonna stop, and stop today. I went over everything that he was doing, explained why it was out of line, and told him it was over. Told him to get back in the car.... someone saw me yelling at him, called the cops and I got arrested for child abuse!!!! That will ruin a family that is too stressed.... I am fortunate that I got a real good lawyer and had some folks who knew me and the situation and that alone got me out of trouble. 4 months of hell and about $5000 bucks later, I am off the hook.)
Sounds like he really could use some therapy. I never thought I'd go, but it saved my marriage and forced me to get the help that I was reluctant to get on my own.
If he won't go to therapy, protect the child. You say he takes it out on the 2-year-old -- if you mean hitting or screaming at him, you are really going to have to do more than wring your hands. I'd be calling the police if the abuse is physical, and videotaping it if the abuse is verbal, and would contact the proper authorities. Don't stick around someone out of control, especially because the future of a small child is at stake.
He does want to go to therapy. He has agreed to go but doesn't start for another month. When he's happy he knows he has a problem but when hes mad everyone else has the problem, not him. He has never hit me or even yelled at me, he just says things that he knows will hurt my feelings and says it with such ease like he doesn't give a **** about how I feel. He will do things like call me by his ex-wife's name and tell me I'm just like her, or call me a **** or tell me I'm worthless with a smile on his face. But in a few minutes or the next day he's back to his old self again and everything is chipper. Sometimes I worry about his son, although I know he would never do anything that would seriously hurt him, he punishes him like you would a ten year old not a two year old. My mother in law steps in a lot to help a lot, but shes getting to the point where she doesn't want him alone with his son.
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