Trust and marriage

I have a very had time trusting anyone. My husband and i have been together for six years and married for a little over four years. I have never been albe to trust him with having a girl as a friend. Recently he hid a girl from me. He texted her called facebooked all without my knowing. Also told me twice he would stop. The third time i called the girls husband. Neither of us were happy with what has been going on.I have been digging threw everything of his as long as i can remeber. My parents got a divorce when i was ten and i have a hard time dealing with this most times. I feel this has made me angry and not able to trust anyone no matter what.Now i feel i have a reason to be angry and have no trust for my husband. Then again did i ever have trust for him? My parents both have different stories for what happiened to them i dont know who to belive and they took my brothers and I apart for years also. I feel i am at a breaking point for my marriage and my self :(

[brice1967]

Both of your parents have different opinions of what happened to them because they each have a different perspective.  One sees the thing coming from their point while the other sees it coming from their point.... does that make sense to you?  Neither is necessarily wrong nor right, it is how they see it from their stand point.

From all of the therapy my wife and I have been through, I have learned so much about myself and the dynamics of a relationship.  This is all stuff I thought I had known, but in reality I had not so good of a clue.  Hope some of this helps....

I understand being mad about what happened to your parents.  You're being mad has put you into this state of hyper-vigilance.  You simply did not want this to happen in your marriage and you were using the experience of your parents situation to guide you through this.  To a point, you may not have had a lot of trust regarding your husband but there had to be some because you did in fact marry him.

Now, your husband has in fact caused reason for you to believe that there is something there.  Before there was doubt, but now you have proof!  That is just bolstering your ego/psyche.  Our ego/psyche is what tries to protect/guide us in situations like this. (At least thats what I grasped out of my therapy.)  Your ego is saying, "Aha, gotcha... I knew it!  We aren't going to ever do this again... it hurts too much and we knew this was going to happen."

Now that your trust has been broken and you've got tangible proof, your ego is yelling the above statement at you.  You probably feel hurt, mad, upset, betrayed, lied to and numerous other emotions... all of them warranted.

What is necessary is that you at the very least need to seek some therapy.  Maybe not for saving the marriage, but that is a possibility.... but for you.  Your husband, if there is a chance that you want to give it another shot should be the first guy in line at the therapist.  If he isn't there, you know that now is all about you and there is no better time than now to start on remaking you.

In therapy, you'll probably be broken down pretty well by your therapist.  That is okay.  Let it all out... the thing with your folks, what happened between you and your husband.... let it go.  The more informed the therapist is, the more effective the therapy will be.  Stay in there!!! Seek counseling.