Just in every day life.. If I make a statement such as That shirt is as blue as the sky. And I get a response oh yeah the sky is blue isn't it? Then I say thats not what I said. I'm wrong? Then we bicker back&forth as to what I said. That makes me wrong&i don't know what I'm talking about. Yes ok I implied that the sky was blue,but I was making a comparison to the color of the shirt. I didnt just say "The sky is blue". So this means I'm angry? Because you didn't understand the statement.
If my husband responds in a manner that indicates that he is spiritually diminished at the time, i feel sorry for him, i don't argue with him. Do you understand? If you lie down with dogs. you get fleas. If you argue with a statement that is argumentative by nature, then what do you expect as a result? An argument, right? Don't enable a poor conversation to take place by commenting on it, and continuing the stupidity. Nip it in the bud. Think to yourself, Oh, my man is in a bad mood. I'll let this one go. I'm not going to say, "Pick your battles", because you shouldn't be battling, and if you are, you're probably in the wrong relationship. You don't need to demand that you were "right" about what you said first, it's obvious that your statement was innocent, and it's just as obvious that your boyfriend is being defensive, and hard to get a long with, for SOME reason. You've mentioned that you're always serious, that you've got 5 kids, you're stressed right out, living apart from your "fiance" and you want another baby. I don't understand, I guess, why it's not evident that you and your fiance need marriage counseling before you even live together. Everyone of your posts suggest a red flag, of why not to have this relationship go on without serious support for incompatibility. There seems to be little spirituality shown by either, as a dynamic of your relationship. This is something that you can work on, but first you must stop trying to "one up" the other guy, and place blame. The fact that your looking for answers as to whose right, shows your missing the point entirely about how a good relationship is maintained. You don't fight all the time in a good relationship, and if you do ,and it matters, you fix it. IMO you should work on finding peace in your soul and be an example of that to whomever you communicate with. I know it must be hard to have 5 kids, and your looking to have another one. Does your fiance feel that he wants another one? How many kids do you both have put together? Maybe needing another child between you might be a source of this man's fear right now, and a reason why he's sabotaging the relationship?. Kid's model what they see, and this type of consistent behavior is not healthy for your kids to see, let alone plan to move in with. There seems to be a serious lack of spirituality going on in your dynamic with this man. Can you get some free counseling with a Pastor at a church somewhere? If you were both invested and serious about each other to the same extent it seems as good a place to start remodeling your selves as any. I would wish you luck, but luck has only to do with your physical health, and not even when you consider that good nutrition can save 90% of the diseases that we get from poor nutrition. I hope you work at this, and get it right, for you both, and for your kids.
What are you talking about? Believe it or not "this post" had nothing to do with my fiancé! I was just making a statement. We are doing just fine,thank you.&yes WE both want another child. And the number we have between us is not important here,being as though my tubes are tied and they chances of that happening is slim to none.
I'm sorry if i hurt your feelings, this reply took into consideration all of your posts, and i was trying to help. It's sounded to me like you and your fiance were fighting about whether the sky was blue, in this post, and then there were the others, it just sounded like maybe you needed to find some more peace in your relationship and i know that a Pastor cares about helping their congregation and it sounds like you also are religious. I'm sorry if i confused you (maybe) with my suggestions, i took the opportunity to post on this thread because it was empty, but i have taken into consideration all of your posts, and i was honestly trying to help. Again, i was trying to help suggesting spiritual counseling because your posts don't suggest that "everything is fine" and i thought you were looking for advice, and i had heard others suggest counseling, but not a Pastor, and i know 5 + kids is expensive and maybe you don't have $ right now for counseling and a Pastor could and would help for free.......... You mentioned that you were under a great deal of stress with the 5 kids (who wouldn't be right?), i guess i just wanted to suggest a Pastor right now in your life, and maybe help you to be grateful satisfied with your beautiful big family that you have now. is all, and not worry about having another baby if your tubes are tied. My husband loves my son as his own, and with the cost of university and just the cost of helping the kids we had before we met, to get these kids flying right, and help with their downpayments on homes etc, is an enormous responsibility and i just was thinking that if your already stressed out, and in your words, "you might not make it with your fiance without counseling" that there might be a way to learn to be satisfied and grateful with what you have before obessessing on more..and putting yourself under any more stress. Actually, the number of kids that we have ALWAYS MATTERS right? There's a huge sacrifice with each and every one child that we do have. Believe it or not, I care about you after reading all your posts, and i genuinely wanted to help. I'm a little older than you, and if you could take this as a little bit of constructive christian help, i think you might benefit by it. Please don't feel that you have to be defensive. I don't think my point was out of line, I was only repeating information you have provided and supplying my advice based upon my own experience raising kids. Again, please forgive me if I have hurt your feelings, truly it was not my intention.
Was not exactly offended I truely didnt understand but now I do. Yes very much stress&maybe I should seek some consuling on my own first,i was in therapy for a short time,but had to stop(my fiancé would say you can talk to me, honestly don't think he'd understand),but go again on my own, then maybe bring him & my children in. as much aa I post about him,this onw was not. But thank you.
You're SO welcome dear, thank you for listening, and hearing that i care about you.
I think it would be wonderful for you to get back into therapy, maybe even with a different psychologist, if the first one didn't give you actual tools to use to make your life better, you know? A lot of people have to try out a few psychologists before they feel that they're getting real tools to use in everyday life.
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