My husband, his anger & putdowns that makes me angry -
I have been with my husband for around 12 years or so. We haven't been married but about 3 years. It seems every week he gets worse and worse. He just blows up over practically NOTHING! It can be something very very small and he doesn't know how to control his anger. He is ALWAYS putting me down! He doesn't see it as that. He makes me go off too which I guess makes it worse. I am not going to take my mothers advice and just take it and not say anything back. People believe I shouldn't stand up for myself. He believes he does nothing wrong. Whatever I say he screams it so the neighbors can hear and I tell him to keep it down and he says he Doesn't Care, Let them call the cops is what he says.
I know this is a one side story, but I have to tell you I am telling you the absolute truth. No matter what I say he will call me a name and put me down. He ALWAYS thinks I am WRONG. He says I don't know what I am doing or talking about. I could say the traffic is busy out there and he starts going off on me. The problem about me leaving him, is that I honestly don't have anywhere else to go and I am too ill to leave (health problems) - I don' t have the money to leave and be on my own.
Here are some names he calls me: psycho (I am not), bi-polar (I am not, if I yell back at him or defend myself for something he does to me, he calls me that - never been diagnosed, I have anxiety though), retarded/semi retarded (that is just so wrong - I do not believe in using that word as I have handicap relatives), brainless, stupid, idiot, dumb, big (another word for butt), pig, trouble maker, stupid (another word for a female dog in heat), loser, liar, and so much more. He is always saying I do not know what I am doing and that I am NEVER right about anything. That I am a paranoid freak. He thinks he is above the law. My last relationship was full of put downs and physical abuse, I don't need this relationship to have put downs. One minute he is saying how much he loves me and the next he is doing that. In my opinion if you REALLY love someone you don't do that. You don't say that whatever comes out of that persons mouth is stupid. He doesn't know how to let anything go either.
Today, really made me mad. The windows are open and he was SCREAMING HIS WORDS as loud as can be and I told him that the new neighbors might call the police because they think there is a domestic disturbance, and he said they won't and the put downs kept coming about I don't know what I am talking about I am a paranoid freak and so much more. He always talks over me and NEVER listens to me. He knows I have issues with concentration and talking (due to actual brain issues) and I pause and he gets all angry and either goes off on me or starts acting like he is snoring. He just now started yelling at me saying he was going to disconnect the internet if I didn't let him see this. I closed the tab. I said it was about me so he wouldn't do that. When he does this stuff, I hate him. I do! I honestly have so much hatred for him. Yet I love him and if he is sick or something I worry. So how can I fix things? Just never talk to him? Maybe on one of his rants I should call the police and ask them to say it was a neighbor who called in a complaint something was going on over here? So that he understands he can have the cops called? He is the one screaming and yelling, but he said if they do come, he will put me out on the street and he makes all these threats of doing this and that to ruin my life (basically lies to hurt me). He says that they will ALWAYS believe him over me. He needs anger management, but he is driving me to needing it too. I need him to have it because honestly, he is the one to drives me to yell back and go off on him. I am so angry with him. Sometimes when he leaves I wish bad things on him, that is how bad it has gotten.
Oh and by the way he got the bipolar word from my mom. she blatenly lied and said that I was diagnosed with being bi-polar and i refuse to take my medication. She is a liar!!! I have NEVER been diagnosed with it and I'd like to know when I was supposively prescribed this medication. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My mom thinks EVERYONE has bipolar disorder. She might, but not me. She believes if someone stands up for themselves and yells back that they are bipolar. Just thinking about this makes me mad. If a person who stands up for themselves or gets angry about something that happened or sad and bawls their head off because their mother ran over their cat (yep that happened), then I guess 95 percent of the population is bipolar.
I was happiest and when I was away from my family in my early 20s when I moved out of state for 4 years. I never had any problems with people or anger. My family causes it. In this case I don't have myself to blame for my anger. I just sometimes think that ignoring it makes it worse and doesn't help, it just makes the other person think they are right and makes them sit on a higher pedastol. Oh and by the way, my husband is controlling in many ways besides the threats of he will get me in trouble for lies he is going to say. But there is the matter of our tax refund we will finally be getting. Yes we need to pay our property taxes and house payment and other bills, but he gets to control all of it and WILL NOT give me one single dime of it. If we were getting a divorce tomorrow he would say too bad, it is his. He tells me it is all his, not mine. No I am not working but if it were not for me and my son, he wouldn't be getting hardly anything at all! We are his deductions pretty much. So he is getting more with us than he would ever get by himself.
Another thing, just a short while ago, he left the basement door open (which is the way my cat got away and found his way outside). He knew he left it open and I said the cats probably got outside he screamed at me (and I am not using that lightly) and said no they didn't, they are okay. Well later couldn't find my cat. He screamed at me and told me it was ALL MY FAULT. He NEVER TAKES THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING. He screamed and yelled me again, as I was crying my head off and he was calling me a D...Baby. I said, you left the basement door open. It is your fault. He said, You did. He is the one who was going in and out of the back door all day. I never touched the basement door. HOw can he admit he did it one minute and the next he doesnt. He is always yelling at me and putting ALL blame on me. He turns everything around on me. I told him he needed anger management. He said he doesn't, that I do. What? So I do every single thing he says and he has absolute control over me? So that I keep quiet and take everything he says? If my SSD was not being garnished by the student loan co, I would save some $$ and leave. I have no way too. He just told me I was not getting a dime of the income tax money. If it were not for me and my son he'd only be getting 418 dollars. We made it wayyy over 2K. What else can I do? I am going to go crazy here. I am so done with him. If I don't say a word at all to him, he calls me stuff and says I am psycho for not talking to him. It doesn't matter what I do. It is taking a bigger toll on my health. I am never going to get better if he keeps making it worse. It stresses me out which tenses me up and makes my pain that much worse. My migraines increase and more.
I am not really afraid of him. I just can't take his screaming and yelling. He hasn't hit me yet. I do want to be able to save $ so I can move out since I doubt he will change. He doesn't care that he hurts me inside. He has no regard for my feelings.
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